[first lines]
Liv Moore: [narrating] This was my life before I died.
EMT: 17-year-old male. Went down playing basketball 20 minutes ago.
Monica: I've got no pulse!
Liv Moore: He's cyanotic!
Monica: Where, the hell, is our chief resident. Did someone page Doctor Jeffries?
Liv Moore: I need xray, pulse ox, and a central line, now. And the biggest needle you've got. We're doing this now.

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Liv Moore: [voice-over] Major wanted to know if there was a chance for us. I thought shutting him down was noble. But what if there is hope? Even if it's dim and somewhere in the nebulous future, it's a hope I need in order to survive. But what about what Major's needs? Can I really ask him to wait for a day that may never come? When you die, life goes on without you. If you're among the living dead, you're around to watch. Giving up my dream of becoming a heart surgeon was depressing. Eating brains sucks beyond words. But seeing Major possibly moving on with someone else? That's my threshold. That's the soul crusher.

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Liv Moore: [voice-over] When you die, life goes on without you. If you're among the living dead, you're around to watch. Giving up my dream of becoming a heart surgeon was depressing. Eating brains sucks beyond words. But seeing Major possibly moving on with someone else? That's my threshold. That's the soul crusher.

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Liv Moore: I'm having a hard enough time pretending I'm alive, let alone throwing a performance as a psychic into my repertoire.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, you ate the girl's temporal lobe. Going to the police with her potential murderer is the least you can do.

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Liv Moore: [voice-over] It's probably wrong that every time I see a dead body I think, "What the hell am I doing with my life. I didn't map out and color code a 10-year plan for this. This is not me going confidently in the direction of my dreams. I used to have ambition. I used to be passionate, inspired... alive. Now, I'm mostly just hungry. And, and a zombie. So, there's that.

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: So, in the five months you've been here, what's the weirdest thing you've seen?
Liv Moore: You drinking cereal milk over a corpse?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I like that you always keep it under 15 syllables. It gives us a good rhythm. Working with my last resident was like prepping for the Newlywed Game. "Oh, what's your favorite color?" "How old were you when you first touched a boob?" It's nice to know I can dissect a Jane Doe's spleen without feeling obligated to list my top desert island albums.

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: The detective on his case needed me to open him back up. Guess what he was missing?
Liv Moore: A strong male role model?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: And a half-pound of brain.

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Liv Moore: [voice-over] They call death "the eternal sleep". But I haven't slept in five months. I tortured myself obsessing over every worst-case scenario, like my best friend catching me eating brains, or my brother being consumed in a zombie apocalypse I unwittingly bring on. But it's not like I can talk it out or confide in my loved ones about what's going on with me. I have no idea who I am anymore. What purpose, if any, I serve.
[pause]
Liv Moore: But the real question is, why do I suddenly, desperately need a handful of plastic eyeballs?

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Liv Moore: [voice-over] I can't refuse to be dead. I can't eat a ham sandwich and feel like a sated normal human being. I can't have sex, or tell the people I love what's going on with me, but I can choose not to have a drawer full of fake eyeballs and strangers' tchotchkes. I can choose to be a decent person. I can choose to help find justice for a fellow dead girl.

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Liv Moore: I wanted to do something with my life. I wanted to help people. Not necessarily as a zombie psychic who eats murder victim brains, but still I so nailed it today. I've spent five months bemoaning all that was taken from me. It never occurred to me that I'd have something to give. A way to contribute. A reason for being not alive. To sleep, perchance to not dream. All I needed was some hope that there's a future that I fit into somehow. At last. Sweet blissful sleep. [wakes up in a panic]

  --  Pilot [1.01]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Look, I get that you work here at the brain automat, but for the rest of us, meaning me, procuring brains is kind of a massive undertaking. So I was hoping, from time to time, you might be so inclined as to help a brother out.
Liv Moore: [long stare, then finally] Okay.
Blaine DeBeers: Jeez, that pause was like a year!

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: This art show... I should probably come as well. In case you need help with the art and the open bar. And possibly the models.

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Liv Moore: (voice-over) My need to feed on brains is weird, but how many people can say that satisfying their munchies could potentially help solve a murder case? This is my contribution to society. I'm just a fake, psychic zombie trying to do her part.

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Blaine DeBeers: [to Jackie] Oh, yeah, that. Sorry. I buried the lead. You're a zombie now. Like, for real. I know. Shock. Disbelief. Confusion. Welcome to Team Z. Oh, you're the trend-spotter, I should ask you. Zombies, I heard we're finito. Is that, is that true? Has over-saturation buried us? I don't know. I think we're gonna surprise some people. I mean, what did LL Cool J say? "Don't call it a comeback," right?

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Liv Moore: Javier's brain shows me a view of the world that's brighter, more vibrant. I can't let Lola diminish that view. I'm not ready to go back to a world without that light. I want this feeling to last. I want to leave something more than impressive report cards to remember me by. There is so much beauty in the world. And that's all that matters. Inspiration, love. The heart wants what it wants. Who are we to deny it?

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Major Lilywhite: I tried to get you to listen to jazz for years. I spent weeks strategically arranging the perfect mix CD for you and you stopped listening after two songs.
Liv Moore: I think this is the CD.
Major Lilywhite: You said you thought the lack of structure was narcissistic and you'd rather listen to someone dropping cutlery.

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Lola Abano: Asking Javier to sleep with one woman for the rest of his life would be like asking him to paint those little seascapes on the novelty spoons they sell at the pier.
Tasha: He had a way of, like, discovering people, and then sort of revealing them to themselves.
Liv Moore: [patronizing] That is really beautiful. Seriously, he sounds amazing.

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: His paintings are very popular. Who doesn't love a vibrant, abstract nude?
Liv Moore: Hint, she eats brains... It looks like he was just trying to show off how many different colors of paint he owned.

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Liv Moore: [voice-over] The passionate mind is selfish. It's so focused on what it desires, reason becomes background noise. Javier's brain made me cross the line that divides what I long for and what I can never have. There were so many nights I could have been with Major that I stayed home studying. Days I could have spent sucking the marrow out of life I spent building a resume for a life I'd never have. There were parts of me that were dead even before I became a zombie. So, maybe, that means that it's possible for me to spring to life. Even now that I'm dead.

  --  Brother, Can You Spare a Brain? [1.02]
%
Liv Moore: That's the thing about pain isn't it. Really feeling it it doesn't make it stop. It just shows you you're still alive.

  --  The Exterminator [1.03]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Okay, this is interesting. I set up a Google alert for the terms "Seattle, zombie."
Liv Moore: Me, too. No. Uh, I signed up for Z-Date.

  --  The Exterminator [1.03]
%
Liv Moore: I am too hungry right now to work out if you're joking or not. Your skull just turned into an animated ham.

  --  The Exterminator [1.03]
%
Liv Moore: In my old life, I was a lot of things. A doctor, a fiancee, a fan of Pilates. Now, I'm only one thing. A stomach, hunger incarnate. When I'm hungry, I forget my lunch used to be a person. When the hunger's bad, I forget I used to be one, too.

  --  The Exterminator [1.03]
%
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [cell phone chiming and vibrating] What's going on? You keep getting texts that disappoint you.
Liv Moore: They're not the texts that I want.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I hate to pry...
Liv Moore: Said the man who keeps asking me for my urine samples.

  --  The Exterminator [1.03]
%
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [reads description of a corpse in the morgue] Marvin Webster here, family man, two kids, suburbs, owner operator of Sea-Tac Bug Whack until someone ran him over in the Whole Lotta Lotta car park. Should be a pretty safe brain to eat.
Liv Moore: Said nobody. Ever.

  --  The Exterminator [1.03]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Why'd you stand me up last night? You were bringing me some of your bountiful brain supply, remember? I guess you got busy and forgot. You know, since that's the sort of thing that slips people's minds. Buy milk, take out the garbage, feed the starving zombie. Who can keep track?

  --  The Exterminator [1.03]
%
[first lines]
Blaine DeBeers: Time to look alive, baby.
Jackie: So, last night, is that a service you provide all your clients?

  --  Liv and Let Clive [1.04]
%
AJ: I hear you're looking for Ray. And that you're into Asian dudes. I'm A.J. , and I'm into white girls. Really white girls. You might just be my Moby Dick. I didn't catch your name.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Melody.
AJ: You sure about that?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Please. It's been Melody, Melanie. She even tried to get me to start calling her Starfire last year, but I drew a line.

  --  Liv and Let Clive [1.04]
%
AJ: [restrained by cops] What are you, lady?
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Just a girl. You got your ass kicked by a girl. Get over it.
AJ: You're a freak!
[hauled away]
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [turning to Clive] I don't know how many Take Back the Night self-defense seminars they gave at your sorority house, but I could pretty much take out Batman with a spiral notebook and a student ID card.

  --  Liv and Let Clive [1.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Is that gonna be weird for you, by the way? You being Liv's ex-fiance?
Major Lilywhite: Yeah. No?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Are you sure? It seems like you're a little off about it. Like that "no" kind of had a question mark at the end.
Major Lilywhite: I'm pretty sure I'm okay with it.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Okay. Good?

  --  Liv and Let Clive [1.04]
%
Liv Moore: What a pleasant surprise it might have been if Chinese brains or Spanish brains or Italian brains tasted like the cuisines for which their regions are famous. No such luck.

  --  Liv and Let Clive [1.04]
%
Liv Moore: What's that old zombie saying? Today is the first day of the rest of your half-dead life.

  --  Liv and Let Clive [1.04]
%
Liv Moore: [narrating] I know it's not a different sun that came up this morning. But somehow, it looks sunnier. Ravi is hitting it off with Major, who seems willing to give me another shot at this friends thing. The "pretending to be something I'm not" isn't over, but at least Sammy's brain is out of my system, finally. I'm so ready to start looking forward instead of constantly watching my back. What's that old zombie saying? Today is the first day of the rest of your half-dead life.

  --  Liv and Let Clive [1.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Her life is, um, like the whorey version of that movie, Memento.

  --  Liv and Let Clive [1.04]
%
Lowell Tracey: Okay, uhm. So, here's the speech. The zombie thing is a bitch. Your world shrivels down to a dot. You know this. And, all you can think about is how to get your next meal, and keeping your secret. And no-one can really know you now. Kissing, touching, sex, love, yelling at someone for stealing the blankets. Uhm, out of the question, forever. But then one day I see this (pause) beautiful woman. She's the only thing in colour. Odd, 'cos she's so pail. And then suddenly there's hope again. That's what I'm saying. Who knows if we even like each other. But, I like everything I've seen so far and, ah, what have I got to lose.
Liv Moore: I am free this weekend, and I have your number.
Lowell Tracey: I'll only hover by the phone for the next 72 hours or so. After that, I'm on to the next zombie girl.

  --  Flight of the Living Dead [1.05]
%
Liv Moore: If you live each day like it's your last, someday you'll be right.

  --  Flight of the Living Dead [1.05]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What if our hot zombie boy's name's on our fax and he's our murderer?
Liv Moore: I don't think it will be. I have a good feeling about him.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Mmm. And where exactly is this feeling originating from?

  --  Flight of the Living Dead [1.05]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Uh, I think you've got company.
Liv Moore: It's him.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Ooh.
Liv Moore: Shut up or I'll eat you.

  --  Flight of the Living Dead [1.05]
%
Liv Moore: [surprised about cocktail] This is hot.
Lowell Tracey: Perks of dating a zombie.

  --  Flight of the Living Dead [1.05]
%
Liv Moore: Even if I laid out here long enough I still wouldn't get a tan. I used to have freckles. I miss my freckles.

  --  Flight of the Living Dead [1.05]
%
Liv Moore: [voice-over] Lowell could turn out to be nothing. Or everything. He may even break my heart, but, any of that sounds good to me. I'm ready to feel again. Anything, good or bad, I want to be alive, now, more than ever.

  --  Flight of the Living Dead [1.05]
%
[first lines]
Ravi Chakrabarti: [sewing stitches] Easy. You're lucky you're not dead. Although, if you were, this would come much more naturally to me.
Major Lilywhite: You know what you're doing, right?
Ravi Chakrabarti: I mean, theoretically. Sure. But did you consider a trip to the ER?
Major Lilywhite: I'm a social worker. My insurance covers, like, one Band-Aid a year.
Liv Moore: [entering] Major? What the hell?
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's nothing.
Liv Moore: Those are y-incision stitches. They need to be closer together, unless you're going for that Frankenstein look.
Ravi Chakrabarti: The man's too good-looking. I'm giving him character.

  --  Virtual Reality Bites [1.06]
%
Lowell Tracey: So... did you run out of napkins or were you just fondled by an Oompa Loompa?

  --  Virtual Reality Bites [1.06]
%
Liv Moore: Hey Lowell, so sorry to do this on a message, but I have to cancel. I'm literally seconds away from puking, it hit me out of nowhere, and I'm calling you from the bathroom floor right now. Hope you understand- oh my god, I'm such an idiot, I totally forgot you're a zombie. I can just tell you. I had a bad batch of agoraphobe brain, and I can't get out of my apartment. Okay, bye.

  --  Virtual Reality Bites [1.06]
%
Liv Moore: Must have donuts. Great, I hate Homer Simpson's brain.

  --  Virtual Reality Bites [1.06]
%
Liv Moore: That is... so incredibly unfair and awful.
Lowell Tracey: Umm, it's...you know, it's funny, I, I...I didn't think that I was the type of guy who wanted people to feel bad for me, but...you just said the exact thing I've been dying for someone to say to me.

  --  Virtual Reality Bites [1.06]
%
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: So, what brings a nice British lad like you to Seattle?
Lowell Tracey: Well, I had to escape the chilly, wet, depressing London weather. So, Seattle, naturally. There may have also been a girl.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Oh, there's always a girl.
Lowell Tracey: So, your ex, what's he like?
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Determined.

  --  Virtual Reality Bites [1.06]
%
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [narrating] Sean Posey let a tragedy ruin his life. His sister died, and he couldn't get past it. Now two lives are ruined. What was it Mom said? Right before "Sit up straight?" Something about not letting life pass me by.

  --  Virtual Reality Bites [1.06]
%
[last lines]
Eva Moore: You're hiring? Because my son needs a job. He's 16. Is that too young?
Blaine DeBeers: Let's have him fill out an application, see what happens.

  --  Virtual Reality Bites [1.06]
%
Eva Moore: Pediatric medicine. Now that's a wonderful application for your talents.
Liv Moore: Questioning my life choices... a familiar application of yours.
Eva Moore: I'm your mother, it's part of the deal.

  --  Maternity Liv [1.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Can we just talk about you being a zombie? Brain-eating, being undead, these are things you can discuss at length with me. But I can't give you the Girlfriend Experience.
Liv Moore: I don't think that means what you think it means.

  --  Maternity Liv [1.07]
%
Lowell Tracey: All right Liv, I didn't wanna have to tell you like this, but I'm gay. But not to worry, it's only until I eat my next brain.
Liv Moore: Oh, thank God.
Lowell Tracey: Yeah, I knew something was up but I didn't really get it until I saw a magazine with Idris Elba on the cover, and the phrase "big piece of yum" popped into my head. I'm mildly afraid of heights, but I would not hesitate to climb that mountain.

  --  Maternity Liv [1.07]
%
Liv Moore: Things were so great between us last week. Like, buy new underwear great.

  --  Maternity Liv [1.07]
%
Liv Moore: When I was your age, we valued hard work.
Evan Moore: Yeah, back in the hardscrabble world of '04. All those CD_ROMs that needed burning.

  --  Maternity Liv [1.07]
%
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Though not remotely sexual that's got to be some form of harassment.
Liv Moore: Watch your fingers that scalpel is sharp.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'd say Emily's brain effects are taking hold, specifically the fierce maternal instinct that kicks in just prior to giving birth.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I can call it a day, unless you have the urge to make me lunch or do my laundry.
Liv Moore: You wish. Have you, really, not eaten lunch ?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Please let this conversation end with you cutting the crust of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Liv Moore: That's not funny. Are you really, hungry though, seriously ? I think I'm done for the day. But you should eat something. Possibly, with vegetables, if you so choose. Okay, I'm leaving now.

  --  Maternity Liv [1.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Do you think this is how Oppenheimer felt staring down at the A-bomb?
Liv Moore: Like a drama queen? Or are you talking about his need for self-aggrandizement?

  --  Dead Air [1.08]
%
Liv Moore: Major doesn't get dumped. There are literally two reasons to end a relationship with Major, zombie-ism and full-on death.

  --  Dead Air [1.08]
%
Liv Moore: Straight talk? I don't think you and Peyton work. True, you like a challenge and Peyton is certainly that, but she dates guys you'd find in a "most eligible bachelors on the planet" catalog, if such a thing existed.
Ravi Chakrabarti: And you don't think I'd be featured in the pages of Hunks Quarterly?
Liv Moore: Ravi, she's a lawyer who looks like Victoria's Secret model.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, I'm a tall doctor with fantastic hair and a British accent. But to hear you tell it, she's out of my league. I mean, I don't even need to be this attractive. It's just icing. Besides, Peyton and I, we had a moment.
Liv Moore: I'm sure that's how it seemed, but I've known Peyton since college, and literally, every man who's ever met her thought that they had a moment. I've been a witness to all those poor guys who liked a challenge. I've watched them approach her table, full of hope. I've seen her turn them into dust. She's been asked out so much, she doesn't bother with niceties. Just trying to help.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Thank you. You know, I, uh, I rescind all inquiries into the subject. You know, I'm a grown man who knows a moment when he experiences one. Oh, and my "distant parents"? They're fairly certain I put the moon in the sky. This brain you're on? She's a bit of an arse. Thanks for the straight talk.

  --  Dead Air [1.08]
%
Liv Moore: [voice-over] Every time Major calls me his friend, I ache. I miss the "girl" modifier. But the truth is, we were practically besties from the moment we met. That's why we were so great together. Underneath all the love and the desire to tear each other's clothes off, was the person I wanted to share every detail of my life with. Without that, it's not really a relationship, is it? Is it just sex? Is that who you are? A zombie booty call?

  --  Dead Air [1.08]
%
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Peyton notices the children's magazine that he is reading in the waiting room] I read it for the articles.

  --  Dead Air [1.08]
%
Liv Moore: Maybe I'm too reticent on the advice front. What would I say? Ravi, never listen to me again. You are too selfless, too wrapped up in saving me. Chill out. Slow and steady wins the race. I can't have you burning out. Because without you, I'm nothing. And, Major, don't lose sight of who you are. You are sweetness and light. That's who I fell in love with, the next girl will fall in love with. Don't pile tragedy on tragedy. And what advice would you give yourself, Liv? Would you even take it? How about trying to live in the moment for once? Being grateful for the simple pleasures. You don't need to know why you feel good. Just enjoy the ride.

  --  Dead Air [1.08]
%
[first lines]
Liv Moore: I had one chance at love. Turns out my would be soul mate survives on the brains of murdered teenagers.

  --  Patriot Brains [1.09]
%
Luta: Dibs!
Blaine DeBeers: No, Julien will handle delivery.
Luta: Ah, come on.
Blaine DeBeers: You do not purge your bowels in the powder room of a man with a helicopter pad in his backyard.
Luta: You squealed? That's rude, man!

  --  Patriot Brains [1.09]
%
Clive Babineaux: Do you have time to look at a couple of Youtube tutorials?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Of failed twerking tutorials? Yes.
Liv Moore: But no one lip-syncing to Frozen.

  --  Patriot Brains [1.09]
%
Julien 'Candyman' Dupont: Now, answer me straight, or I'm gonna take you on a guided tour through a world of pain.
Major Lilywhite: I don't know anything!
Julien 'Candyman' Dupont: Ahh. Then I guess it's all aboard the pain train. First stop, Hand Francisco.

  --  Patriot Brains [1.09]
%
Liv Moore: There are monsters in this world. People who do unspeakable things. When I graduated med school, I took an oath to consecrate my life to the service of humanity, to respect and value the lives of all persons. But now that I'm half-dead, I can see that some life is like a virus. One that can't be allowed to spread.

  --  Patriot Brains [1.09]
%
Liv Moore: I said some life is like a virus. But if you kill a virus, you're a doctor. If you kill a person...If I kill this person, I know who I'll be. I'll be a killer. I'll be him.

  --  Patriot Brains [1.09]
%
Clive Babineaux: Dr. C, mind if I take your assistant on a field trip?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'd sign her permission slip, but my hands are covered in viscera.
[raises his hands from his autopsy]

  --  Patriot Brains [1.09]
%
[first lines]
Liv Moore: [in shock] He was like that when I got there.
Detective Flynn: You said you arrived just before 10:30. Neighbors heard a shot in Mr. Tracey's apartment 10 minutes before. Where were you then?
Liv Moore: Driving.
Detective Flynn: Great. What streets? We can check the traffic cameras.

  --  Mr. Berserk [1.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I, uh, I taught him a trick. See, when I raise my hand like so and says, "Prance, zombie," he sort of rears up on his little hind legs and prances about.
Liv Moore: Really?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah. I also taught him to declaim Hamlet soliloquies. He holds a tiny skull. It's quite something. We're doing Fallon tomorrow.
Liv Moore: Shut up.

  --  Mr. Berserk [1.10]
%
Vaughn Du Clark: Live to the max, Miss Moore. Just do it somewhere else.

  --  Mr. Berserk [1.10]
%
Clive Babineaux: Liv, you're off the case...
Liv Moore: I'm never off the case! The case is in here. [pointing at her head] I'm the freakin' murder victim whisperer.

  --  Mr. Berserk [1.10]
%
Liv Moore: I haven't been an alcoholic that long, but I can tell you that the only time I woke up before 10 am was when Peyton needed to use the toilet I was passed on.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Thank you for the mental image.

  --  Mr. Berserk [1.10]
%
[first lines]
Jeff: [entering] Yo, numbnuts! What is your malfunction, Major?
Major Lilywhite: Good one. Just waiting for Scott E.
Jeff: Maybe he's tired of kicking your ass.

  --  Astroburger [1.11]
%
Major Lilywhite: You want to feel better about your mental health? Spend a couple days with some clinically insane people.
Peyton Charles: I do it every Thanksgiving.

  --  Astroburger [1.11]
%
Major Lilywhite: I got a giant Indian to throw a sink through the window and jumped to freedom. Nah, I'm just kidding. I checked myself out.

  --  Astroburger [1.11]
%
Liv Moore: Careful! Don't open yourself up to the classic reverse Sicilian gambit. That's a chess thing, right?
Major Lilywhite: Sounds more like something a call girl would make you pay extra for.

  --  Astroburger [1.11]
%
Blaine DeBeers: In the future, remember that I like my information the same way you like your brains.
Lieutenant Suzuki: Unconditional?
Blaine DeBeers: Fresh.

  --  Astroburger [1.11]
%
[last lines]
Major Lilywhite: [to Liv] It's the world that's crazy, and I've got proof. Zombies are real, Liv. These coolers are full of brains. Now, it's a lot to absorb, I know, but I will explain everything. And don't worry, 'cause I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna kill them all.

  --  Astroburger [1.11]
%
[first lines]
Kimber Cooper: [their car just struck a pedestrian] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Nate: Oh my God! What the hell? He came out of nowhere!
Teresa: Everything comes out of nowhere when your headlights are off, dumbass!
Nate: Hey, man, you okay?
Teresa: Does he look frickin' okay, Nate?
Kimber Cooper: I kinda learned CPR at Seeds of Faith camp. Somebody needs to do chest compressions to the beat of "All for the Best" from Godspell.
Teresa: Yeah. Let me just rub my DNA all over him. I think not!

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
Liv Moore: So, multiple victims, or victim in multiple pieces?

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
Liv Moore: I know you.
Jimmy: Do you? Do you know me? Do you recognize the slope of my alpine-snow-drift nose?
Liv Moore: Kind of.
Jimmy: I'm sorry. I can't work with her.

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
Jimmy: [to Teresa] Good night. You were extremely easy...
Jimmy: To work with.

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
Liv Moore: I heard about this missing girl. She went to my old high school. My brother Evan's a junior there.
Clive Babineaux: Did he know her?
Liv Moore: Only in the way that every boy knows the prettiest girl in high school.
Ravi Chakrabarti: So, from afar, yet intimately.

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
Liv Moore: Can we not talk about high school right now? It's hard not to feel like you've peaked, when you're doing shots of two-week-old liquefied prom queen brain in cold Mexican hot chocolate.

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
Blaine DeBeers: I don't need this right now, you guys. I'm under enough stress as it is. Especially with the Health Inspector showing up twice in as many months.
Julien 'Candyman' Dupont: The Health Inspector came back around?
Cissie: Yeah, you should've seen this guy. Came in here looking like a catalog model. Was trying to flirt with me. Thinks I'm going to melt because he's got blue eyes and broad shoulders.
Julien 'Candyman' Dupont: Did he have good hair?
Blaine DeBeers: What is this bizarre segue that's happening right now?

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
Sebastian Meyer: I'm normally not that much of a cook, but I seemed to have picked up a few things from my Aunt Edna. Guess what I had for lunch yesterday?
Liv Moore: I'm thinking Aunt Edna.
Sebastian Meyer: That woman practically raised me! She thought I had potential! So, yesterday, she slices her head open on the freezer door and asks me to bandage it. And I'm there, with the bandage. And there's blood. And I'm just so hungry. I couldn't stop myself.
Liv Moore: Funny. I've never eaten anyone I didn't want to eat.

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
[last lines]
Liv Moore: [dials the phone with a bloody hand]
Operator: 9-1-1, what's your emergency? Hello? Hello?

  --  Dead Rat, Live Rat, Brown Rat, White Rat [1.12]
%
[first lines]
Blaine DeBeers: [on the phone] Just calm your ass down, we're not a pizza place! There's no 30-minute-or-less guarantee. You'll get your astronaut brains when you get them.

  --  Blaine's World [1.13]
%
Dr. Holland: You're saying this Sebastian is a zombie?
Vaughn Du Clark: Well, now you're getting into semantics here. He craves brains, he can't seem to die, his heart beats once every six seconds. Yeah, I guess, you know, after awhile, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

  --  Blaine's World [1.13]
%
Blaine DeBeers: [to Major in the deep freeze] This has got to suck. So I've been doing a bit of online research trying to figure out how long you'll survive in here before body parts start falling off, and guess what I discovered? Most of the pertinent data comes courtesy of the Nazis. Yeah. Those Nazis. Great minds, huh? They wanted to know if there was something in Russian genetics that allowed those commie bastards to survive Stalingrad winters. Spoiler alert, there wasn't. Turns out we all freeze to death roughly the same way. But I digress. The point is, they kept meticulous notes. And thanks to those notes, I can keep you in here alive and suffering as long as I want. As long as it takes to get the information I need.
Major Lilywhite: [shivering] Why are you doing this?
Blaine DeBeers: Daddy issues. Megalomania. Greed. Wow, that felt really good to get off my chest.

  --  Blaine's World [1.13]
%
Blaine DeBeers: What a waste. All this sound and fury. And for what? Nothing. I've got friends in high places. Tomorrow's headline, 'Crackpot shoots up butcher shop'. Kill my crew, I'll make more. Kill my customers, I'll make more. You cost me money. I'll make -
[Liv stabs Blaine with the zombie cure]
Liv Moore: Make more now, bitch.

  --  Blaine's World [1.13]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Oh, man. He doesn't know? Dude, you are about to go out with one large dose of irony. Seattle's preeminent zombie hunter, not realizing the entire time that his own beloved - I mean, the hair, the eyes, the complexion. You thought those were, what? Just questionable style choices?

  --  Blaine's World [1.13]
%
Major Lilywhite: It's not what fate dealt me, Liv. You did. The same person who let me check myself into a mental hospital, let me think I was crazy. But when you had a chance to play God and-and decide whether I died or became this, did you decide based on what you wanted or what you thought I wanted? If it's what you thought I wanted, then you don't know me as well as you think you do.

  --  Blaine's World [1.13]
%
[last lines]
Surgeon: Your brother has-has lost a lot of blood, and he's going to need more in order to survive. Unfortunately, he's O-negative, and we don't have any.
Eva Moore: Liv is O-negative. Remember? That time you sliced open your head on that nail. Evan was a match for you. Oh, thank God you had your phone on.
Surgeon: We don't have much time. Can you come with me, Miss Moore?
Eva Moore: Liv? Did you hear him? There's more. Liv. Liv. Go with the doctor!
Liv Moore: No.

  --  Blaine's World [1.13]
%
[first lines]
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Liv walks up to her brother's hospital bed, narrating] Time heals all wounds. Time heals all wounds.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Liv sits on the bed beside her brother Evan who's asleep] Hey, buddy.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [narrating] Another surgery to remove shrapnel. Three months. Three surgeries.
Eva Moore: [Eva Moore walks into the room] You need to leave. Right now.

  --  Grumpy Old Liv [2.01]
%
Liv Moore: [narrating] I couldn't have given Evan my blood even if I had been willing to turn him into a zombie. The second some nurse took my pulse, my temperature, they would've quarantined me. Maybe it's better I'm radioactive, that I repel the people I love. Keep things simple. Harden yourself, Liv. You're a monster. Act like one.

  --  Grumpy Old Liv [2.01]
%
[Liv for the first time visits Blaine at his place of business at the funeral home]
Liv Moore: Oh, the humanity.
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine chuckles] You see anything you like? [surrounded by coffins] It's so rare the dead get to choose. I got one with a breakaway lid that's a real-time saver for today's zombie looking to make that classic-hand-shooting-up-through-the-dirt big entrance.

  --  Grumpy Old Liv [2.01]
%
Blaine DeBeers: I'm curious. Why? Why are you still suiting up for Team Z? The uniform sucks. Morale is, let's be honest, consistently low. Don't tell me you've actually developed a taste for brains. [Liv remains silent] Hold the phone! You dig it. You get off on being a hero, don't you? [Blaine begins imitating actor, Jimmy Stewart] Oh, would you... Would you look at that. That's a... That's a crime-solving zombie. Roger, get in here! Why, she's a credit to her species. Why can't they all be like her?
Liv Moore: [Blaine laughs] It's not a choice.

  --  Grumpy Old Liv [2.01]
%
Vaughn Du Clark: Zombies don't deserve our mercy, so just put that thought out of your head. [Du Clark chuckles before exhaling] How to explain? I love submarine movies. Big fan. And there's always this moment... It's the moment where the sub is torpedoed, and the compartment is flooding, and the captain's gotta give the order to, 'seal it up,' even though he still knows that there are men still alive in there. Cut to the sailor who receives that order. Tears in his eyes, closing that hatch on his comrades. The man that closes that hatch is a hero, isn't he? [the scene cuts to showing a man be attacked in his own home] But we are both doing what needs to be done. We are saving lives. There are zombies living among us. And they are feasting on human brains. Where do they get these brains? Who knows? But don't you think it's a good idea to put an end to it? Sure, they look like us, they sound like us, but if you think about them as brain-eating atomic bombs, you'll sleep like a baby.
Major Lilywhite: You've got the wrong man for the job.

  --  Grumpy Old Liv [2.01]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Why would I want to help? I'm human. I got a thriving business. I just learned I've been pre-approved for a Best Buy card. I've gone legit. Put my criminal ways behind me.
Liv Moore: We're not sure if your cure is permanent. The first batch killed the test rat inside of two days.
Blaine DeBeers: And which batch did you shoot me up with?
Liv Moore: [Liv smiles] The second.

  --  Grumpy Old Liv [2.01]
%
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: We're cremating Wendell? We couldn't find any next of kin?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: We found them. They just weren't interested in claiming his body.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Liv rolls out Wendell's dead body, narrating] What do you have to say for yourself, Wendell? Life dealt you a lousy hand, so you just folded tent, decided it was easier to be a rotten bastard. That's not gonna be me. I'm going down swinging.

  --  Grumpy Old Liv [2.01]
%
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Until I'm human again no more interpersonal relationships. I am all business. I'm one of the Riders of the apocalypse, leaving pestilence and misery in my wake.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I take it drinks with the new roommate didn't go well.

  --  Grumpy Old Liv [2.01]
%
[Liv joins her new roommate Gilda in the living room to watch some Zombie High]
[last lines]
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Gilda laughs, as Liv begins yelling at the TV] No, zombie!
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Gilda stares at Liv with an evil smirk] Dumb, dumb, zombie.
%
[first lines]
Verna Addis: [Major watches the television in his kitchen] My father has been missing for two days now. He's six-feet tall, with brown hair and brown eyes. If you've seen him, or have heard of anything at all, please contact the Seattle Police. Please help us find our dad. We love him so much and we just want him to come home.

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: I'm really gonna need a hand with this, so let me know when things get extrasensory.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Clive walks off as Ravi whispers to Liv] Well, I hope you like Jager bombs and homoerotic subtext.
[the scene cuts to the scenes of Liv microwaving, eating, and washing the dishes after eating Chad's brains]
Clive Babineaux: [Clive calls Liv] Can you meet me upstairs?
Liv Moore: Yes.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv turns, burps, and walks forward] And so it begins...

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I know you can't fully control your actions when you're on a brain, but I really need you to try and rein in the bro. We would be in serious trouble if someone came in and saw how you arranged the medical skeletons. And this, this is unacceptable. What if someone came in to identify their loved one and the medical examiner had "fart" written on his forehead? It isn't funny.
Liv Moore: It's pretty funny.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It really isn't.
Liv Moore: It kinda is.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I can assure you it isn't funny.

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
[Major bumps into Liv, who calls him bro when trying to talk to him]
Liv Moore: I'm on frat boy brains at the moment, and everything's getting filtered through the bro-zone layer.
Major Lilywhite: [Major chuckles] I'm on frat boy brains. 'No big whoop.' Just like you're doing a cleanse. Eating dead people brains.
Liv Moore: It's just a fact of my life right now. Look past it, please. I wanna catch up.
Major Lilywhite: Sorry, bro. No can do.

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
Austin: Man, it's, like, unthinkable that someone murdered Chad. No, like seriously, I can't think of it.
Brody: He was more than just a frat brother. He was, like, like a brother-brother, bro. For real.

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: You're like that box of chocolates from Forrest Gump, I never know what I'm gonna get.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: You're getting chocolate, bro.

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
[Gilda walks up to Liv who finishes a game of Beer Pong]
Gilda: Hey! I know you're going for gold in the bro-lympics. I'm just wondering how that's a work thing?
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Right. My bad. Time to focus.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Liv grabs a kid's beer and chugs it in front of Gilda, walking off] You got this, bro. You got this.

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
[Clive and Liv interview Becky who rented the Captain Wozzles costume]
Becky: Uh... I'm a furry.
Clive Babineaux: A what?
Becky: I'm into costumes that look like stuffed animals. Like sexually. It's a fetish, okay?
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Liv happily responds to wanting to know more] I was not expecting that. Uh, here's what I'm going to need. I'm going to need details, photos.
Clive Babineaux: We don't need details or photos.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Unless you have them, and they're hilarious.
Clive Babineaux: We definitely don't need details or photos.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Liv pauses, looking to Becky] Yes, we do.

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
[Liv strolls over the Alpha Beta house on a search to find Chad's killer]
Liv Moore: [narrating] Right now, I've got one word in my bro-cabulary, and that word is 'Justice'. I am going on a vision quest of all vision quests. I will not rest until I find the bastard who... [Liv screams out when seeing a table] Beer Pong! Time to get your balls wet, bro!

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
[Liv watches Sonny get arrested for the murder of Chad Wolcoff]
Liv Moore: [narrating] Our lives are a collection of choices. Sonny chose to avenge his father. I chose to not tell my fiance I'm a zombie. We make our own beds. Seems beneath our dignity to whine when we're forced to sleep in them. But Major held me... Held me and told me he would let nothing happen to me. Maybe, just this once, there's a do-over.

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
[last lines]
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Liv visits Major to pick up her phone, wanting to talk to Major, knocking at his bedroom door] Major? It's me.
Major Lilywhite: [from the other side of the door] I left the phone with Ravi.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: I just want to say 'Hi'.
Major Lilywhite: [through the bedroom door] Kinda busy.
[Liv hangs her head down and walks off, as we see Major laying in bed snorting more of the Utopium drug]

  --  Zombie Bro [2.02]
%
[first lines]
Taylor Fowler: Remember at the Botox party, how she was going around behind my back telling everyone I was a bitch? So I called her on it. Today at lunch. Ha! She flat-out denied it. Can you believe it?
Woman on Phone: [the woman on the phone] Oh, my God! What did you do?
Taylor Fowler: [Taylor sighs] I threw my drink in her face and I walked out. I mean, I love that woman but she is too much drama.
[the doorbell rings]

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
[Liv prepares to eat the brains of Taylor Fowler]
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: I've never had a lady-who-lunches for lunch.
[the scene cuts to the scenes of Liv slicing Taylor's brain, a tomato, opening a can of tuna, biting into her tuna salad]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: She looks as tasty as she was tasteful.
[Ravi eats a handful of cheerios from a jar]

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Oh, I'll just wait here. For you to pull up the car.
Clive Babineaux: What am I, Driving Miss Crazy?
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: I didn't know I would be walking today. This is more of a sitting shoe. Super cute though, huh? Look how long they make my legs look.
Clive Babineaux: You need to use those long legs and get yourself to my car.

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
Clive Babineaux: Liv, anything you want to ask?
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Yes. Your bag. Is it a Stella?
Alex Towne: [Alex Towne holds up her bag] Timeless, isn't it?
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: I can't even.
Alex Towne: I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate for a police interview.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: It's perfect. It's businesslike but with an informality that says, I'm not a 'suspect'.

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
Bethany Miller: Those shoes are amaze, by the way.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Thanks. They're actually my roommate's. I'm looking to find some that are like them, but...
Bethany Miller: Strappier.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Yes.
Bethany Miller: Possibly in suede.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [Liv with a big smile on her face] Can you crawl back out of my mind?
Clive Babineaux: [Clive breaks the conversation between both girls] Can I ask a non-shoe related question?

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
Liv Moore: Hey, later-later, like Friday, I was thinking we could all grab a drink after work, maybe get a bite to eat? I mean, if you guys are free. It's just been a while since we got together.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Friday's tricky, yeah. I've been seeing Stephanie. You know, the girl I met at the club. Been seeing a lot of her, actually. She's trying to get Friday night off work so she can fix me a home-cooked meal. Turns out, right, she's got this whole Martha Stewart side to her. Which, combined with her raw honesty and lack of intellectual pretense is giving me a sense of emotional intimacy I've not felt in a long time, you know?
Clive Babineaux: Can't. Busy. (leaves)
Ravi Chakrabarti: God, I thought he'd never shut up.

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
Gilda: Let me tell you a story. When we first came up with the 'Suspected Zombies' list, Vaughn's idea was to send them all letters, zombies and non-zombies alike, informing them they'd won an all-expense-paid Hawaiian cruise. And then scuttle the ship in the middle of the Pacific. Your work, distasteful as you find it, saves lives.

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
Liv Moore: I am literally going through hell. Do you even care?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Okay, you've literally forgotten the meaning of the word "Literally."
Liv Moore: It's not my fault! All my friends are cold-hearted bitches, and that includes the men. Why is everyone abandoning me? Why? [Liv throws her bag down and sits on the couch] I'm sorry. I just really need a pinot and some salty chocolate right now.

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
[Liv walks into the police precinct with a full dress on and pair of boots]
Liv Moore: Good, you're here. I just had to see what you think of these bad girls. If they don't make you want to cross-dress, I don't know what will.
Clive Babineaux: You ever hear of casual Friday?
Liv Moore: You ever hear of casual elegance? What's wrong, were your bib overalls in your wash tub?

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
[Liv comes to the lab wearing a bright blue dress, wearing make-up, with straight hair]
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm confused. Is this a Seattle morgue or a Milan catwalk?
Liv Moore: You like? It's my roommate's. I literally had nothing to wear until she gave me a free pass to raid her closet. I thought this was a good look for work, because I wear this dress like someone's paying me to.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, as I do with this.
[Ravi gives a twist in his lab coat]

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
[last lines]
Vaughn Du Clarke: [Vaughn Du Clarke walks Terrence Fowler into a dark room with a medical chair] Wait right here. I've gotta go find Dr. Holland. He was always so good at explaining things. Though, since that lab accident...
Terrence Fowler: [Vaughn Du Clarke leaves the room as the door locks Terrence in the room] What does any of this have to do with Super Max?
Vaughn Du Clarke: [Vaughn Du Clarke outside a glass window, unlocks another door in the room with Terrence] Poor Terrence, always so consumed by work. Oh, there's Dr. Holland.
[Terrence turns around as a zombie in a lab coat throws itself at Terrence, Terrence screams as the zombie grunts and snarls, Vaughn Du Clarke watches the mist of blood spray on the glass window]

  --  Real Dead Housewife of Seattle [2.03]
%
[first lines]
Jordan: [three kids walk down the street sharing a beer together] Yeah, my left nut you went to third base with Jolene Fisk.
Dirt Mustache: You don't got to believe it. I've got my memories.
Mama's Boy: Up the shirt's not third. Third's in-the-pants stuff.
Jordan: Shut up, Butterball. The only boobs you've ever seen are your own.

  --  Even Cowgirls Get the Black and Blues [2.04]
%
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [sniffs] Are you wearing cologne?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Uh, it's called Desire-Rx. It has human pheromones in it. I'm a walking sex experiment.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Seeing Steph again tonight?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Obviously. She's my test subject.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: Look at you! You don't know whether to wind your watch or scratch your ass.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm fairly certain I do. My watch self-winds. My ass, on the other hand...

  --  Even Cowgirls Get the Black and Blues [2.04]
%
[Liv shows up to The Slow Roll country bar, explaining to Ravi how nervous she is]
Ravi Chakrabarti: What? What's with the face?
Liv Moore: [nervously] I'm sweating like a ten dollar whore on nickel-night. What if my voice cracks? What if, in the middle of my song, some redneck shouts out, 'Show us your hooters!' and I go into full-on zombie mode?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, 'if, if, if.' If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump its bum when it jumps.

  --  Even Cowgirls Get the Black and Blues [2.04]
%
[Liv gets on stage of The Slow Roll country bar to sing her song]
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [speaking while strumming the intro to her song] Hi, I'm Liv. This is a song that I wrote about two people that I have gotten to know recently. They love each other, desperately, but they can't seem to stop hurting each other.
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [begins to sing her song] So you heard from some folks that I ain't been true / I guess you still get gossip in the clink / It happened on one night, I was full of SoCo and lime / When a pretty boy bought me a drink / And he said, "Darlin', you're too pretty to be sad" / And I said, "Mister, I needed to hear that real bad"...
[Babineaux leaves Liv a voicemail message regarding the case as a woman brings in a bag of something her son found]
Olivia 'Liv' Moore: [singing] There's only nightmares ahead of us / And sweet dreams long ago / It's time to wake up, baby / It's time I let you go / Oh oh, oh oh / I've got to let you... go.

  --  Even Cowgirls Get the Black and Blues [2.04]
%
Liv Moore: From the moment that I met you I knew that we were meant to be together. I was sure of it. It was like fate. But that was before I witnessed a mass murder. Before I'd eaten fresh brain, before I'd lied to you, or let you put yourself in a mental hospital. It was before I watched you die. And it was before all of this cruelty was directed back at me. Now, I don't think space can fix what's wrong with us. We're a dream that's dead. I doubt that I will ever stop loving you, but it's over now. I gotta let you go. Completely. Forever.
Major Lilywhite: [Without any emotion, Major replies] Perfect. Uh, thanks for stopping by.
[Major then closes the front door on Liv]

  --  Even Cowgirls Get the Black and Blues [2.04]
%
Peyton Charles: You stalked me, and you brought me a present?
Liv Moore: That birthday cake you left last night. It meant the world to me.
Peyton Charles: Look, um... When I left, I can't lie, I resented you. I can't tell if it was more, 'I can't believe my best friend is a zombie,' or, 'I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me she's a zombie.'
Liv Moore: I get that.
Peyton Charles: While I was away I had a chance to put myself in your shoes, and... Ugh, I realized how hard this last year must have been for you. You gave up being a surgeon, you gave up the love of your life. And then I bailed.
Liv Moore: Well, to be fair, you had just seen me stab someone in the head.

  --  Even Cowgirls Get the Black and Blues [2.04]
%
Liv Moore: Hey! Stop! I'm coming here like and adult, trying to talk to you. How can you be this cold to me?
Major Lilywhite: Who exactly am I being cold to? Huh? Uh, who-whose brain did you eat this week?
Liv Moore: Oh, this is all me! And in case you've forgotten, I didn't ask for this. I went to a party because you told me I should. I woke up on a shore craving brains. And next thing I know, I've cracked this corpse's head open... How could I bring that home to you? How could I be your wife? I had become a monster. And I was confused, and I was dangerous. Every decision that I made last year, I made trying to protect you from my new reality. I-I know that in your eyes I screwed up badly along the line, but I did the best I could.
Major Lilywhite: You know, I just... I keep asking you for some space, and every time I turn around, here you are.
Liv Moore: [walks away but then pauses at the door] Why are you doing this?
Major Lilywhite: Doing what?
Liv Moore: Making me doubt the only thing in my life that I was sure was real.

  --  Even Cowgirls Get the Black and Blues [2.04]
%
[last lines]
Liv Moore: [narrating] Yeah, no kidding it'll make you crazy. You spend your life in a comfortable dream state believing in destiny. Then reality snaps you awake like a kick in the teeth. Bad things happen as often as good things. People who think they're meant to be together, aren't. Turns out we're nothing more than chemicals hurtling through space, haphazardly bouncing off each other [there's a knock on Liv's front door] [narrating] Feeling stupid we ever believed there was some grand plan.
[Liv opens the door, seeing an emotional Major on the other side]
Major Lilywhite: I need help.
[the two give each other a tight hug, the two begin to kiss, repeatedly, passionately]

  --  Even Cowgirls Get the Black and Blues [2.04]
%
[first lines]
Olivia Moore: [Liv and Major make out inside her doorway] What are we doing?
Major Lilywhite: Well, it's hard to put a label on it just yet. But I'll get back to you in a minute.
Olivia Moore: We should stop. We don't know enough about how the zombie is transferred. All this kissing.
Major Lilywhite: [Major and Liv keep kissing] I've been kissed by Blonde Liv before. Still human.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
Olivia Moore: That's it. Kissing moratorium until we're sure I just didn't turn you into a zombie.
Major Lilywhite: So, we're going the Pretty Woman no-kissing-on-the-mouth route. I'm down!
Olivia Moore: Oh, my god. Horny boys are the worst. When all your blood returns to the normal locations in your body, you're gonna care whether that make-out session has left you living or living dead.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
Clive Babineaux: Mike Hayden, night security guard.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Shot through the heart. And who's to blame?
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi doesn't get a response] No Bon Jovi fans here.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
Olivia Moore: I'm going to remind you something, son. Something you already know. The world ain't all Dilly Bars and debutante balls. The world throws wicked punches. It wants to see who goes down easy. Some people stay down on the mat. Not you, though. You were an undersized walk-on free safety at U-Dub. Three years later you were a starter. It takes a tough, get-back-off-the-mat son-of-a-bitch to do that. But that ain't what impressed me. I fell in love with the guy who could've cashed in on his looks, his connections, his notoriety. But instead, he said, I've been blessed, and I want to give back. I'm going to be a social worker. 'I'm going to be the guy who gets others back up.' I know you've taken some haymakers lately. I know that this time it's harder to get back up than it's ever been. But you're Major mother-flippen Lilywhite, and you don't quit.
Major Lilywhite: [Major says with a smile] God, you're so weird.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[Blaine pays a visit to Ravi to pick up the zombie cure]
Blaine DeBeers: [singing the Cure] I don't care if Monday's blue / Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too / Thursday I don't care about you / It's Friday I'm in love
Ravi Chakrabarti: To what do I owe the pleasure?
Blaine DeBeers: Come on. The Cure? I don't know why I bother.
Ravi Chakrabarti: The cure won't be ready for a while, yet.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[Major tells Liv he wants to get back together with her]
Major Lilywhite: Liv, I don't want to do this anymore.
Olivia Moore: Do what?
Major Lilywhite: Pretend I'm okay just being your friend. I want more. I want us to be together again.
Olivia Moore: Major, nothing has changed. I still...
Major Lilywhite: I know all the risks, and the reasons it can't work. But I don't care. I'm a better man with you in my life. Can we give it another shot?

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[Clive goes over the crime scene of Mike Hayden as Liv and Ravi talk sarcastically]
Olivia Moore: So, what? He turned off the cameras so his killer couldn't be identified? Think how easy it would be if there was video footage.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah. And the killer could've been wearing a T-shirt that inexplicably has his name and address written across his chest.
Olivia Moore: And the address was, like, right next to the police station.
Ravi Chakrabarti: And the killer's just waiting calmly, already in handcuffs, just, sort of, reciting his Miranda rights to himself.
Olivia Moore: That would be so great! Now what're we gonna do?
Clive Babineaux: [Clive hesitates] I guess we earn our paychecks.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[Liv questions Clive about being a Knicks fan after spotting his New York Knicks mug]
Olivia Moore: You're a Knicks fan?
Clive Babineaux: Yes. I've had this mug as long as you've known me. You're just now realizing I'm a fan.
Olivia Moore: I'm just impressed you broadcast it. Nice job using your lottery pick this year on Kristaps Porzingis.
Olivia Moore: [Liv coughs] Darko Milicic.
Clive Babineaux: We're really talking about basketball now? I caught you trying to put paperclips in here a couple week ago. You thought it was for knick-knacks.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[Gilda sees Major at the Max Rager gym and questions why he hasn't texted her]
Gilda: Good news is you're not dead. Bad news is you have to come up with some other excuse for not responding to my text.
Major Lilywhite: Yeah, well, I didn't get it until this morning. But it did make my heart flutter. 'U, up?' You stole my heart in those three characters.
Gilda: Whatever. You have to earn me spelling words out in their entirety.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
Olivia Moore: We can watch Hoosiers.
Major Lilywhite: After all these years? You've always refused before.
Olivia Moore: [Liv smiles] Well, back then, I was worried that seeing you cry over fictional sports would adversely affect my sexual desire for you. But that's not an issue anymore, friend.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[Liv takes over to coach Major's basketball team during practice]
Olivia Moore: [Liv blows the whistle] Huddle up! Here's what's going to happen, gentlemen. You're going to pick it up. I want to see ball movement, proper screens, hard cuts to the hole. And if I don't, I'm going to run you like dogs.
Olivia Moore: [the kids laugh, as we see them running on the court next] Let's go, ladies! Hustle! I tried to warn you, you want to dance, you got to pay the band.

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[Ravi talks to the test subject rats to test the zombie cure on]
Ravi Chakrabarti: All right, friends. What we have here is a concentrated dose of Max Rager and what we hope is Boat Party Utopium. If it's indeed the right stuff, you'll soon be zombie rats. Your courage will neither be forgotten, nor in vain. Who goes first? Do I have a volunteer?

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[last lines]
Suzuki's Wife: [Suzuki's wife pays a visit to Clive at the police station] Anyway, after you called, I started poking around. He had a beer fridge, and I found this in the freezer. I didn't know what to make of it. Maybe you will.
[Clive opens the plastic container and finds a piece of brain]

  --  Love & Basketball [2.05]
%
[first lines]
Major Lilywhite: [Major wakes up to an eggs and bacon breakfast in the kitchen] Whoa! Eggs! Mmm. Mmm-mm.
Major Lilywhite: [Major sits at the table and speaks to the bacon] What's shakin' bacon?
Peyton Charles: [as Ravi and Peyton watch] Body Snatchers?

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
[Liv asks Ravi how the safe sex research for zombies is going]
Olivia Moore: I've got that lucky feeling tonight, Doc. Give me some good news on the safe sex research.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, nothing certain yet, though I have proven that when you purchase boxes of every brand of condom available at once, the lady at the drugstore counter looks at you funny.

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
[Ravi rushes into Liv and Clive's bedroom]
Ravi Chakrabarti: Are you decent?
Olivia Moore: [under the blankets together] Decent enough.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Tell me you haven't had sex yet.
Major Lilywhite: Seems like a question you could've asked outside the door.

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
[Liv hums 'The Blue Danube' song while working on a dead body next to Ravi]
Ravi Chakrabarti: [as Liv hums] Did you and Major have sex?
Olivia Moore: Whoa. Aren't Brits supposed to be repressed? What would Judi Dench say?
Ravi Chakrabarti: She'd say we don't know a lot about the sexual transmission of zombie-ism.

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
[FBI Agent Bozzio meets Liv and Major for the first time]
Dale Bozzio: [to Liv] Dale. It's nice to get a name. In my head you've been, um, 'Girl from the morgue who somehow makes Goth work.'
Major Lilywhite: Oh, that is her Native American name. Hi, I'm Barely Employed Arm Candy. No, I'm Major.
Dale Bozzio: [Bozzio smiles] You certainly are.

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
[Angus DeBeers tells Blaine that he's going to need a bigger coffin to dispose of Chief's body]
Angus DeBeers: You're gonna need a bigger box for your employee here.
Blaine DeBeers: We usually just chop off the feet. Nobody looks down there.

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
Clive Babineaux: Is that a balloon animal?
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi smiles] Ah, yeah, clown college. Uh, I'm available for parties.

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Zombie virus is a hundredth the size of a typical virus. I tested every brand of condom, every material. 102 samples. Zombie virus went through all of them. If you have sex, Major will become a zombie. That is not a risk, that's a certainty. Look, someday I'll cure it. I will. But until then, I'm sorry.

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
Angus McDonough: Mark Jarrett. A rival of mine. Needs taking care of.
Blaine DeBeers: You want his brain? Help yourself to some trade secrets?
Angus McDonough: His son's, actually. He's the heir apparent, in on everything. So, I get the trade secrets and the bonus of emotionally devastating my rival.
Blaine DeBeers: Oh. So this guy loves his son?

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
[last lines]
Don Everhart: [Don E. talks to Blaine in the morgue of the funeral home as Blaine listens to orchestral music] What are we listening to? Can we turn this crap off.

  --  Max Wager [2.06]
%
[first lines]
Olivia Moore: [Liv and Major lay in bed togther after making out] Phew! That was pretty good.
Major Lilywhite: Yeah.
Olivia Moore: It was almost as good as sex. Like the difference between a turkey burger and a hamburger.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Olivia Moore: So you're okay with it? Because if we're gonna do this we have to be totally honest with each other this time around.
Major Lilywhite: Of course I want to sex you up, girl. You're very attractive, and I very much have a penis. But just being with you is enough. Honest.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
[Liv compares herself to Britney Spears while talking to Major]
Olivia Moore: When I eat someone's brain, it sets up camp in me. It's like, I'm always Britney, but sometimes I'm Hit Me One More Time Britney, and sometimes I'm... shaved head, smashing car windows Britney.
Major Lilywhite: Real talk? I thought both of those Britney's were hot.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Syd Wicked. I want to change my name to something cool like that. What do you think of Rick Bang?
Olivia Moore: I think Rick Bang lives in a one-bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley and gets paid to do it on camera.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Ow. Well, Steph told me how to figure out my porn name. Sadly, it's Polly Cripplegate.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
[magician-brain Liv does a magic card trick for Ravi]
Olivia Moore: Okay. Have you thought of a card? Do you see it?
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv does the magic trick, as Ravi gasps] The 10 of clubs is missing. Where did it go, you witch?
Olivia Moore: Ah! The 10 of clovers. A clover needs a dark space to take root. A place as dark as a closed casket buried six feet under.
Ravi Chakrabarti: That's dark.
Olivia Moore: Or, a man's back pocket.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi gasps when finding the card in his back pocket] This is the best brain ever! I almost want to start killing magicians so it never ends.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Major Lilywhite: Question. Since the two of you have really experienced zombie Liv first-hand, how extreme do her personality swings get?
Ravi Chakrabarti: She can be a bit mercurial. But most of the time I enjoy the variety. Of course, I don't have to date her.
Peyton Charles: There was the time her eyes turned red and she killed someone. I'm thinking that was probably a one-off.
Major Lilywhite: A one-off. That's good.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Blaine DeBeers: So, what do you say? Team up with me. Stop a zombie killer, maybe save a few lives? Have a few laughs?
Olivia Moore: I don't think so.
Blaine DeBeers: Okay, let me put it to you in Liv-speak. Some of these missing zombies have families and are 'nice people.' And more 'nice people' are going to go missing unless you and I do something about it. Look, we know things the FBI doesn't. So we're ahead of the curve. Help me, Zombie-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope.
Olivia Moore: This doesn't change the fact that you still sicken me.
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine smiles] Wouldn't be me if I didn't.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
[Liv explains the Empress tarot card to Blaine]
Blaine DeBeers: [Liv holds the card] What's that chick's problem?
Olivia Moore: That's the Empress. She symbolizes fertility and growth in the natural world. Ancients say...
Blaine DeBeers: Super boring. Sorry I asked.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Look at us, on a stakeout. You're like, the stoic by-the-book veteren and I'm the fun guy who...
Olivia Moore: Who deals drugs and kills homeless teenagers.
Blaine DeBeers: I was gonna say, 'Doesn't play by the rules,' but sure.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
[Blaine gives Peyton his phone number or at least thinks he does]
Blaine DeBeers: Here, take this.
Peyton Charles: [Peyton looks at the card] A free car wash?
Blaine DeBeers: Whoops, wrong card. I don't think our relationship is quite at that level yet.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Olivia Moore: What kind of name is Syd Wicked?
Clive Babineaux: Stage name. He's a magician. You don't dress like that unless you do magic or you hate your parents. Apparently there's some big magician convention happening at this hotel all week.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Of course! PrestoFest. How did I miss that. I'm on the mailing list.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
[Liv, Clive, and Ravi watch the video of Syd Wicked on his laptop]
Syd Wicked: Death. Most of us live in constant fear that at any moment, death will wrench us into an eternal darkness. But I have stared Death right in his face and he blinked first. Mark that. I'll use that for the intro for my closer.
Ravi Chakrabarti: What showmanship. The world has lost a storyteller.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Blaine DeBeers: You know those five missing gentlemen in the newspapers, the ones the FBI has seen fit to investigate?
Olivia Moore: Yeah?
Blaine DeBeers: Well, three of them were big fans of brains. I know. They were my customers. It seems someone out there is killing Seattle's zombies.
Olivia Moore: And you're here to warn me? To make sure that I watch my back?
Blaine DeBeers: Oh, God, no. I'm telling you this because I need your help to stop whoever's killing our living-challenged friends. Not to mention, it's bad for my bottom line. So, what do you say, partner? Should we take justice into our own hands?
[Blaine holds up the Justice Tarot card]

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
[Liv sums up what Twitter is to Ravi]
Olivia Moore: Twitter, a vast collection of humanity's impetuous thought vomitings.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'd like to think I'm quite introspective about what I tweet to my, 23 followers.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Olivia Moore: You killed the fourth man who walked on the moon?
Blaine DeBeers: Please, nobody cares about the fourth person to do something.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: We'd like to ask you some questions about Syd Wicked.
Houdina: He's not dead. I bet it's a stunt. Syd's very talented.
Olivia Moore: Trust me, he's dead.
Houdina: [Houdina smiles] Whatever you say.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
Olivia Moore: How long have you two had a feud with Syd Wicked?
Smoak: [Smoak whistles] Wow. Gonna just jump right in there, Lady Cop. Where's the craft? The showmanship? Look, you know the score with Syd. Everyone in this business had a beef with the guy. But us? We just liked screwing with him.

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
[last lines]
Olivia Moore: [Major arrives home seeing Liv still on the magician brain, heading straight to bed] Major? Major!

  --  Abra Cadaver [2.07]
%
[first lines]
Gilda: [Gilda finds Liv in their kitchen, as Liv downs a bottle of hot sauce out of the fridge] Good morning, stranger. Hangover cure?
Olivia Moore: Just a weird craving. At least it's not hollandaise sauce, right?

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
[Ravi and Liv arrive to the Karma Cleaners & Alterations shop]
Ravi Chakrabarti: All right, what's the plan?
Olivia Moore: We'll wing it. You ready to do this?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yes, and...
Olivia Moore: And what?
Ravi Chakrabarti: 'Yes, and... ' It's the first rule of improv? It's what keeps the scene moving forward.
Olivia Moore: Try not to talk. You willing to hold my hand?
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi smiles while holding Liv's hand] Yes. And...

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What if you have a vision of having sex with Clive? You might see his O-face!
Olivia Moore: Really? That's where your mind goes?
Ravi Chakrabarti: I bet it's super angry.
[Ravi makes an angry 'O' face]

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
Dale Bozzio: Oh, yeah. Clive is a huge Game of Thrones fan. You want to really set him off?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yes, please!
Dale Bozzio: Ask him what George R.R. Martin is doing right now.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi gasps] We don't know this man at all. Maybe he is a murderer. We should check his basement for human remains.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
[fatal-attraction-brain Liv in bed questions Major's late night text]
Olivia Moore: I'm going to plead temporary insanity.
Major Lilywhite: Hey. A little jealousy makes a guy feel wanted.
Olivia Moore: [Major gets a late night text] Little late for a text, isn't it?
Major Lilywhite: But let's not overplay it.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
Clive Babineaux: She was a badge bunny.
Olivia Moore: A what?
Clive Babineaux: A badge bunny. A woman who sleeps with cops. Something about the badge turns them on.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi whispers to himself] I have a badge.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
Olivia Moore: I'm Julie Walker and this tall drink of water is my fiance.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Shawrama Parachanchetabarka.
Olivia Moore: [Liv continues speaking] We just started wedding planning.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
[Vaughn Du Clark tells Gilda Max Rager has a new lab team]
Gilda: Wait! Who is this? Where's Dr. Irving?
Vaughn Du Clark: Oh, lab accident. Dr. Lockett's getting his big break.
Gilda: [Gilda scoffs] They're like drummers for Spinal Tap.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
Olivia Moore: Clive plays piano?
Dale Bozzio: Beautifully. He's got one in his living room. You've never been to his place?
Olivia Moore: Nope.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Clive has a strict church and state policy with regards to his work and personal life.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
[Liv tells Gilda about all the women she found on Major's Facebook page]
Olivia Moore: Well, I started out just looking for one name. But once I started poking around, I started noticing all these chicks throwing themselves at my man. Oh, 'So true, Major. Violence is bad. Keep fighting the good fight.' Classic whore line. 'A bunch of us are going out for karaoke. You should come with.' Toss your panties at him, Jezebel.
Gilda: Wow!

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
[Liv gets a text on her phone in front of Clive]
Olivia Moore: Oh! Jackpot! We've got a hit. 'I'm gonna need a slim jim, a black hoodie and a head lamp.'
Clive Babineaux: What exactly...
Olivia Moore: The less you know the better.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
[Ravi talks to Liv through the prison visiting glass]
Ravi Chakrabarti: We get eight more minutes. So, what do you want to talk about? Oh, what's the best American album of all time? I say, it's Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys.
Olivia Moore: Can we just sit here? Eight minutes of silence is just what the doctor ordered.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
Olivia Moore: You have a safe in your closet?
Major Lilywhite: You're back.
Olivia Moore: I didn't like how we left things, so I came back to apologize. When did you get the safe?
Major Lilywhite: I got it when a giant zombie broke into my place last year.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
Olivia Moore: It gets worse. Detective Cavanaugh is on the case.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Detective Cavanaugh? That weasel-faced kiss-ass? He'd waterboard his own mom if it meant making lieutenant.
Detective Cavanaugh: [Enters] To make lieutenant?C'mon. I'm not a monster. Now, for captain's bars? I'd go full Gitmo on the old biddy.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
[last lines]
Olivia Moore: [Major opens the safe in his closet for Liv] My engagement ring. I thought for sure you'd sold that when I gave it back to you.
Major Lilywhite: I couldn't stand the idea of anyone else ever wearing it. Besides, I never gave up hope that you'd want it back.

  --  The Hurt Stalker [2.08]
%
[first lines]
Carlos Rena: [the two men chase down a female victim in the street, knocking her to the ground] Get up, bitch!
The Fog: [when The Fog vigilante intervenes] Prey on the weak. Feast on my fury.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Ravi tells Liv that the vigilante The Fog was a man who stood for justice]
Ravi Chakrabarti: I think it's noble to go out and pursue danger to protect the innocent, to be an active symbol of hope. To show the world that one person can make a difference.
Olivia Moore: I just think it's kind of ridiculous.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Would you say that to Batman?
Olivia Moore: If he were real, yes, I would.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Ravi tries thinking of a superhero name for Liv]
Ravi Chakrabarti: 'Super Dead,' that's just too awkward to say. 'Help me, Super Dead.' Ooh! 'Mighty-Whitey!' What do you think?
Olivia Moore: I think I would be the Ku Klux Klan's favorite superhero.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Blaine brings the dying man Drake Holloway to the police morgue]
Ravi Chakrabarti: We are not an emergency room. We're not equipped for this. This man is dying, and your first thought is to bring him here?
Blaine DeBeers: Actually, my first thought was to call you and have you come to my place, but I had some concern you wouldn't show, so...

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Blaine tells Drake that he's a zombie]
Blaine DeBeers: How familiar are you with the movie... Dawn of the Dead?
Drake Holloway: I've seen it.
Blaine DeBeers: Remember how that group of survivors barricaded themselves inside of a mall?
Drake Holloway: Yeah.
Blaine DeBeers: You're what's outside of the mall. You're a zombie.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Clive tells Liv the true identity of who The Fog is]
Clive Babineaux: Everyone on the force knew this guy. His name is Chris Allred, AKA The Fog. He was a high school shop teacher by day, but at night, he would put on a costume and patrol the streets. He considered himself a real-life superhero.
Olivia Moore: So he was crazy?

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Ravi inspects The Fog's utility belt]
Ravi Chakrabarti: As a man who's mentally assembled his own utility belt, I find The Fog's impressive. Carabiner hooks. Giant marble. Oh! A giant marble.
Olivia Moore: Marble?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Always handy. Mace.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi sniffs the mace] No. No, wait. It's chloroform. And the handiest of crime-fighting tools, duct tape.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Clive and Liv find Mr. Boss in the Santa outfit]
Clive Babineaux: That's Mr. Boss. He's head of the biggest crime syndicate in Seattle.
Olivia Moore: [Liv in a low voice] So all this Santa delivers to our city is crime.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Liv tells Clive she has a vision of who killed The Fog]
Olivia Moore: The Fog, he was attacked by another guy in a costume. Tic-Tac-Toe Man, or something.
Clive Babineaux: That's Hashtag. I'll bring him in. He's another joker in a mask.
Olivia Moore: You know where to find him?
Clive Babineaux: All you have to do to summon Hashtag is to hashtag, Hashtag.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Don E. brings in a dying man to Blaine's funeral home]
Don Everhart: [Don E. nervously] This is so bad. This is so bad, you got to do something.
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine spoofs Star Trek] 'Dammit Don E., I'm a brain dealer not a doctor!'

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[Ravi continues to try and think of a superhero name for Liv]
Ravi Chakrabarti: What do you think about calling yourself 'Doctor Power'? 'Dead Power'? 'Doctor Dead'? How about 'Snow Woman'? Because you're ice-cold, right? Potentially deadly and...
Olivia Moore: A woman, clever.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
Hashtag: The Fog thought he was the king of the superheroes. Always bad-mouthing me to the others. Then I find out he's got a super-team and doesn't ask me. Do you know how many marketing opportunities I was going to lose out on if I wasn't included? You ever hear of Snake Bite?
Clive Babineaux: No.
Hashtag: But I bet you can name everyone in the Justice League, can't you? I rest my case.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[superhero-brain Liv introduces the Super-Team to Detective Clive Babineaux]
Olivia Moore: [Liv in a low voice] Ghost Cobra. Gray Area. Superfly. Mega Fist. Blue Swallow. Detective Babineaux needs your help. And someday, you may need his. Think of him as your Jim Gordon.
Clive Babineaux: I'm not your Jim Gordon.
Olivia Moore: That's right. He's his own man. Detective Clive Babineaux. Remember that name. Your friend in the Seattle PD.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
Don Everhart: To eat brains or not to eat brains? That is the question.
Blaine DeBeers: It's a bit of an acquired taste.
Olivia Moore: You couldn't of flavored it up a bit for him?
Blaine DeBeers: Sorry. The quality of all the meals have gone downhill here since someone's boyfriend offed my chef. Poor Don E. has been reduced to eating pepperoni pockets.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
Olivia Moore: Can we both be honest for a moment? We both know deep down that this can't work. Being a zombie has changed me. You love the woman I was before. You tolerate the woman I am now.
Major Lilywhite: Who you are now is only temporary.
Olivia Moore: This brain is temporary. But... The not being able to have sex, the day-to-day personality changes, that's the new normal. And that's what neither one of us is okay with. We're not. The truth is, we belong with our own kind.
Major Lilywhite: Is this... are we breaking up?
Olivia Moore: We have to.

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[last lines]
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi speaks into his recorder, after he finds that the test rat regressed and went back to zombie form] The subject maintained a normal state for 162 days. The reversion to zombie form was sudden and complete. There were no warning signs. If the cured rat regressed to zombie form, it's more than likely that at some point, the cured humans will as well. The reversion also casts doubt on all working theories about the cure, muting whatever hopes we've been able to muster. And if hope is indeed lost, what's left for our zombies to live for?

  --  Cape Town [2.09]
%
[first lines]
Olivia Moore: [Liv arrives at Ravi's house] Hey, I just got your message. I came as soon as I could.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I texted you last night. Several times. Where were you?
Olivia Moore: Out thinking. Where were you, Pigpen?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Out digging.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[the two Zombie actors tell Liv and Clive they are the Zombie High show]
Zombie #1: Hey, hey, without us, there is no Zombie High. It's just... High.
Zombie #2: Yeah, where's the mutual respect? You know what'd be fun? A zombie show where a zombie's the star.
Clive Babineaux: That's dumb.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[Ravi tells Major the good news about the location of the tainted Utopium]
Major Lilywhite: Where do you think it is?
Olivia Moore: In the stomach of a dead drug dealer with a prosthetic leg.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, the good news is, we've managed to narrow the location of his unmarked grave to a single 100-acre field.
Major Lilywhite: You really need to work on the whole 'good news' concept.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[Major gives Liv her Christmas present]
Major Lilywhite: I got you a little something, Liv.
Olivia Moore: [Liv opens the present and gasps] Zombie High, the Complete Second Season!
Ravi Chakrabarti: What's my gift?
Major Lilywhite: Not having to watch that.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[Liv and Ravi arrive to the set of Zombie High]
Olivia Moore: Last night, I was watching Zombie High, and now I'm friggin' in it. But only because the star's been murdered. Is there a word that means both cool and awful?
Ravi Chakrabarti: In the 16th century, the word was egregious. Now it just means, 'shockingly bad.' As in, the way Zombie High treats science.
Olivia Moore: It's not supposed to be a documentary on zombie biology.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Then mission accomplished.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[Ravi watches a scene of Zombie High]
Ravi Chakrabarti: Ugh, it's like a bad-acting workshop. This is what you get when a TV show worships at the altar of youth, bimbos and himbos running around screaming, in a school where, apparently, shop class isn't the only place to see something wooden and poorly constructed.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
[Liv on actor-brains does some improvisation with Ravi and an imaginary apple]
Olivia Moore: Remember what it's like to eat an apple? Oh, look, there's one now, ripening on this tree.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv picks the apple off the imaginary tree] Hey, I was saving that.
Olivia Moore: [Liv shines the apple on her lab coat before taking a bite of it] The skin is so smooth and cool. Here, let me make it shiny before I... Mmm. So crisp and juicy. Oh, sorry. I got some on you.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Fascinating. I wish I had some popcorn. Oh, wait, I do.
[Ravi smiles, opening his computer desk and pulling out a bowl of imaginary popcorn]

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
Director: Cut! Come on, people. There's only one gunshot. So why are there two squibs?
Bonnie: Standards won't let us get away with that much blood.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[Liv on the set of Zombie High recalls some of the show's scenes]
Olivia Moore: [Liv gasps in the school hallway] Oh, my God. That's where Burdick defied principle Henson and went out looking for more ammo.
Olivia Moore: [Liv gasps] And this is the drinking fountain where Burdick first got the news that his foster brother was his actual brother.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi gasps when he see's the actual dead Burdick] And that's where Burdick died.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[Clive goes over the murder of David Biel the Santa Claus]
Clive Babineaux: David Biel, a resident of the Yesler Mission Men's Shelter. Lately, he's been raising them money at Third and Cherry dressed like this, ringing a bell.
Olivia Moore: Any idea why someone rang his?

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
Gilda: He's playing you.
Vaughn Du Clark: Please. You can't play a player.
Gilda: You're too vain to see it. He's blinded you with man-jewelry and the promise of a rock-hard ass.
Vaughn Du Clark: Well, promise delivered.

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[last lines]
Dale Bozzio: [Agent Bozzio sees the sketches of Blaine on Clive's police desk] Who's this?
Clive Babineaux: Uh, a suspect in the Meat Cute Massacre. Why?
Dale Bozzio: I just met him. Two of my missing presumed-dead guys had his phone number on them. This is our guy!

  --  Method Head [2.10]
%
[first lines]
Grace LeGare: [a man walks into a school library] Can I help you?
Kyle: I just need to use the computers.
Grace LeGare: Do you need the Wi-Fi password?

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
Dale Bozzio: I hate tea. Burnt water with plants in it. Some dick took the last K-cup.
Dale Bozzio: [Bozzio smiles when she sees that it was Clive who's sipping away at the K-cup] I'd throw this on your lap if I wasn't going to use it later.

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[Ravi tells Clive about the poison hemlock]
Clive Babineaux: What do we know about hemlock?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, I believe it was Socrates who said of hemlock, 'I drank what?'

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[Liv and Clive listen to Grace LeGare's pre-release copy of her audiobook]
Kristen Bell: [Liv and Clive share headphones] 'The Upright Position,' as read by Kristen Bell.
Olivia Moore: I've always felt a kind of connection to her.
Kristen Bell: [the audio sample continues] He tore off my scarf, a savage beast in heat. 'You've been a bad little bitch, haven't you?' My breasts heaved against the cool, molded plastic of the airplane's instruments. He pressed his maleness against me. 'Sonja,' he growled, husky with passion. 'I'm gonna show you why they call it a cockpit.'

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[Liv on erotica-librarian-brain slaps Ravi in the butt at work]
Olivia Moore: I've been a bad morgue attendant. I'll understand if there are punitive measures.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, did you eat a librarian from a porno?

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
Olivia Moore: Have you guys ever wrestled? Stripped down, oiled up, seen who winds up on top?
Major Lilywhite: [both guys hesitate] Have we?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Strangely enough, no.
Major Lilywhite: [Major looks back to Liv] Night's young.

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[Agent Bozzio tries to get the computer app for the GPS dog tracker to work]
Dale Bozzio: Ugh. Why is the little dot not coming up?
Clive Babineaux: You gotta tap reload to make it...
Dale Bozzio: Did you hear that?
Clive Babineaux: What?
Dale Bozzio: It sounded like a man who's never used this app in his life trying to mansplain.

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[Andy LeGare explains his motive for killing his wife]
Andy LeGare: I'm going to be in this chair for the rest of my life. You know what gets me through my days? Knowing that people look at me and they see a hero. You know what I was going to be once that book came out? The guy who couldn't give it to his wife, so she fantasizes about doing it with everybody else. Threesomes. French guys. Ex-cons.
Olivia Moore: She didn't cheat on you. They weren't her stories.
Andy LeGare: No one's gonna believe that. I begged her not to publish. She didn't care. My wife didn't care.

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[erotica-librarian-brain Liv tells Drake that this is the brain making out with him]
Olivia Moore: She hadn't gotten laid in years. This really isn't me.
Drake Holloway: This isn't, uh, far from me. Really, I would've been willing pre-brain. Pre-zombie. Pretty much anywhere after my 12th birthday.

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[Agent Bozzio reveals Blaine's true identity to Clive]
Clive Babineaux: [Clive holds up a mug shot of Blaine] Blaine. We found him.
Dale Bozzio: Gets crazier. DeBeers is an alias, too. It's a moniker he picked up from some high schoolers he sold beer and pot to with a real winner, Julien DeWeed. As in 'Blaine's got da beers, Julien's got da weed.'

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
Drake Holloway: So, here's the thing... if I can't deal with Blaine anymore, you think I could, um... get brains from you? From here?
Olivia Moore: I don't really know you.
Drake Holloway: Oh. No, I totally get it. I'll make the Blaine situation work.
Olivia Moore: But I'd like to know you.
Drake Holloway: [Drake chuckles] Yeah? Just say when.

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[Major and Ravi dig in the open field when Major continues to find buried license plates]
Major Lilywhite: Why do people bury license plates? Do they think cars are going to grow out of the ground? All this digging in a field, and still no tainted Utopium, but I have license plates from 30 states.

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[Peyton and Blaine share accents with how drunk whiskey makes them]
Peyton Charles: [Peyton in a southern accent] I don't know what it is, but it makes me drunk southern. Uh-huh.
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine in a southern accent] Mmm-hmm. What about champagne?
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine in a French accent] Do you go French? Ooh! What about tequila?
Peyton Charles: Oh, God, no. You do not want to know what happens to me when I drink tequila.
Blaine DeBeers: I'm pretty sure I do.
Peyton Charles: No. No.
Blaine DeBeers: Yes. As for me...
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine in a Cockney accent] I go drunk Cockney, I do. Oh! A cuppa mudder's ruin, luv, an it's all 'Varder those bonnie lallies.' Etcetera, etcetera.

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[last lines]
Peyton Charles: [before leaving Liv's home, Peyton tells Liv with tears down her eyes] You know, you sleep with someone, you think you know them. But they could be anybody. Good night.
Drake Holloway: [as Liv walks into her bedroom, seeing Drake in bed] Everything okay?

  --  Fifty Shades of Grey Matter [2.11]
%
[first lines]
Drake Holloway: [Liv walks into her bedroom, seeing Drake in bed] Everything okay?
Olivia Moore: Yeah. Just helping a friend. Sorry I took so long.
Drake Holloway: Don't be sorry. Watching you crawl back into bed is not a bad thing.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Clive hopes for Liv's help with the three headless victims]
Clive Babineaux: Hoping you can work your magic, Liv, help ID these guys.
Olivia Moore: Uh...
Ravi Chakrabarti: Looks like a no-brainer to me, Liv.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
Peyton Charles: When I was in college, I had this professor, and when he'd hand out the Friday quiz, he'd say, 'Duck soup for you, Sweetheart.' I think he thought it was easier for me than everyone else. But I was probably working twice as hard.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah, before you moved in, I just thought you were a fembot that plugged into a charging station at night.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: You need to be careful not to overshare on social media. Anything zombie-related is TMI.
Olivia Moore: Don't worry. I'm on my chill hustle hundo-p.
Ravi Chakrabarti: My annoying millennial speak knowledge ended with TMI, so I have no idea what you just said.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Liv and Clive interrogate the CI Tanner about a new player in town]
Olivia Moore: [Liv takes a photo of Tanner when he doesn't cooperate] What's your Twitter handle, Tanner? Hashtag 'real CI's of Seattle,' hashtag 'riding the U-boat.'
Tanner: Sally Tiny Tears is freaking me out, man. I can't have people thinking I'm tight with cops.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
Peyton Charles: Look, I know one thing. If I ever was turned into a zombie, my first order of business would be to scratch you. I'd be like, 'Oh, man! I'm a zombie.' Scratch!
Ravi Chakrabarti: Seems a little self-serving, but okay.
Peyton Charles: No way am I doing this whole zombie thing without you.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Peyton and Ravi hug each other goodbye]
Peyton Charles: You're the best.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You know, for the record, I'd be very sad to see you go. My liver, on the other hand, is like, 'Good riddance.'

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Ravi catches Liv posting a picture of Madison Brenneck's brain on Instagram]
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi clears his throat] Did you post a picture of what I assume is Madison Brenneck wrapped in sushi rice on your Instagram account? Hashtag 'brain food'?
Olivia Moore: 'Course I grammed it, that fish was on fleek. Oh, my God. Why did I post that?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Why does anyone post pictures of food? I think it's okay. It just looks like raw tuna.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Ravi tells social-media-brain Liv that he did some research on Madison Brenneck]
Ravi Chakrabarti: It turns out our Madison was quite the millennial social media maven. Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr. She had over 600 Yelp reviews. The day she died, she tweeted 27 times.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [when Ravi notices Liv not paying attention by tweeting] Liv. Liv.
Olivia Moore: 'Devoured tuna roll.' Hashtag 'Sushi obsessed.' Hashtag 'Covering my ass.'

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Peyton sees Liv tweet a selfie photo of them both that she just took]
Peyton Charles: Did you just tweet that photo of us? Hashtag 'friendship goals.' Hashtag 'booty had me like what'?
Olivia Moore: [Liv with a smile on her face] Not cool?
Peyton Charles: Uh, little weird.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Liv sees that Drake doesn't have a Facebook when she asks for Clive's advice]
Olivia Moore: What does it mean if the guy you're dating isn't on Facebook?
Clive Babineaux: I don't use Facebook. So, nothing?
Olivia Moore: Hmm.
Clive Babineaux: Or maybe he's married with a bunch of kids.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[the CI Tanner sees Liv at the police precinct]
Tanner: You look just like this doll my little sister used to have.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Ravi watches a video of social-media-brain Liv unpack a MorgueTech box]
Ravi Chakrabarti: A hundred and fifty-three people watched you unpack a box. How? Why? Please tell me you're not watching your own vlog.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Vaughn Du Clark reads out a tweet from Twitter to Major]
Vaughn Du Clark: 'Max Rager tastes like the ass of a turtle swimming in a dirty river.'
Gilda: I don't know why he does this to himself.
Vaughn Du Clark: Thank you, Sambulo21, from Swaziland. Boy, I just love this guy's comprehensive knowledge of how turtle ass tastes.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
Vaughn Du Clark: I'm going to be so upset if you're not telling me the truth. And I don't get mad, Major.
Major Lilywhite: You get even?
Vaughn Du Clark: Oh, God, no. No, no, no. Where's the fun there? No. I get even with interest. I embrace the Chicago way.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
Drake Holloway: Haven't heard from you. What happened? Sex-starved-librarian brain wear off and you lost interest?
Olivia Moore: Oh, no, I've just had a crazy day at work, lots of murders.
Drake Holloway: [Drake pulls out his phone] Yet you, uh, had time to tweet 17 times today. 'Pumpkin spice latte, yay!' 'Stop lights, boo!' 'Wow, Seattle, cloudy much?'

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[Drake's mother takes a picture of Drake and Liv standing together]
Drake's Mother: Okay, press your tongues to the roof of your mouths. You know, we don't want any waddles. And smile!
Olivia Moore: [Drake's mother snaps the off-centered picture] If you post that, you have to tag me in it.
Drake's Mother: [Drake's mother smiles] I don't know what that means, honey.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
Peyton Charles: You don't mind me staying in your hair a little longer?
Ravi Chakrabarti: I do mind. Yeah, you know... But Nietzsche taught us that to live is to suffer.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[last lines]
Olivia Moore: [Liv has a vision of Don E. selling Blaine's drugs] Blaine is the new player.

  --  Physician, Heal Thy Selfie [2.12]
%
[first lines]
Major Lilywhite: [Major and Ravi dig in the open field in search of the Utopium on the dead body] Ravi! Ravi!
Major Lilywhite: [Ravi takes his headphones off] We did it! There he is! Zombie cure, here we come!
Ravi Chakrabarti: It isn't one of our guys. Ours has been dead for nearly two years. This one's only a couple of months gone.
Major Lilywhite: Then who is this?

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
[Major and Ravi describe to Clive how they found the dead body in the open field]
Clive Babineaux: Geo-whatting?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Geocaching. It's a real world outdoor treasure hunting game. Strangers leave caches, post the GPS coordinates, and then people like us go out and find them. That's what we were doing.
Clive Babineaux: What sort of treasures?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh! Let's see. Uh, Matchbox cars, sets of crayons.
Major Lilywhite: Yeah. I found a wheat penny once.
Clive Babineaux: So treasures for children.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's more about the joy of discovery. Why do men climb mountains, Clive?
Clive Babineaux: Because it tests their endurance, their courage, their sense of themselves as men? Oh, I'm sorry. Were you drawing a comparison?

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
[Blaine gets a visit from his father's domestic help Frieda Baker]
Frieda Bader: Still the insolent boy.
Blaine DeBeers: I blame my upbringing. Clearly, I wasn't beaten enough as a child.
Frieda Bader: It remains my greatest regret.
Blaine DeBeers: Really? So you're over losing out to Eva Braun, huh?

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
[Blaine and Freida Bader listen to his father's will, as the father states Frieda will receive $10 million]
Angus DeBeers: [on the television] To my dear friend, Frieda Bader, who has served me loyally for 35 years, I leave $10 million and the Lake Como estate.
Blaine DeBeers: And why not? She only starved your son to punish him for tracking in mud. Gave away his dog when he was caught shoplifting bubblegum.
Frieda Bader: And you still believe that, shedding barking mutt was given away. You never wondered why the rose bush in the south garden grew so fast and full?

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Clive Babineaux: I'll run this by Bozzio.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi whispers] If she bears your children, you'll start using her first name, right?

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Bartender: Yeah, Corey Carp. But everyone called him Big Fish.
Olivia Moore: Because he's a big guy and his name is Carp?
Bartender: [the bartender chuckles] No. Because everything out of his mouth was a lie.
Olivia Moore: Ah.
Bartender: A fish story.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
[Clive and Liv bring in Miss Shaefer to identify the dead body of Corey]
Miss Shaefer: [Miss Shaefer sees the body] Oh! Oh, this jackass.
Clive Babineaux: You do know him?
Miss Shaefer: Kind of. His name's Corey. I hooked up with him a couple months ago. Dick never called me again.
Olivia Moore: Possibly because he was dead.
Miss Shaefer: Yeah. You're right. That's probably why. 'Cause I know he had a good time.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Blaine DeBeers: I'm gonna need my dad back. God, do I miss that man.
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine tries to cry] Nope. Can't do it. You need me to show you a photo, or?
Major Lilywhite: No, I have no doubt which one is your dad. Imperious, fancy dresser, owns a bust of himself.
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine smiles] That's the guy!

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Stacey Boss: I'm not disputing that Bonnie and Clyde are like family to you, but the IRS doesn't allow you to claim pit bulls as dependents.
Billy the Chin: But I'm their sole provider.
Stacey Boss: I know, but I always advise my clients to stay on the right side of the law.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Olivia Moore: [narrating] Everyone lies. It's a coping mechanism. A key survival trait. Show me someone who always tells the truth, and I'll show you a weirdo. But maybe the most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves. That boy you like? The one who gets shot, the one who hangs out with Don E. and Blaine and disappears in the middle of the night. You've never seen his place or met his friends.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
[Liv leaves Drake a voice message]
Olivia Moore: Hey, it's me. I thought you were coming over for dinner? Text me so I know you're alive? Unless I'm being ghosted. In which case that would defeat the purpose. Ah, frack!

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Olivia Moore: You know, I used to bartend.
Clive Babineaux: You never mentioned that.
Olivia Moore: Yeah. At this island-themed place called Jamaica Me Thirsty. The bartenders were the show, juggling bottles, making drinks blindfolded, dancing on the bar. I was kind of a big deal. Don't bother looking for the place now.
Clive Babineaux: Wasn't planning to.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Major Lilywhite: I was given a list. Three hundred names, all suspected zombies, all connoisseurs of fake tans, hair dye and hot sauce. My job was to figure out which ones were zombies and which ones weren't, and get rid of the ones that are. I was told that if I didn't do it, they would take out every single person on the list, and they would start with Liv.
Blaine DeBeers: Oh. Who's the 'they'? Let me know who's making you do this.
Major Lilywhite: No.
Blaine DeBeers: You must have a pair on you the size of watermelons.
Major Lilywhite: If I told you, you have no reason to keep me alive. And aren't you a little bit interested to know if you're on their list?
Blaine DeBeers: Maybe a few more hours in the dark will make that quick death more appealing. Close him up. I'm not going to miss you.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Olivia Moore: This pathological liar brain is gonna get me in trouble. I can feel it.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Not with me. I'll know the truth when I hear it.
Olivia Moore: Ahh! I stand corrected.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Major Lilywhite: My handlers don't care which zombie I take out next as long as I make my way steadily down my list.
Blaine DeBeers: And they have you freeze them?
Major Lilywhite: They think I'm killing them.
Blaine DeBeers: Killing sounds easier.
Major Lilywhite: Yeah, except I'm not a murderer.
Blaine DeBeers: I bet you tell that to all the families grieving for their loved ones.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
Olivia Moore: My roommate is dog-sitting her uncle's mini golden doodle. So cute. The dog, not the uncle.

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
[last lines]
Major Lilywhite: [Major, Ravi and Liv find the dead body in the open field] Oh! Whoo!
Ravi Chakrabarti: Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Yeah! Yay!

  --  The Whopper [2.13]
%
[first lines]
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi tells Major and Liv what he salvaged from their unburied Utopium bodies] Stomach acid ate through all of the tainted Utopium-filled condoms they swallowed, but luckily, one of them had the good sense to stash these in their prison wallet, allowing me to salvage enough powder...
Major Lilywhite: If not your dignity.
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...to create more cure.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[Major tries to rush Ravi for the zombie cure]
Major Lilywhite: Now, imagine how put out the guy who invented the polio vaccine must've been. You know, what with all the impatient children dying of polio stacking up.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Jonas Salk is the man's name. Perhaps if he'd score a touchback for the Huskers.
Major Lilywhite: Or a touchdown for the Huskies.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[the coffee shop cashier Darcy reads Ravi their thought of the day]
Darcy: 'We must become the change we wish to see in the world.' That's Gandhi.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Your boss is Gandhi?
Darcy: No, the quote is Gandhi.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I know that. Of course I know that. I'm British. That manky old git cost us the crown jewel of our empire.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Olivia Moore: Did you happen to catch her last words?
Ravi Chakrabarti: 'I'll get the pooper-scooper!' Then, ker-splat.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[Liv tries to justify the death of Leslie Morgan]
Olivia Moore: Maybe this is God's way of saying, 'Whoa, Seattle, too much coffee.'
Ravi Chakrabarti: Not just any coffee. Positivity has Seattle's best coffee, verified by three straight titles in the local alt weekly reader's poll. Served up by the city's foxiest cashier. That part's simply my opinion.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Olivia Moore: So, what brings you down here on this beautiful morning?
Clive Babineaux: It's raining.
Olivia Moore: [Liv with a smile] That's liquid sunshine, my friend. Don't believe me? Ask a farmer. Or a duck.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Or Gene Kelly.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Stan Mendoza: Seattle's Daily Grind uses the same exact coffee. Same beans, same methods. You know what the difference is? They draw a little flower in the foam.
Olivia Moore: I love those flowers!

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Little test here, Liv. Jennifer Lawrence, out of my league?
Olivia Moore: She'd be lucky to have you.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Of course she would.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[Mr. Boss asks Blaine if he has any last words before putting him in the hole]
Stacey Boss: Here we are. Any last words?
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine smiles] I gave you a run for your money, didn't I?

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Olivia Moore: [narrating] What is it Cher said? 'Love makes you stupid.' With every passing hour, Leslie's impossibly upbeat brain has less control over me, and I'm able to see how naive I am about Drake. Does this mean I'm in love, or does it mean I'm dimwitted? Or is it the fact that even as I get back to my old self, I'm still giddy about him showing up that makes me an idiot?

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[Liv has finally discovered the true identity of Gilda, and punches her in the face]
Olivia Moore: [to Gilda laying on the floor] So... Gilda, or Rita, or whatever the hell your real name is. How many pictures of Major did I have around the house? Did you hunt him down on Tinder using a phony name? Or... no. You knew he was a trainer. That's how you found him? Those lingerie shots that you sent him when you knew your texts were already tearing me up. Was that part of the fun?
Gilda: I...
Olivia Moore: [interrupting] You know what? I don't want to hear your side of it. You're a sick bitch and I just want you out now! Because at midnight, I'm going to hunt down anything you left behind and burn it!

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[coffee-shop-brain Liv chooses to believe that the spirit of Leslie Morgan is in a better place]
Olivia Moore: What a mess. Poor thing. I choose to believe she's in a better place now.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Than under an air conditioner, you mean?
Olivia Moore: I'm talking about Shangri-La. The happy hunting grounds. Valhalla. The great coffee shop in the sky.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Darcy: Hi! Welcome to Positivity. What can I get for you this amazing morning?
Clive Babineaux: I'm Detective Babineaux, Seattle P.D.
Olivia Moore: I'm Dr. Moore, with the medical examiner's office.
Darcy: Oh, you must know Ravi. He's one of my favorites.
Olivia Moore: Isn't he just the best?

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Clive Babineaux: Could we speak to your manager?
Darcy: I'm a manager. Everyone who works here is. We're all co-managers.
Olivia Moore: Amazing.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Kenny: [about Blaine] Remember his nickname?
Stacey Boss: No.
Kenny: Chinatown. 'Cause you gave him a corner right in the middle. Of the blue cobras' territory, told him it was his if he could hold it.
Stacey Boss: In Chinatown. Got it. Great story.
Kenny: No. That's not how he got his name. He got it from the way he took the corner. He recruited these two 'roided-up Asian dudes from the gym. And put blue cobra tattoos on 'em. Had 'em grab the beat cop that worked that corner. They sliced open his nostril like Nicholson's. In Chinatown.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Bonjour, Darcy I've been at the lab all day, so I didn't really get a chance to primp. So, apologies if my hair looks like I've been driving with my head outside the window of the millennium falcon.
Darcy: Is that the new ford? The one for millennials?
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi chuckles] Ford. Well played. Wait, what?
Darcy: Hmm?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Hmm? The millennium falcon. A modified yt-1300 light freighter? Piloted by Han Solo? Played by Harrison Ford in Star Wars.
Darcy: Oh, Star Wars. Right.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi smiles] Yeah.
Darcy: I've never seen it.
[when Ravi loses all expression in his face]

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[Liv on coffee-shop-brain tries to comfort Cher for the loss of her mother Leslie Morgan]
Cher: Behind all those nutty sayings, She was just the kindest...
Olivia Moore: Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
Cher: That's exactly the kind of dorky thing she would say.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
Blaine DeBeers: I hear you're a procol harum fan.
Stacey Boss: I never cared for that psychedelic pseudo-mystical stuff. More of a British invasion guy.
Blaine DeBeers: Let's go back to my place, man. I'll play you anything you want. Beatles. Stones. Kinks.
Stacey Boss: Your playing days are over, I'm afraid. Lucky u. Sometimes, pointing out the irony almost feels cheap.

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[last lines]
Troop Leader: [Blaine crawls out of the ground behind a group of girl scouts during their bird watching] Girls, binoculars up. It's not quite mating season, so we might not see any pairs. But if you keep your eyes open you might get lucky.
Troop Leader: [Blaine walks up behind the girls half naked] There's one over there. You see it? The yellow belly. No. Look! It flew over there. Three branches down from the top left.
[as the girls scream when they see Blaine covered in dirt walk past them]

  --  Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind [2.14]
%
[first lines]
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine sits on a city bus listening to the music] I am hungry like the wolf.
Bald Man: [the passenger beside him] What?
Blaine DeBeers: The music. Hungry Like The Wolf.
Bald Man: I think that's The Reflex.
Blaine DeBeers: So true. So true.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
[Blaine reveals to Major that he's back to being a zombie]
Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine startles Major] What's the word? 'Boo?'
Major Lilywhite: This is you? You're a zombie again?
Blaine DeBeers: Yep. Back on the brain gang. Dang.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
[Annie Rosine tells Liv and Clive her story]
Annie Rosine: Look, I won't lie. It was a nightmare. I looked grotesque, my face looked like it was on fire, and, yeah, I wished horrible deaths on everyone involved. But thanks to modern medicine I lost my motivation to murder anyone.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
[Major tells Vaughn Du Clark that he slept with Rita]
Major Lilywhite: You didn't know?
Vaughn Du Clark: That you were doing the feather bed jig with my daughter? Um, no?
Major Lilywhite: Your...
Vaughn Du Clark: [Vaughn yells out] Daughter!

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
Olivia Moore: Vaughn Du Clark. That man is pure evil. I know that at my very core.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Rationalization isn't just a river in Egypt. No, no, wait. That's denial. Nevermind.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
Clive Babineaux: Can you tell me where you were Saturday night at 11:00 p.m.?
Dr. Alan Benway: Home. Alone. Weeping. My dating life isn't what it was.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
Olivia Moore: [narrating] Drake. Late again. What does it mean? Existing data points. Lateness, standing me up, leaving at odd hours of the night suggest various hypothesis. He's just not that into me, he's got a zombie on the side. Maybe I'm the zombie on the side. What I need is additional data and more detailed observation.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
[Liv asks Vaughn Du Clark what kind of research did Dr. Eleanor Cash do at his company]
Vaughn Du Clark: Energy drink research. We are an energy drink company.
Olivia Moore: What, specifically? CNS stimulation cascades? Amino acid recombination chains? Effects on cell integrity stimulated ATP production?
Vaughn Du Clark: I understood very little of that.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
Vaughn Du Clark: You wanna know what's in the basement?
Olivia Moore: Yes.
Vaughn Du Clark: Secrets. You know who else has a secret basement? Everyone. Because it's business, and businesses compete by trying to come up with even cooler new things, and you don't want someone trying to copy your new cooler thing before you're done, do you? So you work on it in your secret basement.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
Blaine DeBeers: You wouldn't happen to have any clothes I could borrow? Maybe something vaguely redolent of punting on the Thames?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Will that be all?
Blaine DeBeers: You mind calling me an Uber?

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
Clive Babineaux: More brains? Like the brains Mrs. Suzuki gave us? That we tested? And that came back bovine?
Dale Bozzio: Not these. Too big for a cow. Unless this cow's a genius. Cows are large. But their brains are smaller than ours. You ever met a cow? They're dumb.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
Olivia Moore: A full Romero zombie, Ravi. Dr. Cash had one in captivity. That's gotta be what's in the Max Rager basement.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Wait, how do you know you didn't see a zombie at some cheesy Halloween haunted house? Or on TV? In case you haven't noticed, our popular culture is quite inundated with zombies.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
[Ravi gives Blaine the untested zombie cure]
Ravi Chakrabarti: This is an in-case-of-an-emergency break-glass potential cure. Cured the zombie rat, who remains, for the moment, alive. But we have no idea of its long-term effects.
Blaine DeBeers: Like life itself.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I am only giving this untested version to you because of the potential of your death leaving Seattle zombies unfed.
Blaine DeBeers: So it's not the love that dare not speak its name brewing between us?

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
Dr. Lockett: Super Max magnifies the effect of adrenaline exponentially. As long as it's in your system, you have all the strength at your disposal that you might have if your loved one were trapped under a car.
Vaughn Du Clark: Hmm.
Dr. Lockett: These zombies have taught us how to unlock our potential. And I shouldn't need to tell you it's dangerous.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
[last lines]
Drake: [Drake talks to his mother on the phone] Yeah, Ma. Yeah, Ma. Ma, I gotta go.

  --  He Blinded Me... With Science [2.15]
%
[first lines]
Don Everhart: [Don E. walks into Blaine's funeral office seeing Blaine unconscious in his chair] Blaine? What is your go-to bagpipe player's name again? I know it's Something McSomething, but... Blaine?
Don Everhart: [Don E. starts to shake Blaine's body] Come on. Come on, man. Wake up. Wake up! Wake up!
Blaine DeBeers: Oh! Hey. What's with the manhandling?

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
Peyton Charles: Please, try and rent the apartment across the hall.
Olivia Moore: So we can be like the friends from Friends.
Peyton Charles: Oh! Yes!
Ravi Chakrabarti: Fantastic idea! Peyton is Monica-esque.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi looks at Liv] You're clearly a Rachel. Type-A. Relationship drama.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[Liv asks Major if he remembers the Friends episode about a zombie]
Olivia Moore: Remember the episode when Ross and Rachel break up because she's a zombie who wants to solve murder cases?
Major Lilywhite: Mmm. That was so us.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[a customer at the strip club tries to ask Peyton for a lap dance]
Drunk Guy: How much for a lap dance? $20?
Peyton Charles: I'm a lawyer.
Drunk Guy: $40?

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi holds a brain in his hands] Peyton, what a pleasant surprise. If I had known you'd be stopping by, I would've worn my less bloody lab coat.
Peyton Charles: Never visiting you at work again.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[Liv sees Blaine for the first time after he loses his memory]
Olivia Moore: Does he remember that he's a dick? I can smack him in the head a couple hundred times. See if that shakes something loose
Blaine DeBeers: Do you know me?
Olivia Moore: Unfortunately, yeah.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[Peyton and Liv arrive at a stripper club]
Peyton Charles: Did that dancer just accept a tip with her butt cheeks? That's just... I mean, how does she even know how much he gave her?
Olivia Moore: Oh, she knows.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[Liv on stripper-brain gives Peyton a lap dance to maybe get a vision]
Olivia Moore: It's a lap dance. Low mileage. No knee to groin contact. I'm your best friend.
Peyton Charles: Yeah. That's why this is awkward.
Olivia Moore: So, with some other girl it would be fine? Wait. Do you not find me attractive?

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[Liv on stripper-brain gives Peyton a more rough lap dance]
Peyton Charles: What do you want me to say?
Olivia Moore: I want you to appreciate how freakin' hot I am.
Peyton Charles: Okay.
Olivia Moore: Why do you have to make it all emotional? I have a body, all right? Can't you just think of me as a sexual object?
Peyton Charles: Fine. Whatever. You want to back up that booty, back it up. Let's see what you got.
Olivia Moore: Oh, I'll show you what I got.
Peyton Charles: Oh, bring it.
Olivia Moore: [Liv dances her butt up to Peyton's face] You know it's still 20 bucks, right?

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[Peyton and Liv on stripper-brain pay a visit to the amnesiac Blaine at the funeral home]
Blaine DeBeers: Can I interest you ladies in a cup of decaf java? Organic, fair trade, shade-grown, barely discernible carbon footprint.
Olivia Moore: There's going to be a discernible carbon footprint on your ass if you don't cut the crap.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[Liv and Clive sit on a stakeout together]
Olivia Moore: How do you not have any food in your car?
Clive Babineaux: Because you already ate two granola bars and my emergency almonds.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
Olivia Moore: [narrating] There's loyalty and there's being an idiot. Sometimes it looks the same. If you love someone despite what they do, you're lying to yourself. You can't love someone you don't really know. But it sure as hell can feel like you do.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
Major Lilywhite: [Ravi confronts Major about being the Chaos Killer after breaking into his safe] Why did you do this?
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi yells] Because I have the right to know if I'm living with a murderer! I should know if my friend is killing people!
Major Lilywhite: I'm not killing people!
Ravi Chakrabarti: What? They're not people? They're zombies? So, what's Liv to you?
Major Lilywhite: Look, you don't understand.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You stalk them, Major. You hurt them and you drugged them, and I'm terrified to find out what you...
Major Lilywhite: Stop!
[as Major begins to turn into a zombie rage mode]

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
Peyton Charles: Why are you acting so weird? What, are you high?
Blaine DeBeers: Probably?

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
Johnny Frost: Look, I was upset because Cassidy was stealing, but, we had a special bond. Truly. I'm not sure I'll ever get over losing her.
Destiny: [Walks up] I'm free now, Mr. Frost. Ready to hit the champagne room?
Johnny Frost: [to Liv and Peyton] You'll have to excuse me. Destiny is calling.

  --  Pour Some Sugar, Zombie [2.16]
%
[first lines]
Host: [two candidates debate over college radio for student president] Welcome back to Pacific West University Student Radio. Tonight, our two candidates for president for the student senate are taking questions from our listeners. And our first one comes from Jenn K, via Twitter, 'Why should I care about the election?' 'Hashtag, real talk.' Bailey, your response?
Bailey Barker: My first priority is to make the student senate accessible to the student body. As Thomas Payne once said, 'It is not in numbers, but in unity, that our strength lies.'
Brody Johnson: [Brody rebuttals] Ugh. There you go again. First, Jenn, you sound super-hot. 'Hashtag, let's hang out.' As House of Pain once said, 'Get out your seat and jump around.'

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[Major suggests to Ravi that they use the cure on Vaughn Du Clark]
Major Lilywhite: Vaughn can be our talking rat. Look, look, I scratch him, turn him into a zombie. We give him the cure. If he doesn't lose his memory, we know Blaine's lying. And if he does lose his memory, well, maybe the upside is he becomes a harmless shell of himself, like Blaine.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I mean, there are some ethical hurdles I need to get my head around...
Major Lilywhite: He's planning on killing Liv and me as soon as I'm done with that zombie list.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Okay, ethical hurdles cleared. I'll go prepare a syringe.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[Major tells Ravi how he was approached by the Max Rager corporation]
Major Lilywhite: Max Rager knows about zombies. And they know that they are, at least, partly to blame for them. They want to get rid of the evidence. They identify potential zombies through purchases. Okay, so, hot sauce, tanning, hair dye. But there are hundreds of names. They learned that I can detect zombies. So now they have me going down the list taking out anyone who sets off my zombie sense.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Did you consider turning down their offer?
Major Lilywhite: They said they'd murder everyone on the list starting with Liv.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I see. That's a tough first offer.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
Olivia Moore: I just beat the snot out of one of his goons trying to get answers, but he didn't know anything.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You did what?
Olivia Moore: He started it. He... He tried to manhandle me.
Ravi Chakrabarti: So you went Jack Bauer on him? Are you mental?
Olivia Moore: Okay, I might need to get off stripper brain.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
Olivia Moore: I wonder if we would've been friends if we'd met before I became a zombie.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Definitely. Like me for my antidotes, love me for my anecdotes.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[Liv turns in her case work for the Bailey Barker case]
Olivia Moore: Idle brains are the devil's workshop.
Clive Babineaux: I think it's 'hands.'
Olivia Moore: What did I say?

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[Ravi checks over Blaine's memory loss and gives him a professional diagnosis]
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm not seeing any post-concussion red flags. But if your memory loss persists, you should get an MRI, or a CT scan. Maybe a PET scan. Anything with an acronym, really, just as long as it tests brain function.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
Major Lilywhite: Look, if I take the second cure, and I survive, but I had no idea who you are, no idea who Liv is, if I don't even know who I am, what's the point? I mean, whose life would I be saving?
Ravi Chakrabarti: You know what we need. A talking rat. Then we'll know if Blaine's telling the truth.
Major Lilywhite: Ravi, you magnificent bastard, that's it!
Ravi Chakrabarti: I hope that whatever's got you excited doesn't require me to build some rat mind-reading device.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: You're the Chaos Killer?
Major Lilywhite: Technically, I'm the 'Chaos Kidnapper.' No one is dead, they're frozen.
Ravi Chakrabarti: In preparation for their long-haul interstellar journey?

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[Liv interviews Bailey Barker's friend Frankie when she tells her Brody Johnson is Bailey's murderer]
Olivia Moore: Why would he want to kill her?
Frankie: He was running against Bailey for president of the student senate.
Olivia Moore: They must really take their student government seriously here.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
Brody Johnson: [Brody wraps his arms around Liv] Bro! Bring it in like Flynn! Oh... Mmm, you smell good! You back here down to pound? Wanna go back to the house, play some flip cups, maybe touch bits?
Olivia Moore: Not even a little.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[a student informant asks Clive if he's the Serpico of his police precinct]
Informant: Is it true you're the Serpico of your precinct? The guy nobody likes?
Olivia Moore: So true.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
Detective Lou Benedetto: Wanna know what people say about you?
Olivia Moore: What?
Detective Lou Benedetto: That you're the real deal. That you'll be running your own morgue before you're 35.

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[Clive brings Agent Bozzio a burrito from the taco truck]
Clive Babineaux: Breakfast taco truck was out of Migas, so I got you a vegetarian.
Dale Bozzio: Sweet. What'd you get?
Clive Babineaux: Chorizo on bacon.
[Bozzio silently switches out her burrito with Clive's]

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[last lines]
Dale Bozzio: [Agent Bozzio arrests Major at the Max Rager corporation] Stop! Turn around! Down on the ground. Hands behind your back. Down. Major Lilywhite, you have the right to remain silent.
[Major lays down on his chest as he starts to go in his zombie rage mode]

  --  Reflections of the Way Liv Used to Be [2.17]
%
[first lines]
Olivia Moore: [Liv talks to Ravi on the phone while organizing his house] I'm here, Ravi. You were late so I let myself in with the hide-a-key. I did the living room, but I can't tackle the kitchen or the closet until you get back from the store. How bad is traffic? Okay you better hurry, because this Type A brain won't last forever. No, this is all wrong, I need to break this down by genre. Bye.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Agent Bozzio questions Ravi about his roommate Major Lilywhite]
Dale Bozzio: Questioning. You know how this works. You work for the police.
Ravi Chakrabarti: The people I work with usually don't speak much.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
Olivia Moore: Major is a zombie.
Clive Babineaux: Metaphorically?
Olivia Moore: Literally.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
Olivia Moore: Clive, I'm a zombie, too. I got scratched at the Lake Washington boat party massacre. And I turned. Like Major. I keep myself from turning all the way with brains from the morgue. That's where my visions come from, I feel out victim's personalities, I experience their memories. And I'm telling you this now, because Major has been locked up without brains, and he's going to turn. And if he turns, he'll infect everyone in that jail, it will spread out of control. You need to let him out. If you don't, by some time tomorrow, we can be looking at the beginning of the end of the world.
Clive Babineaux: I'm sorry, Liv, but... I don't believe you. I mean, I can't. I mean... You want me...
Clive Babineaux: [Liv walks into Clive's kitchen] Liv... Liv, Liv, what are you doing?
Olivia Moore: [when Liv stabs herself in the chest with a butcher's knife] Do you believe me now?

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
Olivia Moore: So, these victims aren't even dead? Major didn't kill them?
Peyton Charles: And he did all this to protect Liv?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah.
Olivia Moore: So Drake is still alive?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Frozen and, as discussed, a zombie, but yes...

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Blaine looks through his fridge for brains to lend to Liv]
Blaine DeBeers: Brains. Brains. The magical food. The more you eat, the more less brood.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Ravi asks Major in prison where his storage unit is in the form of a video game question]
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi clears his throat] I... actually... wanted to ask you about, a um... video game thing.
Major Lilywhite: Video game?
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm playing that zombie game we play? And I'm stuck. Um, and I have to get to the, uh, frozen zone... Where everything's frozen.
Major Lilywhite: What game is this?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Zombie... Town?
Major Lilywhite: [Major looks at the guard over his shoulder] Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Zombie Town.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah. I need to find the frozen zombies to beat the level, but I don't know how to get there.
Major Lilywhite: Right. Right. Um, the frozen zone. Okay, what you have to do, is go to the edge of water... world.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Edge of Water World?
Major Lilywhite: Yeah. On 15th. Level. 15th level.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Liv tells Clive that the zombies need brains just like the movies]
Olivia Moore: If zombies can feed regularly on human brains they can stay more or less functional. I've been feeding Major from the morgue. If they don't get brains, then yes, it's Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, World War Z. Take your pick.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Agent Bozzio interrogates Major with his lawyer Brandt Stone present]
Dale Bozzio: Tell us where we can find the bodies. Give the victims some closure.
Brandt Stone: He can't tell you that. My boy has no idea. And you have 30 hours to either charge him or let him go. Guard! Now if you don't mind, I need to get back to my office and rub ointment on my Shiba Inu's ass, 'cause some breeder sold me a $1000 dog with mange. So, if you're looking for a real criminal to go after... Take my client back to jail.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Brandt Stone questions Clive by pointing out the condition of his client Major]
Brandt Stone: [Brant Stone chuckles] Detective, I don't even know where to begin. The constitution, maybe? Arresting my client again after he's just been charged? That is textbook cruel and unusual. I mean, look at him. Look at my client. He looks like a... day-old dog dump. No offense.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Clive interrogates Major with his theory of what's going on with the brains]
Clive Babineaux: That's come up a lot. Brains. Missing brains. Brains in people's freezers. Here's my theory. There's some kind of weird brain cult out there. They killed some of your kids, you went after them.
Brandt Stone: [Brandt Stone chuckles before looking over to Major] Okay, can we just get Jules Verne in here? Because I'm only licensed to practice law in this dimension. What the hell is he talking about? Don't answer that.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Liv beats away on her drum instruments while at the apartment]
Olivia Moore: [narrating] Okay, so, one mystery solved. Apparently, this brain belonged to a drummer. Just as well, because I pretty much have nothing but nervous energy these days.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
Clive Babineaux: I'm here as a courtesy, Liv. Because we're friends, and things are about to get complicated.
Olivia Moore: More complicated than they are now?
Clive Babineaux: My case against Major is solid. We have his DNA at the scene, we have the witness who sold him the guns, we have plausible motive. You are his only alibi. You haven't been deposed yet, but when this gets going, you are going to get hammered hard. It's going to be rough. So what I came here to say is this, think it over. Then think it over again. If there's anything you left out, anything else you want to say, now's the time to come clean.
Olivia Moore: Clive, I told you, he was with me.
Clive Babineaux: I'm not here to discuss it. I just wanted to advise you to think about it. As a friend. Goodnight, Liv.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
Major Lilywhite: Liv, look at me. You need to get me the cure. Soon. Very soon.
Olivia Moore: Major, I mean about the case, and getting you something decent to eat.
Major Lilywhite: It's too late for that, Liv. All right? It's taking everything to stay myself, and if I'm not myself in here, it'll be bad.
Olivia Moore: Major, no. No, we can't. It wipes away your memory, everything...
Major Lilywhite: You have to make a choice, Liv, 'cause we're going to lose me one way or the other, and we both know one way is a lot worse.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
Peyton Charles: And this is, what exactly?
Olivia Moore: Chocolate-covered brain nougat. We have to get Major brains by tomorrow morning, or we're in serious trouble.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Brandt Stone quotes a line from the movie Silence of the Lambs to Peyton]
Brandt Stone: [Brandt in a weird accent] Quid Pro Quo, Bernice. Silence of the Lambs.
Peyton Charles: I think it's Clarice, but... Okay, Quid Pro Quo.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
Clive Babineaux: Dale, I... It's hard to explain.
Dale Bozzio: You've got to know you just blew up both of our cases. Your career... You can kiss any hope of getting into the FBI goodbye. Just, why?
Clive Babineaux: New evidence came to light. You know the feeling. He's not the guy. I just... Know it.
Dale Bozzio: [Bozzio tears up] That's the best I'm going to get? You're throwing everything away, your case, your career. Me. Just because? That's all you have? I don't understand. And it looks like I probably never will.
Dale Bozzio: [Clive remains silent] Goodbye, Clive.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[Liv returns to her job at the morgue happy to be back]
Olivia Moore: Hello, body. Hello, beakers. Hello, bone saw!
Olivia Moore: [Liv answers the phone to talk to Ravi] Hello, Ravi. Yes, I am here, and who knew I'd ever be this excited to be back in a morgue? Yes, the rats are in fine shape, the aneurism hook is looking sharp, the sutures are fresh.

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[last lines]
Olivia Moore: [Liv has a vision of the laboratories at Max Rager while on Janko-brain] He's alive! Drake's alive. I just saw your zombies. They're all alive!

  --  Dead Beat [2.18]
%
[first lines]
Major Lilywhite: [Major thanks Liv while beating on imaginary drums in the air] Thanks for letting Ravi and me stay here. I drove by my place, and my front yard is still occupied by reporters and looky-loos.
Olivia Moore: I know you're still rolling on drummer brain, but you need to switch to this. Janko brain.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Clive Babineaux: No way I'm getting eaten alive.
Olivia Moore: There's another option. I could scratch you.
Clive Babineaux: You wanna turn me into one of them?
Olivia Moore: Not one of them. One of us.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Stacey Boss: I want Blaine dead. Dead, dead. And when it's done, cut his head off, bring it to me in a hat box. This is Seattle, not Sleepy Hollow.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Major holds an ax when he opens the elevator door to Vaughn Du Clark inside]
Major Lilywhite: Here's Major!

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Personally, I've been toying with the idea of, uh, becoming a bad boy.
Peyton Charles: Is that right?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah. Start banging my mates' girlfriends, get into strip club fights, tip a few cows.
Peyton Charles: I can't imagine you doing any of that.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, you can't imagine good Ravi cow tipping, but bad Ravi?
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi scoffs] He'll knock a broad-arse bovine on her side without a second thought.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Major shakes Clive's hand for getting him out of prison]
Clive Babineaux: Be like Private Ryan. 'Earn this.'
Major Lilywhite: [Major smiles] That's the plan.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Major Lilywhite: So, it turns out the party at Max Rager tonight is a lock-in, down in an underground parking lot. Prison-themed. Because of their new Super Max drink.
Clive Babineaux: A prison theme? White people.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Clive, Liv, and Major exchange weapons in the Max Rager garage]
Olivia Moore: Let's rock and roll.
Clive Babineaux: Sorry, that's all the firepower I've got.
Major Lilywhite: [Major sees an axe on the wall] There's always 'In case of fire' power.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Blaine and Ravi arm themselves with weapons to save Peyton]
Blaine DeBeers: If I go out, it's going to be in a blaze of glory, not by friendly fire.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi talks serious with Blaine] So you know, I'm squad leader on my Call of Duty World League Challenge Division team. I know what I'm doing.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Rita gives Major the password to the Max Rager cells]
Gilda: Just punch in 876-5309. What can I say? Dad loves the '80s.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Mr. Boss holds up a toy train to his henchman]
Stacey Boss: Here it is, boys. The Great Northern Railway's premiere passenger train, the Empire Builder. When this baby's whistle blows, I might, too.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Major and Liv see Ravi going to bed with Peyton]
Major Lilywhite: I'm guessing we won't be needing this inflatable mattress.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Stacey Boss: We slit his throat. How in the hell could he still be alive?
Howard: Maybe it was a miracle or something?
Stacey Boss: A miracle? The only miracle is that I'm not asking Kenny to shoot you right now.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Vaughn Du Clark: Oh, cocktails! Perfect timing. Cellblock Mango, or Convicted Melon? Which would you prefer, Viv?
Vivian Stoll: Vian. I only drink liquor that comes out of a barrel. The way God intended.
Vaughn Du Clark: Double-fisted it is, then.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Liv, Clive and Major arrive to the dead Rob Thomas party]
Clive Babineaux: Looks like the party's over.
Major Lilywhite: Everyone's dead.
Olivia Moore: Or undead. Watch your backs.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Blaine DeBeers: I'm scouting around back to see if there's a better plan of attack.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You won't go in without me, right?
Blaine DeBeers: I'm considering using you for a human shield.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[Liv finds Rita in one of the Max Rager cells]
Gilda: Hey, roomie.
Olivia Moore: Well, if it isn't the poster child for poetic justice. Did someone have a lab accident?
Gilda: I'm gonna guess, based on that dismembered hand in your belt, that you weren't invited down here.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Clive Babineaux: I have to call this in. Even though I have no idea how any of this is going to get explained away.
Olivia Moore: Super Max. It created a violent chain reaction. Armed guards lost their heads and began firing on rampaging employees.
Clive Babineaux: You think that's really gonna fly?
Olivia Moore: You think 'zombie outbreak' has a better chance?

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[the squad leader of Fillmore-Graves walks in with his team]
Squad Leader: You. Identify yourself?
Clive Babineaux: [Clive holds up his badge] Seattle P.D. Who the hell are you?
Squad Leader: We're the people here to kick ass and take names.

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
[last lines]
Vivian Stoll: [Liv sees Vivian Stoll and a group of her Fillmore-Graves soldiers eating the brain of Rob Thomas on stage] Hungry? Come on out here. You ready for the new world order, Olivia Moore? Ready to do your part for your kind?
Olivia Moore: I don't know what...
Vivian Stoll: Someday soon, Seattle's gonna be the capital of the zombie homeland, and a lot of people aren't gonna wanna see that happen. So are you with us or against us?

  --  Salivation Army [2.19]
%
Clive Babineaux: I don't think I can roll with this. I mean, what if in the history of the Zombie Wars I'm the human who had a chance to say something, and I sat on my hands?
Ravi Chakrabarti: I mean, bright side, the writer of the history of the Zombie Wars will very likely be a zombie, and you'll be viewed as a hero.

  --  Heaven Just Got a Little Bit Smoother [3.01]
%
Olivia Moore: We said 0900.
Clive Babineaux: [Checks watch] It's nine right now.
Major Lilywhite: If you're early, you're on time, if you're on time, you're late.
Clive Babineaux: Just so I understand... If we can find you two some new non-soldier brains, you won't be like this?
Olivia Moore: Depends on the brains.
Major Lilywhite: If we ate the brains of a train conductor, for example, similar issue.

  --  Heaven Just Got a Little Bit Smoother [3.01]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Look at us! Working together to solve mysteries. We should get a van and a dog.

  --  Zombie Knows Best [3.02]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What's a "Fillmore-graves brain tube thing?"
Major Lilywhite: It's like a yogurt tube full of mashed-up brains. No personalities. No visions. I'm pretty psyched to try it.
Olivia Moore: No, no, no, no! If they wanna eat brain mash, let them eat brain mash. But in this house, we eat whole brains and we solve murders.

  --  Zombie Knows Best [3.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: [Major is trying to choose between brains] You should eat the daughter. Words I never thought I'd hear myself say.
Ravi Chakrabarti: The new normal.
Clive Babineaux: God, I hope not

  --  Zombie Knows Best [3.02]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Peyton left me a message saying she wants to talk.
Major Lilywhite: She wants to "talk"? What does that even mean?
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...Well, I'm fairly certain it means she wants to talk.
Major Lilywhite: Okay, is she the single most selfish person on the planet? She literally made you Eskimo brothers with Satan. She doesn't deserve face time with you.
Ravi Chakrabarti: She doesn't?
Major Lilywhite: She slept with Blaine, which, first of all, ew, and second of all, I can't even.

  --  Zombie Knows Best [3.02]
%
Wally Reid: Is that mustache real?
Clive Babineaux: No, I glued it to give myself more authority in situations like this.
Wally Reid: Well, you look like black Tony stark

  --  Zombie Knows Best [3.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: What happened to your arm?
Wally Reid: Fighting off the ladies. You know how it is.
[Gives him a look over]
Wally Reid: Or maybe you don't.

  --  Zombie Knows Best [3.02]
%
Olivia Moore: Should I be the first to point out that a cradle robber works at a nursery?

  --  Zombie Knows Best [3.02]
%
Major Lilywhite: There's never a chimp suffering from dementia around when you really need one.

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Don Everhart: I was thinking...
Angus DeBeers: I don't think you should start sentences that way anymore.

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Clive Babineaux: Zen Guru beaten to death with a Buddha statue, feels personal.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Or a tragic misunderstanding of "Open your Mind".

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Don Everhart: I was thinking a pinball machine next to the crapper.
Angus DeBeers: We need a name, one that would assure customers they would never encounter pinball or the word "Crapper".

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Peyton Charles: You're supposed to be dead.
Angus McDonough: And lo, the stone was rolled away from the tomb.
Peyton Charles: Blaine, um... This man is your father.
Blaine DeBeers: Well, I'm starting to see the problem with the will.

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Officer Harris: I just got a report from a woman about a pimp yelling at a hooker in a car.
Clive Babineaux: Meaning us?
Olivia Moore: You have been snippy with me.

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Justin: Know what all those guys did before they were zombie mercenaries?
Major Lilywhite: I don't know, Justin. Play villains in '80s movies?

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Don E: What about our customers who aren't crazy rich? 'Cause I've got to say, having Dino here whack a guy every time you want lunch is super one-percent.

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Major Lilywhite: How long do I have?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Weeks. Maybe. Then you'll have to take the cure, memory loss and all.
Olivia Moore: [On Zen brain] Identity's just a hallucination of the unenlightened mind anyway.

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Ladybird: Topher was a powerful mindfulness teacher. Everyone loved him.
Clive Babineaux: Doesn't seem like everyone loved him. Did he have any exes? Angry clients?
Ladybird: Topher said he only had one enemy. The inability to accept the gift of change.
Clive Babineaux: ...Got it.

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Olivia Moore: You know, you'd be calmer if you lived in the moment.
Clive Babineaux: I am. This moment is about finding a witness to help solve a case.
Olivia Moore: The lightness and clarity of mindfulness will help us solve the case.
Clive Babineaux: Yeah, when? You haven't had any visions. Name one thing this brain's done to help catch the killer.
Olivia Moore: Can we get over this fixation of who did what, when?
Clive Babineaux: It's a murder investigation!

  --  Eat, Pray, Liv [3.03]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: You know the old saying, "A watched pot never boils," until its contents reach a temperature at which the vapour pressure of the liquid is equal to the pressure exerted on the liquid by the surrounding atmosphere.

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What's up with you? You look like the zombie who ate the canaries brain.

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: The loveliest trick of the devil is to persuade you he doesn't exist.

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I hate sex slavery as much as anyone, but I don't feel like going out in public at the moment.
Major Lilywhite: Ravi, it's a stakeout, all right? We'll hunker down in my car. You don't even have to wear pants.
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...Why not?

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Olivia Moore: There are, like, 80 movies here. How long did you work in the porn business?
Rhonda Diaz: Five months.

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Olivia Moore: We need to find a Rhonda Hardbody porno where she plays a private eye's sexy Italian client.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Why not? I've got nothing better to do.
Olivia Moore: [Passes over a list] It's one of the movies on this list. Focus on the crime thrillers.
Ravi Chakrabarti: So, ignore remakes of classics, such as The Magnificent Seven-Way, Bone-hur... No doubt part of the criterion hard-core collection.

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Major Lilywhite: I figure Natalie's in a second location which Mr. Oates is gonna lead us to. All we have to do is affix this GPS tracking device to his car.
Ravi Chakrabarti: The one parked behind those massive gates?
Major Lilywhite: Dude, don't pitch problems, all right? You're the brainy sidekick.

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Olivia Moore: Rough night, playa?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Please keep your rebuke to a dull roar.
Olivia Moore: I'll let god be your judge.
[pause]
Olivia Moore: But let's review the facts, shall we? First, you tell Peyton that you're in love with her, leaving her confused and speechless, and then you take home your old boss for a drunken hate-bonk. And when Peyton shows up to say that she's ready to take a chance on Pavi or Rayton or whatever it is that you two would call yourselves, you kiss her, while your latest conquest is in the next room. Not good.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I know.
Olivia Moore: Also, I believe god is a woman, so, you're really screwed.

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What's this Osborne Oates do anyway?
Major Lilywhite: He's in the diamond biz.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Ah. A Bond villain.

  --  Wag the Tongue Slowly [3.04]
%
Brandt Stone: Are there any other questions you'd like me to expertly evade?

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Clive Babineaux: Sweet sassy malassy!

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Johnny Frost: Frankly, I resent being questioned every time a hooker or stripper or dominatrix gets killed in this town. Why don't you ever bug me when somebody murders a plumber?
Clive Babineaux: You hang out with a lot of plumbers?

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Clive Babineaux: There's Baracus.
Olivia Moore: A regular man of the people when he's not spread-eagled on a bondage bed wearing a gimp suit.
Clive Babineaux: ...Thanks for planting that image in my mind.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Brandt Stone: My client has information in the Roxanne Greer case, but we have a conundrum. Relaying what he knows may or may not indicate that he violated the law.
Clive Babineaux: Well, he either broke the law or he didn't. Which is it?
Brandt Stone: It's both. And it's neither.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: The memory loss won't be instant. It'll feel like a slow fade. With Blaine, it took a couple of days.
Major Lilywhite: Got it.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You know, I had this whole speech planned. It was funny and heartfelt, profound. But it feels like a waste if you're just gonna forget it anyway. Let's just agree it was brilliant.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Johnny Frost: I thought I could make the whole thing go away by paying the money.
Olivia Moore: Only an idiot would trust a blackmailer to destroy the footage. Say it out loud. "I'm an idiot".
Brandt Stone: Detective, can you tell your partner to stop verbally abusing my client?
Olivia Moore: Tell your client to stop asking for it.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Olivia Moore: She was a dominatrix, Ravi. A dominatrix who went by the name "Sweet Lady Pain".
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, that? You're already a bit on the bossy side, I doubt anyone would even notice.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Justin: You okay, man?
Major Lilywhite: Yeah, just a flesh wound... Thirty-five flesh wounds.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Clive Babineaux: Silverware? People ate in here?
Olivia Moore: Big whoop. Half my meals are consumed in a morgue.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Johnny Frost: Look, hookers, strippers, yeah but a dominatrix? I'm a married man Detective, I already give way too much of my money to a woman who abuses me.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Major Lilywhite: Once I'm new me, keep reminding me of what we meant to each other?
[sighs]
Major Lilywhite: And give me a new name. One that's less silly.
Olivia Moore: Gern Blanston.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Clive Babineaux: This is where you end up when your parents don't tell you they love you.
Olivia Moore: Don't be so close-minded. A control freak like you could enjoy being told what to do for a change.
Clive Babineaux: Whips, chains... Unlikely.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Clive Babineaux: Why the school desk?
Olivia Moore: Do you have any fantasy life at all?

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Olivia Moore: [Clive and Ravi are trying to convince her to eat the brain Ravi has been experimenting on] I'm not putting that in my mouth.
Ravi Chakrabarti: The memory restoration serum had no effect on Blaine.
Olivia Moore: Blaine's human, I'm not. But that's not my problem.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's the color, right? Blue isn't appetizing.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Justin: If we make it out of here, I'm transferring to accounting.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Vivian Stoll: I saw the carnage at the Super Max party firsthand. People losing their minds, attacking their friends...
Harley Johns: The zombie outbreak.
Vivian Stoll: We're thinking a freak virus that caused the infected to crave brains.
Harley Johns: You're just using different words to say the same thing.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Olivia Moore: Suspect number six. Dimple chin, high cheekbones, barbells in each of his nipples.
Jimmy: This is kind of a "from the neck up" situation.
Olivia Moore: [Mildly threatening] Draw the nipples, Jimmy.

  --  Spanking the Zombie [3.05]
%
Major Lilywhite: If Major as we know him is gonna vanish soon, he should really make some proper goodbyes to the important people in his life. Leave something behind to remember good old Major.
Olivia Moore: Is good old Major planning on new Major being a real dick?
Major Lilywhite: If only to make people appreciate good old Major. The guy was a sweetheart.
Olivia Moore: I'm cool with that. As long as he doesn't speak in the third person like good old Major used to.
Major Lilywhite: Yeah, good old Major was pretentious in that way.

  --  Some Like It Hot Mess [3.06]
%
Don E: [about Blaine] Once, I heard him in his office, on the phone. He said, "Relax, man, you sound like John."
[Ravi stares blankly]
Don E: John was this guy we used to know. He worried a lot. He got murdered a year ago. How can Blaine remember John if he has no memory?
Ravi Chakrabarti: There's lots of people named John. I mean, I know at least three.
Don E: Clearly we run in different circles,

  --  Some Like It Hot Mess [3.06]
%
Olivia Moore: First thing I do when I'm human? Geez, I don't even know.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Don't say ice cream, I had to watch Major slobber up gallons of it and it ruined ice cream.

  --  Some Like It Hot Mess [3.06]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: A few weeks ago, I gave a syringe to Major, just in case. He never used it. He's still got one dose.
Olivia Moore: So, we just wait for Major to get back?
Ravi Chakrabarti: It'll give you time to think of something better than ice cream. A figgy pudding, perhaps. Oh! Or a Sherry trifle. A good flummery... .

  --  Some Like It Hot Mess [3.06]
%
Major Lilywhite: Nachos, gaming. We talk girls, it'll be like old times.
Ravi Chakrabarti: So, Liv?
Major Lilywhite: Yeah. There's still something there, you know? But I'm human again, so we're back to square one. Or two. Or I've lost count of the squares. And stuff with Peyton?
Ravi Chakrabarti: She made her choice with Blaine, I probably drove her into his arms. I left a lengthy apology on her voice-mail.
Major Lilywhite: How'd she respond?
Ravi Chakrabarti: She didn't.
Major Lilywhite: I remember girl talk being more fun.

  --  Some Like It Hot Mess [3.06]
%
Don E: I've got a client at my nightclub. Trust fund kid. Loaded. Zombie life doesn't agree with him and he's down. Moaning how he wishes he had a cure...
Ravi Chakrabarti: Okay, I see. My answer is still...
Don E: For one dose, he's offering $100,000. We can split, 50-50. 50k, that buys a lot of...
[Looks at Ravi]
Don E: Sweaters, or whatever it is you're into.

  --  Some Like It Hot Mess [3.06]
%
Olivia Moore: She DJ'ed at ice ship? Hashtag, my kind of cool bitch.
Joel: I told you, she was so talented. She could've been a star if she hadn't been murdered.
Olivia Moore: It so sucks when that happens.

  --  Some Like It Hot Mess [3.06]
%
Don E: You don't look happy to see me.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I prefer non-alive guests here to remain quietly on their shelves.

  --  Some Like It Hot Mess [3.06]
%
Clive Babineaux: What can you tell me about STD 36?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Nothing. But only because STD number one taught me some hard lessons.

  --  Dirt Nap Time [3.07]
%
Major Lilywhite: [Liv wants to go to Don E's zombie bar] The place is full of rowdy, boozed-up, horny zombies. And frankly, you're not at peak bad-ass on preschool teacher brain. You see the potential in everyone.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You told me I could be an astronaut if I studied hard enough.
Major Lilywhite: Me, too! We don't all want to be astronauts, Liv.
Olivia Moore: The point is, you could be. Or firemen. Or the president!

  --  Dirt Nap Time [3.07]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Et tu, Candy?

  --  Dirt Nap Time [3.07]
%
Harley Johns: Do I know you from somewhere?
Olivia Moore: I get that a lot. Don't I get that a lot?
Ravi Chakrabarti: She gets that a lot.
Olivia Moore: There's this girl on one of those shows on TV and everyone says i look like her. What's it called?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, yes. It's got a dumb name.

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Don E: Check it out! We got regulars. We're the kinda place where...
[sings]
Don E: Where everybody knows your name!
[Normal]
Don E: Actually, I don't know their names. I think it's like private corporal something,

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Olivia Moore: Did she promote you? Do we get to start calling you Major... Major?

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Bruise: Why you gotta ask so many questions, man?
Clive Babineaux: It's an interrogation. That's kind of the point.

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Olivia Moore: I've been on zombie dates before where the gentleman zombie and I weren't rocking the same brain. I was a pathological liar, he was a hypochondriac. He was gay, I was a nympho. So, how about we hop on the same brain train?
[Passes a spoon of Brain Chili]
Justin: Mmm... this spoon-feeding thing makes me think you ate my mom's brain. That'd make for an uncomfortable night.

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Angus McDonough: Fillmore-Graves? The fortune 500 pmc with ties to multinational affairs has zombies in its ranks?
Don E: Word is they're all zombies.
Angus McDonough: You don't say.
Don E: Are you having a vision?
Angus McDonough: Oh, I've got a vision, all right. I've seen the future. And the future is brains.
Don E: Did you eat Steve Jobs' brain? 'Cause you are straight up power trippin' right now.

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Olivia Moore: A zombie crashing a zombie haters club meeting. It's like the coolest dare imaginable. We could even do accents. You be American and I'll be Brit!
[Puts on a terrible cockney accent]
Olivia Moore: Mind the gap, you dumb squib! I cocked up that giddy kipper. Now I'm all collywobbles.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Terrible American accent] And I only speak one language and I wear white socks! USA! USA!
Olivia Moore: I think we need to practice.

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Rudy Bachman: You're asking me who would've wanted Finn dead? You've seen the show. Finn pissed off a lot of people, But everyone who worked on the show loved him. He was a genius.
Clive Babineaux: We're still talking about the guy who jumped through a fire ring in a hay suit?

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Tanner: Tupac's most definitely a zombie. Dude gets capped, but he's still releasing songs.
Don E: You know who I'd bet is a zombie? Christina Ricci. She gives off a real zombie vibe.

  --  Eat a Knievel [3.08]
%
Olivia Moore: And who might this hirsute stranger be? Introduce yourself.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I am Mosco Bandywax of the Mirkwood Bandywaxes. I'm a Halfling monk.
Olivia Moore: And you, good sir?
Major Lilywhite: I am Sir Jay Esclaborne, the human paladin.
Olivia Moore: I don't remember your character earning a knighthood.
Major Lilywhite: Oh, he's not a knight. His first name is: Sirjay.
Olivia Moore: ...Clever. I'll be watching you. And, you, madam?
Peyton Charles: Uh, Brangelina Darksbane. Dark elf assassin.
Olivia Moore: And who might this stout fellow be?
Clive Babineaux: Earl. Dwarf fighter.

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Peyton Charles: So, we can go and find Castle What's-His-Nuts, fight that thing, come back and we'll get rewarded by this little old lady.
[Looks at Liv]
Peyton Charles: Or we could just tie up this little old lady, and take what we want now.
Olivia Moore: Georgie begins to mutter an incantation. Electricity fires from her hands and strikes Brangelina.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I try to dive in front of the lightning bolt. "Not on this day, Ms. Fogglebottom!"
Olivia Moore: The lightning bolt has already struck Brangelina. And Mosco lands on the ground in front of her, looking foolish.

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What brought you here?
Rachel Greenblatt: I'm a photographer. I want to shoot a zombie. I've already got a Nessie and a Sasquatch.

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Dungeons & Dragons. The granddaddy of all fantasy role-playing games.
Clive Babineaux: So, the victim has kids?
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...Adults play it, too.

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Vampire Steve: [about Zoe] I think we may yet be joined in holy union.
Olivia Moore: Good luck with that. She's polyandrous, and would only stay married until a male child is born. Plus, you'd need to find a unicorn to sacrifice.
Vampire Steve: You don't know. I could find a unicorn.
Clive Babineaux: ...I was talking about real life.

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Olivia Moore: Your story begins. Night falls on Astergrove. A hamlet on the frontier of the human kingdom of Oosterglovia. You have never seen each other before, but you find yourselves gathered in the study of Georgie Fogglebottom. Last wizard east of Gloomy Glen. You regard each other uncomfortably.
[the group just stares blankly]
Olivia Moore: You regard each other uncomfortably.
Clive Babineaux: Anyone know if Gloomy Glen is a person or a place?

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Major Lilywhite: Listen to this love letter. "When they make a Chaos Killer TV movie, I hope you watch it in he'll with your pal Ted Bundy".
Ravi Chakrabarti: Wait, you didn't actually kill anyone.
Major Lilywhite: Yeah, and the joke's on them. I'm not pals with Ted Bundy either.

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Clive Babineaux: Diego told us you did all this to get with Zoe.
Vampire Steve: I came to vampires of my own accord. It is but one of many interests I happen to share with Zoe.
Clive Babineaux: Name another.
Vampire Steve: Graphic novels. Especially those pertaining to vampires.

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Olivia Moore: You each start the campaign with this many gold pieces.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Rolls dice] Twenty-seven gold pieces.
Clive Babineaux: I buy a small farm, retire from adventuring.

  --  Twenty-Sided, Die [3.09]
%
Peyton Charles: Who's dead? Who are you talking to?
Olivia Moore: Drake.
Peyton Charles: Uh, Drake? Old boyfriend, Drake?
Olivia Moore: [Sarcastic] No, Drake the multi-platinum hip hop star.

  --  Return of the Dead Guy [3.10]
%
Peyton Charles: I'm interested in hearing more about these mutant powers. Did she know martial arts?
AJ: Damn right, she did. She was skilled.
Peyton Charles: As skilled as a ninja, perhaps?
AJ: Totally.
Peyton Charles: She's a mutant ninja. Did she have a round shell, hankering for pizza?

  --  Return of the Dead Guy [3.10]
%
Don E: Let me go, you inbred turds!
Bo Johns: He doesn't think we're Nazis anymore.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's progress.

  --  Return of the Dead Guy [3.10]
%
Stacey Boss: I shot you. I slit your throat. We buried you.
Blaine DeBeers: Mmm-hmm. And, yet, here I am.
Stacey Boss: How the hell are you still alive?
Blaine DeBeers: Well, I'm eating a human brain. So, that makes me a...
Stacey Boss: Cannibal?
Blaine DeBeers: Technically, I suppose, but that's not the answer I'm looking for. I'm eating a human brain, I'm indestructible, therefore, I am a...
Stacey Boss: A serial killer?

  --  Return of the Dead Guy [3.10]
%
Peyton Charles: How are things on the Justin front? I mean you're highly-critical. You broke up with a guy once because his o-face made you laugh.
Olivia Moore: If you had seen it, ugh!

  --  Return of the Dead Guy [3.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Trying to call for help] Be home, Liv. Okay. Two-one-three-five... Or maybe it's three-seven. Eight-six-seven-five... Oh, bloody hell!
Don E: You can't remember any numbers, huh? That's modern living for you.

  --  Return of the Dead Guy [3.10]
%
Olivia Moore: I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you, Peyton. Weckler killed Roxanne.
Peyton Charles: No!
Olivia Moore: Roxanne caught him as he was stealing the camera memory card. She was calling for help and he panicked and strangled her.
[Peyton looks upset]
Olivia Moore: You know, most prosecutors would be happy that the person they put away was actually guilty.
Peyton Charles: Yeah, but my desire to be right is even greater than my desire to win.

  --  Return of the Dead Guy [3.10]
%
Don E: Sergeant Hoyt Carroll! Serial number 58079086. You'll get nothing from me, you dirty krauts.
[the Truthers chuckle]
Don E: You weren't laughing after big week, were you, Fritz? Our mustangs blasting your stukas outta the sky!
Harley Johns: ...What the hell, Doc? Why is he acting like he's on Hogan's Heroes?
Ravi Chakrabarti: I have no idea.
Bo Johns: You think this thing's been around since World War? Maybe zombies live forever. Like vampires.

  --  Return of the Dead Guy [3.10]
%
Don E: Cruise's tan is way too even, and he's barely aged a day in 30 years.
Blaine DeBeers: Why do you think he does his own death-defying stunts? It's 'cause he's already dead.
Olivia Moore: I'll bet he doesn't eat the brain of anyone over the age of 25.
Clive Babineaux: So I should be thinking, "That's a raged-out zombie," next time I see Tom Cruise doing a chase sequence?

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Major Lilywhite: Remember Shawna, the girl who wrote me that sweet letter? The big Chaos Killer fan?
Ravi Chakrabarti: You didn't.
Major Lilywhite: Oh, but I did. Several times.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Ah...
Major Lilywhite: It's not just sex, though. I mean... No, I mean, it's mostly sex, but... She has a lot of other qualities, and I... I cannot wait to experience whatever those are as well.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm sure propriety and modesty are high on that list.

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Rachel Greenblatt: Your roommate is the Chaos Killer? I need to get out of here.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Um, um... Rachel!
[She runs out]
Major Lilywhite: ...Chaos *Kidnapper*, if you must know.

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Olivia Moore: This case is bigger than we thought. I'm thinking deep state. Shadow government.
Peyton Charles: Wait... The government's involved?
Olivia Moore: Well, not the "government" government, obviously. But the people behind the government, the Illuminati.
Peyton Charles: Liv... Whose brain have you eaten?
Olivia Moore: [Looks around nervously] Who wants to know?
Peyton Charles: I do. That's why I asked.

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Clive Babineaux: What was the vision?
Olivia Moore: It's news we already knew.
Don E: We're in Harley's truck, Liv's squeeze in our headlights, frothing at the mouth. He wants our brains, man! I yell, "Go! Go! Go!" Harley guns it in reverse. Her friend is chasing us down going like 60 miles an hour.
Blaine DeBeers: That's a slight exaggeration.
Don E: Dude, I was there!
Blaine DeBeers: We were all there.
Clive Babineaux: This was on YouTube for God's sake!

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Olivia Moore: [after finding Shawna's tumblr page] I don't want you to freak out, but I think Shawna's...
Major Lilywhite: Crazy?
Olivia Moore: --- A zombie hunter trained by the CDC. Getting close to you is step one of a nine-step plan. Step two...
Major Lilywhite: I'm going to stick with she's crazy,

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Don E: [All on conspiracy theorist brain] All those people that night on the street in Vegas, no one sees a shooter!
Blaine DeBeers: It's because he didn't get shot. Look at the cover of Don Killuminati. There's Tupac crucified, and in the liner notes it reads, and I quote, "Exit Tupac, enter Makaveli." He is alive and well, and will return like a new messiah.
Don E: That's insane.
Blaine DeBeers: Oh, so you think he's dead?
Don E: No, of course he's not dead. He's working for the Feds as an informant. He's mowing his lawn in Scottsdale.
Olivia Moore: Stop! You two sound crazy. Sad to say, but Tupac is dead and gone.
[pause]
Olivia Moore: Biggie Smalls' twin brother killed Tupac, and it's that twin that got shot in LA. Biggie, at this moment, is sipping mojitos in Havana...

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Olivia Moore: They're the same type of guns used in the Baracus shooting... And Wally's murder. I thought we should run ballistics to confirm.
Clive Babineaux: If Cavanaugh learns we have these, *he'll* go ballistic,

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Detective Cavanaugh: [Clive's gun guy is at the station] This guy says he sold you some concert tickets?
Clive Babineaux: Uh, yeah, that's right.
Detective Cavanaugh: Cool. Who are you gonna go see?
Clive Babineaux: ...Music.

  --  Conspiracy Weary [3.11]
%
Female Passenger: The man sitting next to me. He was very suspicious.
Ravi Chakrabarti: How so?
Female Passenger: Well, he was one of those, you know... Like you, and he had one of those whoosie-whatsits on his head.
Ravi Chakrabarti: A whoosie-whatsit?
Female Passenger: One of those Muslim thingamabobs. Like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard.
Ravi Chakrabarti: So, by whoosie-whatsit you mean Turban. By Muslim you mean Sikh. And by like me you mean brown.
Female Passenger: [Unabashed] Yes.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Wow.

  --  Looking for Mr. Goodbrain, Part 1 [3.12]
%
Olivia Moore: I'm Seattle's only identifiable zombie.
Peyton Charles: No, you're not identifiable. People look at you and all they see is gorgeous.
[Points to newspaper]
Peyton Charles: That looks like a picture of a monster.
Olivia Moore: You know that's still me, right?
Peyton Charles: Sorry..
Olivia Moore: I mean, it's not a great picture but... Monster?
Peyton Charles: [Backtracking] A cute monster.

  --  Looking for Mr. Goodbrain, Part 1 [3.12]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Clearly you're being distant. It's not my fault we brain-banged.
Olivia Moore: I'm just having a weird day, okay?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Most women can't help thinking about sex when they look at me. You'll get used to it.
[pause]
Ravi Chakrabarti: I have to ask. Did you see my...
Olivia Moore: I don't want to talk about it.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'll take that as a yes.

  --  Looking for Mr. Goodbrain, Part 1 [3.12]
%
Olivia Moore: What was she like? Anything weird?
Ravi Chakrabarti: You know, driven, direct, nothing weird. You've had worse.
Olivia Moore: That's your glowing endorsement? You slept with this woman.

  --  Looking for Mr. Goodbrain, Part 1 [3.12]
%
Olivia Moore: I can't find a body for this leg.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's like the most horrible jigsaw puzzle ever.

  --  Looking for Mr. Goodbrain, Part 2 [3.13]
%
Olivia Moore: I slept with Chase Graves. I was on Katty's brain. The woman wasn't choosey about her lovers.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Thanks.

  --  Looking for Mr. Goodbrain, Part 2 [3.13]
%
Clive Babineaux: I'm not gonna be able to sleep until I've got that vaccine coursing through my veins.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Hmm. Insomnia is actually one of the earliest symptoms of Aleutian flu.

  --  Looking for Mr. Goodbrain, Part 2 [3.13]
%
Clive Babineaux: Liv... Remain calm. You're going full-on zombie.
Olivia Moore: It's called beast mode.

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Clint Hicks: Why'd they have to chose Seattle? They should've taken their filthy virus to New England, and scratch some of those chowder-slurpin' sons-of-bitches, huh.

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Jordan Gladwell: So, Gretchen is saying stuff like, "Looking a little pale, Jordan. Do you wanna borrow some of my makeup, Jordan? Uh, is that a streak in your hair? It's so punk rock." And, I'll be honest, I was kind of dreaming of cracking her head open. But I wasn't sure there'd be a brain inside.

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Olivia Moore: [a red zed has been painted on their door] "Z." For "zebra." The referees read what I wrote on their NFL fan board, and this is their revenge.
Peyton Charles: Liv, it's for "zombie."

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Olivia Moore: I see it's your time of the month.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's obvious?
Olivia Moore: You're wearing that stocking cap indoors. Plus, zombies have this stench to them.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I've never noticed.
Olivia Moore: It's true. They smell. They're disgusting.

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Doc Greeley: I'm a Niners fan, okay? I... I have a sticker on my car, sure, but, like most of America, it's because I hate the Seahawks. I hate how cocky they are.
Olivia Moore: It ain't cocky if you can back it up.
Clive Babineaux: It's true. They're awful.

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Clive Babineaux: Why'd you lie to us?
Olivia Moore: He's a Niners fan, Clive. They do dumb things. They re-signed Blaine Gabbert, for God sakes.
Doc Greeley: Oh, I'm sorry, you want to talk "dumb"?
Olivia Moore: "Dumb," like running off Jim Harbaugh?
Doc Greeley: At least we would've known you run Marshawn Lynch against a gassed New England defensive line, when you have three downs to win the mother-freaking Super Bowl!

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Doc Greeley: Look, I'm being set up here.
Olivia Moore: Typical Niners fan. It's never your fault. "It's the ref's. It's the injuries."

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Clive Babineaux: Try to dial it down a bit, Liv. Let's not remind them that zombie cops eat their loved ones.
Olivia Moore: Zombies are the worst. Pale-ass, brain-eating bitches.

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Kelly Hicks: The last thing I heard was this guy keyed Clint's car. Wrote something that riled up my husband.
Clive Babineaux: You remember what it said?
Zorn Hicks: "Richard Sherman is an average cornerback."
Olivia Moore: WHAT?
Clive Babineaux: Liv...

  --  Are You Ready for Some Zombies? [4.01]
%
Clive Babineaux: Hello, I'm Detective Babineaux, homicide, and this is Liv Moore. You might remember her as the star of Murder, She Wrote.

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Major Lilywhite: What'd you see?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Were you losing your virginity to Howard Hughes?
Olivia Moore: I believe I'll be saving that information for my driver.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, Clive isn't your driv...
[Liv walks off]

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: I guess this is what they call "the good life"
Olivia Moore: With these knees, they better have an elevator in "the good life" or you're going to be carrying me up the stairs like a Sherpa.
Clive Babineaux: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: Did Mrs. Brinks have any enemies you know of?
Carlton Clerg: None that I can think of. Mrs. Brinks was well-loved.
Olivia Moore: [On Mrs Binks' brain] You club-foots be careful with that piano, comprende? You drop it, I'll bury you in it!
Clive Babineaux: ...No one?

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Mrs. Brinks' Chef: Mrs. Brinks wasn't afraid to tell you what she thought, but she had such a generous spirit. A big laugh, and such a way with words.
Olivia Moore: Raggle fraggle riggin frakety frack. Ugh!
Clive Babineaux: What are you doing?
Olivia Moore: Oh, just trying to warm up my rum toddy.
Clive Babineaux: You got into their rum?
Olivia Moore: Yeah! And I'm trying to warm it up in the microheater but I can never figure these gizmos out.

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Ernie: Why would anyone kill such a nice old lady? Every day at sunset, she used to walk the gardens and tell me how much she loved them.
Olivia Moore: I bet she didn't love these gladiolas. They are crap. Crapiolas!

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Major Lilywhite: These guys are smart. They know they can either leave on foot or in cuffs.
Tucker Fritz: What? Are you gonna "miracle" those cuffs on us? You and some girl? Yeah, I mean sure, you guys got guns but we got guns, too.
Al-Shabez: ...Theirs are bigger.

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: [to the chef] You programmed Mrs. Brinks' safe, because she wasn't good with that stuff, was she?
Olivia Moore: Who can blame her? All the stupid gadgets these days, beepin' and boppin' and boopin'.

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Olivia Moore: Get over here, you dirty little soldier boy, and let mama show you a trick I like to call the "Loni Anderson."
Major Lilywhite: Do I want to ask what brain you're on right now?

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Mrs. Brinks' Chef: He's only six. Mrs. Brinks would rather let him die than loan me 20 grand. She said it would set a bad precedent.
Olivia Moore: Well, it would.

  --  Blue Bloody [4.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: Liv, I know you're on a flighty romantic brain, but I need you to focus. You cannot see Allan outside of this case. I think he may be our guy.
Olivia Moore: But I'm 100% sure he's innocent.
Clive Babineaux: Based on what?
Olivia Moore: The fact that he may be my future soulmate!
Clive Babineaux: He may be a future inmate, Liv!

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 1 [4.03]
%
Olivia Moore: [Hoping to meet Allan at 'The Scratching Post', while she's under hopeless-romantic brain] I can't wait to see Allan and look deeply, sensually, into his eyes.
Tanner: Wanna open a tab?
Peyton Charles: Blaine let's us drink here for free.
Olivia Moore: I can feel it Peyton. The twirling forces of fate and destiny, burning inside me, tickling my loins...
Peyton Charles: Like bad sushi.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 1 [4.03]
%
Olivia Moore: Tim wrote his number on my hand last night, and it smeared off and now it's gone.
[Cries]
Olivia Moore: Tim. Tim!
Peyton Charles: Liv, I'm sure you can find another way to contact him.
Olivia Moore: How? I don't know his last name. I don't know where he works. All I know is he has these piercing emerald eyes and the smooth, velvety lips of a sex angel.
[sighs]
Olivia Moore: And that's not exactly something you can Google, is it?
Peyton Charles: Not if you don't wanna see stuff you can't unsee.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 1 [4.03]
%
Olivia Moore: There is no easy way to tell you this, but I've met someone and I think he may be the love of my life.
Major Lilywhite: [Exhales] ... I've had a very long day unsuccessfully tracking down an incriminating video. Plus we're in a fight, so... I'm gonna go make myself a burrito.
[Leaves]
Olivia Moore: He is so brave.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 1 [4.03]
%
Peyton Charles: Aren't you forgetting a certain four-letter word that starts with "F"?
Olivia Moore: Funk?
[Peyton shakes her head]
Olivia Moore: Fart?
[Peyton sighs]
Olivia Moore: I give up.
Peyton Charles: Fate.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 1 [4.03]
%
Olivia Moore: Do you think there's anywhere to honeymoon in Seattle that doesn't feel like, "Help, I'm trapped here forever"?
Peyton Charles: You've met him once, he's human, and he probably murdered his last girlfriend.
Olivia Moore: Nobody's perfect.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 1 [4.03]
%
Clive Babineaux: You might wanna make yourself a little snack.
Olivia Moore: It will be just a *little* snack, thank you very much. Because this---
[Holds up tiny brain bits]
Olivia Moore: ... Has to last me a week.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Don't you always say you wish you were on a diet?
Olivia Moore: I'm kidding. I'm mocking people who say that. That's how anti-diet I am. I have bits about my hatred of that lifestyle choice.
Ravi Chakrabarti: All right. You're hangry

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 1 [4.03]
%
Allan Fox: It's just not fair. Tomorrow was our month anniversary.
Olivia Moore: I understand. Most of my boyfriends have died in terrible ways too.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 1 [4.03]
%
Don E: I am a team player. After all, there is no "I" in billionaire.
[Smiles]
Don E: There's two.
Blaine DeBeers: There's three.
Don E: The third is silent.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Clive Babineaux: [Reading Liv's personal ad] "I wanna spend the rest of my life decomposing with you."
Olivia Moore: What? What? It's zombie romance.
Clive Babineaux,Ravi Chakrabarti: No.
Clive Babineaux: No, no, no, no. It's desperate.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's what someone would point to if you decapitated a stranger at the back of a bus and they were looking for warning signs.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Renegade's operating out of a laundromat.
Don E: Nice. Which one?
Blaine DeBeers: There's more than one? I don't know anything about laundromats, I'm rich.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Reading Liv's personal ad] "Liv from the Scratching Post." "Tim, my blue crew twinsie. You stole a kiss then stole my heart." Liv, you didn't. You did not post a Missed Connection...
Clive Babineaux: "I believe in feta?"
Olivia Moore: Fate! I was very hungry.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Don E: You have the zombie cures?
Blaine DeBeers: Uh-huh.
Don E: Oh, my God! We're gonna be billionaires!
Blaine DeBeers: No, no. *I* am a potential billionaire. You are a man who's desperate to prove his loyalty to me, so you can reap the benefits of my success.
Don E: That's fair.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Clive Babineaux: You don't even know his last name. Look. You wrote, "Mrs. Tim's wife."
Olivia Moore: Clive, what's even in a last name?
Clive Babineaux: Accountability.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Don E: I know plenty of zombies that would kill for your gig. I dunno, Blaine. Maybe we should give one of them a call.
Blaine DeBeers: Maybe. But then, of course, we have to trick them into working full-time without benefits. And we, never pay overtime, which even I feel bad about. So how about we just take the path of least resistance, and, Tanner, you learn how to lock the door.
Tanner: ...So I'm... underpaid?

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: So, I swear, I'm not making this up.
[Points to each of the three skulls]
Ravi Chakrabarti: Larry, Moe and Hurley.
[Liv and Clive stare at him]
Ravi Chakrabarti: Their names are Larry Nunn, Moreece Dubois and Doug Hurley. Larry, Moe and Hurley. That's insane.
Clive Babineaux: It'd be insane if the last one was Curley. Like the Stooges.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Olivia Moore: [after finding out Tim is a zombie-supremacist] Goodbye, Tim. I guess I didn't need to know your last name after all.
Tim: It's Timmerson.
Olivia Moore: Tim... Timmerson? No, thank you.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I just need to get into character.
[Puts on a posh accent]
Ravi Chakrabarti: The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain. The rain in Spain...
Olivia Moore: [Cockney] 'ello, Ravi. I'm a good girl, I am.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, I'm trying to channel Prince William and you sound like a garbage disposal with vocal fry.
Olivia Moore: I thought you were doing My Fair Lady, OG makeover movie.

  --  Brainless in Seattle, Part 2 [4.04]
%
Olivia Moore: [Watching video of Gordie Shultz] This is him?
Clive Babineaux: It's a highlight reel of sorts.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You're going to be a hockey player, Liv.
Olivia Moore: He's not a hockey player, he's a felon.
Clive Babineaux: He's a goon.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Happily] You're going to be a goon, Liv!

  --  Goon Struck [4.05]
%
Olivia Moore: You say Gordie was your friend, but you act like you don't care who killed him.
Levon Patch: Oh, I care. But this is New Seattle we live in.
Olivia Moore: Meaning?
Levon Patch: It's Chinatown.
Olivia Moore: Huh.
Levon Patch: That about it?
[Leaves]
Olivia Moore: Chinatown. What does that mean?
Clive Babineaux: It's like the movie.
[Continues]
Clive Babineaux: The line speaks to the futility of obtaining justice in an inherently corrupt system.
Olivia Moore: Oh! Huh. I still don't get it.
Clive Babineaux: [sighs] Goon brain.

  --  Goon Struck [4.05]
%
Enzo Lambert: [French accent] Ah, a hate crime. Most likely the work of the Dead Enders. The human was, how you say... "Dommage collateral".
Olivia Moore: That's not how I say it.

  --  Goon Struck [4.05]
%
Transit Union Rep: You know the union's position. First of all, they've got no proof that Mr. Harrison is a zombie.
Nurse Nancy: Of course he is! Look at him! Every day he becomes more belligerent. Last week he snapped at me!
Peyton Charles: With his teeth?
Nurse Nancy: ...No, for not having correct change.

  --  Goon Struck [4.05]
%
Sloane Mills: Do you still have some of that whiskey?
Don E: What? No. Even if I did, it'd be my whiskey, wouldn't it?
Sloane Mills: Please... I'd been partying hard all night when you grabbed me.
[Breathes heavily]
Sloane Mills: I have like, no serotonin in me.
Don E: What can I tell you? Make better life choices next time.
[sighs]

  --  Goon Struck [4.05]
%
Olivia Moore: Why didn't you let me drop that bender like a bag of feed?
Clive Babineaux: Because I don't know what that means.

  --  Goon Struck [4.05]
%
Major Lilywhite: I've got work, and Ravi can't be alone.
Peyton Charles: He can't?
Major Lilywhite: He already got into the medicine cabinet. I had to pry a bottle of cough syrup away from him. He *bit* me.
[Peyton stares]
Major Lilywhite: I think he stole my only other work uniform but won't tell me where he put it. He offered to...
[Air quotes]
Major Lilywhite: "Pleasure me" for my car keys. Yeah, I think he was kidding, but I'm only 60% sure.

  --  My Really Fair Lady [4.06]
%
Angus McDonough: The well gives shape to the water. The water gives life to the well. Like the bubble, I'm born to rise.
Angus' Followers: [Chanting] So we rise.
Don E: Yeah, that's not creepy.

  --  My Really Fair Lady [4.06]
%
Clive Babineaux: [Explaining the process of getting permission to date co-workers] You go to Diana, in HR, on the fifth floor. You tell her about...
Olivia Moore: [Starts singing] Go to Diana in HR / And tell her how you feel...
Clive Babineaux: ...She gives you a waiver for legal and an official declaration form.
Olivia Moore: [singing] Once you declare what's in your heart / It means your love is real

  --  My Really Fair Lady [4.06]
%
Nellie: [singing] How can I find out who I am / When there's always someone else inside my head? / To be or not to be / It don't apply to me /'Cause I'm already dead

  --  My Really Fair Lady [4.06]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Planning a spa trip] Oh, yeah, Swedish. Plenty of hot rocks. And have the peeler get in there, I want to be flayed alive. Thanks.
[Turns to Major]
Ravi Chakrabarti: Know what I'm doing tomorrow?
Major Lilywhite: Taking a super-weird trip to Ikea?

  --  My Really Fair Lady [4.06]
%
Nellie: [On the phone] Sir, the contract allows for, and I quote, "Minor artistically valid changes." That's all this is.
[Continues]
Nellie: I didn't even make changes. I made *a* change, one minor change. Everyone in the show who had the AIDS virus now has the zombie virus. That's it. And I would like to think an intelligent man would appreciate the metaphor.
[Yelling on the other end]
Nellie: Look, Bub. You're in New York. I'm in Seattle. There's a militarized border wall and 10,000 zombies between you and my stage. Good luck stopping me.

  --  My Really Fair Lady [4.06]
%
Stan: Who're you playing?
Olivia Moore: An amazing role, thank you for asking. She has many layers to her and a very difficult accent, because we challenge the audience when we challenge ourselves.

  --  My Really Fair Lady [4.06]
%
Olivia Moore: Gimme the line.
Baron: Get out of the truck!
Olivia Moore: Where's my second hijacker?
Stan: Ah...
[Looks at page]
Stan: "Do what we say..." "Do what we say and you won't get..."
Baron: "Get on your knees, fool!"
Olivia Moore: Baron is blowing you off the stage right now, Stan, and you're just letting it happen!
Stan: He's going off-script!

  --  My Really Fair Lady [4.06]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I need another minute for the toxicology report. Liv changed our filing system. The deceased are now arranged by hotness quotient.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: How does a zombie disappear from a walled city? If you scratched me right now, what's the first thing I'd do?
Olivia Moore: Take Bozzio to Bone Town.
Clive Babineaux: ...After that,

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Olivia Moore: All that sex talk made me horny. Mind telling Ravi that I left early to tap some ass?
Clive Babineaux: [Rolls eyes] Yeah. I'll get right on that.
[Writing note]
Clive Babineaux: "Tapping that ass."

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: Can you confirm whether you sent the deceased the following text?
[Reads]
Clive Babineaux: "I hope your eggplant emoji falls off, and you drown in a pool of your own poop emoji. I hate your pig-face emoji, you rooster emoji."

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Olivia Moore: You know, I could catch any D I want in this place?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Most of the guys in here are human.
Olivia Moore: They won't be when I'm making them brains for breakfast.
[Ravi gives her a look]
Olivia Moore: Just kidding. I'm not gonna let them stay for breakfast.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: [Going through victim's room] What the hell is a "Weener Kleener"?
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'll bet it gives you a cleaner weiner.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm taking you out tonight, Clive. I'm a phenomenal wingman.
Clive Babineaux: I hate going out. Mmm-mmm.
Peyton Charles: Oh, we know. It says so here in your list of "hates."
[Looks at his tinder profile]
Peyton Charles: You hate warm weather, and "This Is Us".
Clive Babineaux: Yeah, it's emotionally manipulative.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Olivia Moore: [watching Clive trying to pick up women] Oh, code red. The herd has arrived.
[Clive shows the woman his phone]
Olivia Moore: That better be a photo of his penis.
Ravi Chakrabarti: And it looks like she's crying.
Olivia Moore: Okay, it probably is his penis.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Amanda Lewis: You guys think I did this? No one kills a guy that gives her multiple orgasms.
Clive Babineaux: I'm not sure that defense will hold up in court.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Clive should be himself, only fun and less tightly-wound.
[Clive stares grumpily]
Ravi Chakrabarti: Clive should be another person. A better person.
Clive Babineaux: Just give me the hat, Liv.
[Puts on fedora, wanders off]
Ravi Chakrabarti: I was hoping for a Frosty the Snowman moment. And the instant we gave him the hat, he would become full of life. He'd have swagger. He'd be crackling with sexual magnetism.
Olivia Moore: What kind of perverse version of Frosty the Snowman did they show kids in England?

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Olivia Moore: I was in the neighborhood. I thought maybe we could talk more strategy? Save a few more lives?
Levon Patch: Is that before or after you texted me, "Down to duck"?

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Don E: You're the turncoat who got Blaine's dad out of the well. Blaine's pissed. You'll see when he gets back. Did you hear me?
Dino: Not interested.
Don E: Classic Dino! Sparkling conversationalist. I worked with a mute, and we had so much more fun.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Detective Cavanaugh: Hey, any idea why Liv Moore would text me "Down to duck" in the middle of the night? My wife was pissed, I had to sleep on the couch.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: Did they have mirrors in the bathroom?
Olivia Moore: Yes.
Clive Babineaux: So you saw what you looked like and didn't take off the hat?

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Pretty Lady #2: So, what's the craziest thing you've ever seen on the job?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, Clive. You gotta tell this one. You're the raconteur.
Clive Babineaux: Oh, um... Well, probably the middle-aged mom who was smashed by a falling AC unit. Brains and guts everywhere. Children walking by splattered with blood.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: What are you doing
Olivia Moore: I'm negging her, Clive.
Clive Babineaux: Nagging?
Olivia Moore: No, no, no. "Negging." I'm undermining her confidence so that she'll be more vulnerable.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Don E: Wanna know what I'm gonna do with you?
Dino: [Severed head] Not really.
Don E: I'm boxing you up and I'm mailing you to Gwyneth Paltrow. She'd think that's funny, right? She seems cool.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Chase Graves: Major is the new vice president of getting stuff done. Which means he outranks any of you because... Well, he gets stuff done.

  --  Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Brain [4.07]
%
Olivia Moore: Fear not my lord, for both my sword and my life are yours.
Clive Babineaux: You don't have a sword. Or a life, if we're being technical.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Stacey Boss: They're eating that guy's brains right out of his head. They didn't even kill him first.
Blaine DeBeers: I'm pretty sure he's dead.
Stacey Boss: His legs are moving.
Don E: I think that's a nervous system thing.
Blaine DeBeers: Now he's definitely dead.
Man: Oh, God, no...
Blaine DeBeers: Oop. No, wait.
[Man screams]
Blaine DeBeers: Okay, now.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Olivia Moore: If Sir Garrett did doth portray himself falsely a zombie whilst in battle with zombies, who, believing him kindred, fought without care, 'tis on Garrett's own shoulder the fault doth lay, does it not?
Clive Babineaux: That's what I was thinking, but in a less annoying way.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Don E: Stop requesting songs about tractors and cold beers. You're making everybody wish they were more dead.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Clive Babineaux: Stop calling me "My Luurd."
Olivia Moore: Yes, my liege.
[Clive makes a face]
Olivia Moore: Your Grace.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Time-travel murder! Perhaps the impaled knight stepped out of the TARDIS seconds before his death.
Clive Babineaux: What the hell's a TARDIS?
Olivia Moore: Something nerdy.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Olivia Moore: 'Tis with the proudest of hearts that I shall fulfill the third of my promises three.
Isobel Bloom: Oh, great. Quick question. Do all zombies talk like you or do you, like, actually work at a Ren Faire?

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Wearing Garrett's armor] I know this sounds like some kind of role-play come-on, um, but I literally can't figure out how to take this off.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Olivia Moore: Fear not! I have slain the rodent foul. No more will his pestilent droppings threaten the purity of our tools and provisions and our boxes of cardboard will forevermore go un-gnawed.
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...I think she killed the storage closet mouse.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Angus McDonough: [Sees his followers of zombies growling and chomping on their plates of brains on other tables at 'Romero's', whilst he is eating with Blaine] Enough! You are rushing through a sacrament. I want each of you to take one bite using a fork. For God has given us the tools we need, my friends. One bite.
[They listen and cut their plates of brain, then put a piece into their mouths]
Angus McDonough: There. Now, hold it in your mouth. And let the divine flavors linger on your tongue until your mouth fills with glory. Savor it. Savor it! Now swallow.
[Blaine looks surprised]
Angus McDonough: And repeat.
Blaine DeBeers: Swallowing on command.
[pauses]
Blaine DeBeers: That's a power that I should never be entrusted with.
[Smirks]

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Clive Babineaux: According to his parents, in his spare time, he did something called "larpering." The parents didn't know much about it, but it sounded in your wheelhouse, so...
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's actually called LARPing and it stands for "Live Action Role-Playing."
Clive Babineaux: So it's like a sex thing?
Ravi Chakrabarti: What? No.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Stacey Boss: We're gonna break him out and get my money back.
Blaine DeBeers: Out of a prison transport bus?
Stacey Boss: We'll go halfsies on the cash, of course.
Don E: Not thirdsies?

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Olivia Moore: Fillmore-Graves is The Borg.
Peyton Charles: I don't know what that means.
Olivia Moore: Keep dating Ravi, you will.

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Guinevere: It's not what you think.
Clive Babineaux: Well, that's good, Guinevere, because what I think is that your husband, King Arthur, murdered your lover, Lancelot.
Olivia Moore: You do know that when LARPing, you are free to change the endings?

  --  Chivalry Is Dead [4.08]
%
Blaine DeBeers: You remember when I was on that real-estate agent brain a couple weeks ago?
Don E: Yeah. You were asking me all those non-sequitur questions aimed at determining my annual income?

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: We're calling the prison bus murders "Satan's Jigsaw Puzzle".
Olivia Moore: We started with the face pieces and are working our way out.

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Detective Halpern: Don't waste your sympathy on these guys. They're the worst of the worst.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Who's that guy who put his victims' organs in jars?
Detective Halpern: Perry the Pickler.
Detective Schumacker: There's Ice Pick Rick, Zombie Killer Cain...

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Peyton Charles: [Reading a text from Ravi's phone] "Mosco Bandiwax fell to his death in the Cavern of Nasty Pricks." Does that mean anything to anyone?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Only to a little old halfling lady in Mirkwood who will have one less mince pie to bake during the Feast of Belbuck.

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Clive Babineaux: What can you tell us about our human victim?
Enzo Lambert: [Opens pad] The 206 Weekly says "Walden Schwartzman was a promising voice in the underground Seattle rap scene". He went by the name 'Dirty Reign'. It also says he was feuding with his identical twin brother, Weston. Better known as 'Lil Drizzle'.
[Closes pad]
Enzo Lambert: Okay. Have fun "getting jiggy with it".

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Major Lilywhite: [Catching Ravi playing D&D] So, you know, I'm out on the streets trying to catch a murderer.
Clive Babineaux: I catch a murderer every week.

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Blaine DeBeers: You don't want to know what I had to do to get this brain.
Don E: You want me to blue brain it? Or...
Blaine DeBeers: It's my $100,000 gift to you.
Don E: What? Did you get me Kid Rock?
Blaine DeBeers: No.
Don E: If you bought a brain for 100 grand and I'm the one eating it, there's no way it's gonna be anything good.

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Jordan Gladwell: Is that Lil' Bones Jones?
Major Lilywhite: You mean Major Jones.
Jordan Gladwell: Major Jones with a major booze Jones, Major Major.

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Weston 'Lil' Drizzle' Schwartzman: 'Sup, shawty? What is good?
Olivia Moore: On my grind, you know. Gettin' that schmoney.

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Olivia Moore: [Rapping] Comin' at you from the basement of the SPD / It's the E to the M to the C-E-E / ME's rolling up for an autopsy / Getting brain like a boss / Call me Queen Zombie

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Candy Baker: Did Blaine really tell the mayor he could have me on the house, and we'd go all night?
Don E: Yes. In fairness, the whole city is on lockdown. So, it's not as if you could leave anyway.
Candy Baker: So I may as well just stay here and spank Mayor Freakfest for eight hours?
[Waves at him with false nicety]
Candy Baker: Hi...
[Back To Don E]
Candy Baker: Is that what's happening?
Don E: Blaine always has a good reason for doing what he does.
[Stares at her breasts]
Don E: I usually just motorboat with it.

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Don E: You sprang for the optional Core i7 CPU?
Blaine DeBeers: Mmm-hmm.
Don E: Will you judge me if I happy cry?
Blaine DeBeers: Yes.

  --  Mac-Liv-Moore [4.09]
%
Isobel Bloom: I can't help noticing that you have all six seasons of Zombie High on a shelf in there.
Olivia Moore: Yeah.
Isobel Bloom: Is it any good?
Ravi Chakrabarti: *Is it any good?*
Olivia Moore: It's only the best Zom-Com-Rom-Dram on TV.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I went in thinking I wasn't going to like it.
Olivia Moore: He's a snob.
Ravi Chakrabarti: But there's always a great plot twist around the corner. I find the characters so winning.
Olivia Moore: So self-aware.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Exactly. They react to absurd situations almost exactly like we would.

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Gut shot. Three times. Detective Benedetto didn't just die he ---
[Dramatic voice]
Ravi Chakrabarti: Died hard.
Olivia Moore: Hmm. My expert medical opinion is that he...
[Dramatic voice]
Olivia Moore: Died hard, too.
[Normal voice]
Olivia Moore: And such beautiful weather today, would you say...
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yes. It was...
[Dramatic voice]
Ravi Chakrabarti: A good day to die hard.
Clive Babineaux: You two done?

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Isobel Bloom: I'm just thinking of all the stuff I'm gonna miss out on. You know, going to college. Winning a Nobel Prize. Falling in love. Having sex.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Let me stop you right there. sex? Totally overrated.
Isobel Bloom: Is that why you wait up until 2:00 a.m. for Peyton to come home? Because sex is "totally overrated"?
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...I wait up for the companionship.

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [after Isobel's date with a Zombie High actor] So how was it?
Isobel Bloom: Perfection.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, that's nice to...
Isobel Bloom: And I checked off a lot of stuff from my bucket list.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Suspicious] Like what?
Isobel Bloom: You know.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You're joking.
Isobel Bloom: Ravi. Of course, I am.
[Ravi sighs in relief]
Isobel Bloom: Or am I?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Are you?
Isobel Bloom: I am.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Good.
Isobel Bloom: Or am I?

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
AJ: You're a zombie. I get it. You were a zombie when we tussled. That's how you knew Kung Fu. And that's the only reason you beat me.
Olivia Moore: I might not know Kung Fu anymore, but I know Brooklyn.
[Holds up a fist]

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Clive Babineaux: Why're you chewing that nicotine gum?
Olivia Moore: I'm trying to quit.
Clive Babineaux: You don't smoke.
Olivia Moore: Then why am I dying for a ciggie?

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Don E: I stretched out my shirt. Whatever. With the money we're raking in, shirts mean nothing to me now. We could buy Shirt Island! We could pay scientists to genetically engineer a shirt-tree for us.

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Detective Lou Benedetto: It's been one week since my last confession. And I gotta be straight with you, I haven't demonstrated much personal growth since last we spoke. You know the weird sex stuff we talked about? Yeah, I'm having a tough time giving that up.

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Clive Babineaux: AJ and another Cobra member, Bi Li Xiong, AKA "Fleabag", helped Ghansu with a heist that netted a quarter-mil in jewels.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Fleabag? Do you think there was an isolated incident were the man had fleas, or did he always have them and everyone's just accepted it?
Olivia Moore: I assumed that he had a taste for cheap motels.

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Clive Babineaux: A.J.'s running toward the edge of the roof, and I see someone has laid down these planks over the alley, kind of a makeshift bridge to the next building. Know what I do?
Olivia Moore: You shoot the planks.
Clive Babineaux: Damn straight I do. I shoot the first one, BANG! But A.J. decides he's gonna try his luck with the remaining plank, and he takes his first step. Guess what I say?
Olivia Moore: "One more step, and it'll be planks for the memories?"
Clive Babineaux: Really? You think I'd say something like that?
Olivia Moore: I would.

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Isobel could be the key to creating a vaccine that could prevent every human on the planet from catching the zombie virus. As difficult as this is for her, it's the responsible thing to do. It's the adult thing to do.
Isobel Bloom: Ravi? My mom wants to speak to you.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Terrified] Oh, God. No, not me. Liv, you do it.
Olivia Moore: I believe taking that phone call is the adult thing to do.

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, no. It's the crap episode of Zombie High where it's clear, the show ran out of money, so everything cool happens off-screen and the characters just talk about it afterwards.

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv. Isobel told me she was sad that she was never going to have sex.
Olivia Moore: Wouldn't you be?

  --  Yipee Ki Brain, Motherscratcher! [4.10]
%
Clive Babineaux: Time to solve some murders. We're burnin' daylight.
[Sneezes]
Olivia Moore: Sounds like someone didn't get his flu shot.
Clive Babineaux: And maybe turn into a werewolf? No, thanks.

  --  Insane in the Germ Brain [4.11]
%
Major Lilywhite: [On Truth Serum brain] I've been pretending to be on your side the whole time, just playing Russ, gaining his trust, hoping he'd eventually bring me to you. Which he did, because he's not exactly Ivy League material. Like, maybe Brown, if he's got connections.

  --  Insane in the Germ Brain [4.11]
%
Don E: It's upload time. Right after we add some hashtags.
Crybaby Carl: Hashtag zombie, hashtag apocalypse.
Don E: Sure. I mean, we want people to see it. So...
[Types]
Don E: Hashtag lesbians, hashtag twins, hashtag badonkadonk, hashtag bodacious tatas.
[Carl looks at him coldly]
Crybaby Carl: It's disrespectful, Don E. Women with large breasts are born that way.
Don E: Yeah, some of them.

  --  Insane in the Germ Brain [4.11]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: You're going to DC?
Peyton Charles: Yeah, in a couple days. Did I forget to mention it?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah, you did. By the way, your voice goes up an entire octave when you're being sneaky.
Peyton Charles: [High pitched] I'm not being sneaky.
Ravi Chakrabarti: That's two octaves.

  --  Insane in the Germ Brain [4.11]
%
Ron: Real Lady was getting picked up by a big dude in a Cutlass. He sees your victim and he yells out, "It's not funny, you bleeping bleep. It's demeaning." Dead Guy gets in his car real quick. He did not wanna mess with Big Guy.
Clive Babineaux: Big Dude and Big Guy?
Ron: Same person.

  --  Insane in the Germ Brain [4.11]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Correct me if I'm wrong, Doc, but usually when a man's shirt is that open, someone's coming at his chest with crash pads.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I don't engage in hate speech, so I have no response for you.

  --  You've Got to Hide Your Liv Away [4.12]
%
Don E: [Ravi suddenly goes silent] Is he having a vision?
Clive Babineaux: I think he's staring at his reflection in the beer tap.

  --  You've Got to Hide Your Liv Away [4.12]
%
Clive Babineaux: McKenna probably saw who killed her. Liv should make this a quick one, where is she?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Funny... Funny story. She's been kidnapped.
Clive Babineaux: It's not that funny.
Ravi Chakrabarti: By Major. In a nice way.

  --  You've Got to Hide Your Liv Away [4.12]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I ate a brain tube as soon as that kid confessed to the murder, then deleted a couple of hundred photos from my Instagram account.
Clive Babineaux: Good call.

  --  You've Got to Hide Your Liv Away [4.12]
%
Angus McDonough: [On video] The cure, the cure for what exactly? For domination? For immortality? For basking in the warmth and the loving gaze of a vigilant god? She must be cleansed of this Earth.
Clive Babineaux: You notice anything?
Ravi Chakrabarti: That he somehow got 10,000 views even though he's super old.

  --  You've Got to Hide Your Liv Away [4.12]
%
Angus McDonough: Blessed is he with a white streak. You must visit our church and be baptized. For we who taste, can see.
[Looks at Clive]
Angus McDonough: You people wouldn't understand.
Ravi Chakrabarti: He did not just say that.

  --  You've Got to Hide Your Liv Away [4.12]
%
Chase Graves: What is this?
Hobbs: It appears to be a full-length documentary film about the exploits of our prisoner Renegade.
Paul Rudd: [Voice over on video] Liv Moore understood the stakes when she took over Seattle's largest human smuggling organization. She was there when her predecessor was executed. She resuscitated the organization when others believed Fillmore-Graves' attempt at intimidation had succeeded.
Chase Graves: Is that Paul Rudd narrating?
Hobbs: Yeah, sounds like it.
Chase Graves: Paul Rudd, he's a good get.

  --  And He Shall Be a Good Man [4.13]
%
Vampire Steve: Dearly beloved, we are here to get through this thing called personalized wedding vows.
Officer Harris: Boo.
Dale Bozzio: They're really short.
[Crowd cheers]
Dale Bozzio: I, Dallas Anne Bozzio, promise to care for Clive Babineaux only in health because we'll be zombies, so we won't get sick.
[Crowd laughes]
Dale Bozzio: And... though we can't have kids, I will attempt to bring magic and a sense of wonder into our marriage. And if you're still missing kids, I'll let you spank me from time to time.
[More laughter]
Vampire Steve: That's beautiful. Clive?
Clive Babineaux: I, Clive Babineaux, promise... to spank you only until I hear the safe word.
[Dale giggles]
Clive Babineaux: Though for the life of me, I can't remember us having a safe word. I promise to never make you feel sad that I'll have to eat brains... and that I won't be a father. This is my choice. I... want to be your husband more than some entitled Minecraft-playing brat's dad.

  --  And He Shall Be a Good Man [4.13]
%
Peyton Charles: If it doesn't work, they'll come after you.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah. Well...
Peyton Charles: I love you.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I know.
Peyton Charles: Oh, no, you didn't.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm kidding, I love you, too. I love you mucho... I... I love you mucho grande. I love you like gangbusters. To infinity and beyond... I was doing Han Solo, I thought it would be charming.
Peyton Charles: It was a little charming. I mean, I like the groveling afterwards better.

  --  And He Shall Be a Good Man [4.13]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I've got some good news for you. I can make you human.
Olivia Moore: Are you serious?
Ravi Chakrabarti: 100% serious... 80% certain it will work.

  --  And He Shall Be a Good Man [4.13]
%
Dale Bozzio: Maybe it's a sign. Maybe we should wait.
Clive Babineaux: Ravi's phone call is a sign?
Dale Bozzio: Yeah.
Clive Babineaux: Didn't we talk about this all night?
[Phone buzzes]
Clive Babineaux: Ravi, again.
Dale Bozzio: Waiting until marriage doesn't sound even a little bit sexy?
[Clive sighs, Dale's phone rings]
Dale Bozzio: Hello?
[Turns to Clive]
Dale Bozzio: It's God. He says we should wait.

  --  And He Shall Be a Good Man [4.13]
%
Peyton Charles: If they go through with this, they're gonna pay, Liv. I will make it my mission.
Olivia Moore: Then they should be very afraid. We always said we were gonna make big names for ourselves. I guess we should've been more specific.

  --  And He Shall Be a Good Man [4.13]
%
Peyton Charles: What's the first thing you wanna do once you're human?
Olivia Moore: Escape the city. Go somewhere where no one knows me. Never date, get fat.

  --  And He Shall Be a Good Man [4.13]
%
Enzo Lambert: Tell me the names of every conspirator of the Underground Railroad.
Olivia Moore: Mangez mon short.

  --  And He Shall Be a Good Man [4.13]
%
Blaine DeBeers: So who's here?
Don E: Think of all the people in the world you'd enjoy seeing.
[pause]
Don E: It's none of them.

  --  Thug Death [5.01]
%
Don E: Get this through your head. Blaine is King Kong and the rest of us are merely Skull Island natives. Don't ask why. Just go tell the girls that Twofer Tuesdays is a real thing decreed by the mighty Kong.
Candy: Remember, Don E, "'twas Beauty killed the Beast".
Don E: Yeah, well, there are worse ways to go.

  --  Thug Death [5.01]
%
Don E: Did you talk to those lawyers I texted you about?
Blaine DeBeers: Were they from the firm of Young & Willing?

  --  Thug Death [5.01]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Tastes a blood-looking substance at crime scene] It's corn syrup.
Olivia Moore: Nice work, Ravi.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Thank you.
Olivia Moore: ...You just ate 57 empty calories.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Clive Babineaux: [Liv's eye is twitching] You having a vision?
Olivia Moore: I'm Kegeling. Pelvic floor. Tragically overlooked muscle group.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Jimmy: [about his comedy troupe doing zombie sketches] We go all out, too, you know. Like white wigs, zombie makeup.
Clive Babineaux: So you paint your face and appropriate another culture?
Jimmy: Oh. Never thought about it that way.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Olivia Moore: A pint of ranch dressing is 2,200 calories. FYI.
Clive Babineaux: Good to know. Thanks.
Olivia Moore: It's just... I know you like ranch dressing.
Clive Babineaux: I usually manage to avoid having a pint in a sitting.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: We produce the episodes, we post them online. The episodes go viral.
Peyton Charles: Viral's good.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Right. Think about what Will & Grace did for gay people. Or what The Cosby Show did for...
Peyton Charles: Let's not use that example.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Peyton Charles: I'm exhausted. I just watched a barbershop quartet do Ebony and Ivory. Two of them in whiteface.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's just Peyton. She's just a little bit...
Olivia Moore: Underwhelmed in the sack?
Ravi Chakrabarti: What? Did she say something?
Olivia Moore: You're probably overdoing it. It's a common mistake for young men. It's simpler than you think. You know, four hours before sex, you just take an ice bath, eat three Brazil nuts...
Ravi Chakrabarti: Okay, thank you.
Olivia Moore: ...a spoon of fermented trout butter, and then, during the jam sesh, you just, sort of, soak. You know, think of it as a hot tub. Not a lap pool. And focus on the eyes.
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...I was gonna say she's a bit overwhelmed at work.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Major Lilywhite: My job is pretending to be RoboCop, but knowing the Buzzfeed Quiz explicitly told me I'm a C-3PO.
Olivia Moore: Well, I am on board for all your reforms, for what it's worth.
Major Lilywhite: And Ravi keeps reminding me that C-3PO's an Ewok god, so, I've got that going for me.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: So, I've got some weird news.
Olivia Moore: Oh, you and Peyton tried the soak-and-stare technique.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Uh, no.

  --  Dead Lift [5.02]
%
Ethereal Doula: The most important thing to remember is that the birth of a child is a sacred experience.
Dale Bozzio: [Clive is taking notes] Really? You need to write down "sacred"?
Clive Babineaux: She just said it was important!

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Dale Bozzio: [about Michelle] So, you slept with her, then broke up with her the next day, and asked me to marry you?
Clive Babineaux: Yeah. It sounds a lot faster when you say it like that.
Dale Bozzio: You mean, when I say it in the order in which it happened?

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Olivia Moore: This floor is made for batucadas.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Actually, it was made for draining blood and embalming fluid, but that twisty, spinning bit was delightful.

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Olivia Moore: Are you thinking what I am thinking?
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Stretching] Are you thinking about searing groin pain?

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Clive Babineaux: Was there anything strange about any other players? Something that might make people think of them as a freak of nature?
Coach: I heard one of the guys can milk himself.

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Watching Clive show off his salsa skills] This might be weird but I think Clive just got me pregnant.
Clive Babineaux: Let's not joke about that right now.

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Olivia Moore: Let the music take control. Let the rhythm move you.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Are you really quoting C+C Music Factory right now?

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Can you focus, please?
Olivia Moore: I am focused. I just don't understand why you can't spend five minutes with me without also trying to solve a murder!
Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv!
[Exhales]
Ravi Chakrabarti: You know how we finish...
Olivia Moore: Each other's sentences?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yes! And sometimes can even read each other's...
Olivia Moore: Texts!
[Ravi gives her a look]
Olivia Moore: Minds!
Ravi Chakrabarti: So what am I thinking right now?
Olivia Moore: You want to... Get the phone, solve the case, and eventually become dance partners.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Close enough.

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Dale Bozzio: Just wondering if you had any new information on my John Doe.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah. He was murdered.

  --  Five, Six, Seven, Ate! [5.03]
%
Clive Babineaux: You say you were Mr. Piercy's "Principal Life Enabler"? I'm unsure what that...
Nora Shaw: We reject traditional job titles here. It's a tech thing.
Clive Babineaux: But in traditional terms you'd be... ?
Nora Shaw: "Personal assistant."

  --  Dot Zom [5.04]
%
Olivia Moore: It's just, his expression was more like he demanded respect for an imagined authority.
Jimmy: Liv, I can't draw that, okay?

  --  Dot Zom [5.04]
%
Clive Babineaux: So, how's the brain?
Olivia Moore: Nothing specific so far.
Clive Babineaux: You'll let me know if you get an urge to disrupt anything or...
Olivia Moore: Which begs the question. Can the mind truly comprehend itself?
Clive Babineaux: Oh, man. So it's going to be like this.

  --  Dot Zom [5.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Messing with the mind, it feels kind of Frankenstein-y.
Olivia Moore: Horses disrupted feet. Trains disrupted the horse. Smart drugs will disrupt the mind itself. Imagine, Ravi. The new normal.
[Draws on white board]
Olivia Moore: Synthetically enhanced brains processing a massively expanded sensorium wired into a worldwide data net with cybernetically empowered superbodies.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Got it. The future will be obnoxious.

  --  Dot Zom [5.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm not mad. In an apocalypse, it'd give me solace knowing you're safe in Cornell's bunker. While I battle motorcycle cannibals.

  --  Dot Zom [5.04]
%
Olivia Moore: Logic dictates, if you withhold data, you have reason to hide it. "
Ravi Chakrabarti: Data," what... You mean her statement?
Olivia Moore: It's all data, Ravi,
[Thinks]
Olivia Moore: I mean, you could design a system, you'd have a mechanism to gather crime data. Physical evidence, testimony, relationships, motive. A smart algorithm analyzes. And voila.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Congratulations. You just invented the police.

  --  Dot Zom [5.04]
%
Clive Babineaux: You're in "nootropics"?
Dalton: "Smart drugs," if you will. Cutting-edge pharmacology for brain enhancement, increased energy and executive function.
[In slogan-y voice]
Dalton: The bio-engineered mind, the next step in human evolution.
[Continues]
Dalton: You know, I'm surprised you guys don't do it. I bet you the criminals do.

  --  Dot Zom [5.04]
%
Clive Babineaux: Were you aware of something called "Project Z"?
Dalton: What, the bunker thing? Wild, huh? The guy was a visionary.
Clive Babineaux: You know, he kept a list of who he intended to let in.
Dalton: Was I on it?
Clive Babineaux: No.
Dalton: Ah, well, guess we'll be Mad Max-ing it out here together then, huh?

  --  Dot Zom [5.04]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What's that look?
Olivia Moore: I'm hatching a scheme.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm not in the mood, Liv.
Olivia Moore: I didn't ask, 'cause guess what? I know how to heal your chakra, Barti. 'We're gonna solve the case.
Ravi Chakrabarti: First of all, there'll be no further wordplay with my name.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Olivia Moore: Did I mean for Steve to get shot? Of course not. Could the plan have gone better? Sure. But ask yourself... Could it also have gone worse?
Clive Babineaux: Yes, that's the point!

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Olivia Moore: Clive's out this week with his back. And you know what that means?
Ravi Chakrabarti: That this is Cavanaugh's case?
Olivia Moore: It means we can do whatever we want. Like police harass the crap out of Blaine. We can get a warrant for his big, fancy house. We can ransack it.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Can I be the guy that takes a knife and rips into his couch cushions?

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Olivia Moore: The only way the killer gets in is through that door. I'm a zombie, and Ravi is heavily-armed.
Ravi Chakrabarti: With... With this.
[Pulls out gun]
Ravi Chakrabarti: Which I've never used before.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Al Bronson of Bluster magazine. Met Liv and Ravi. From the Seattle P.D. They just popped by to see if I committed a murder. We do this every few months.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Of course I don't seem upset. I abhorred that kid. Doesn't mean I killed him.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, it doesn't mean you didn't, either.
Blaine DeBeers: Now, wait a minute. From a strictly rhetorical standpoint, I believe you're correct. He's good.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Olivia Moore: Have you got some information for us?
Vampire Steve: "I want to touch your monkey."
Olivia Moore: Bold, direct, and a little confusing. I was hoping for something more along the lines of Harris' password.
Vampire Steve: That is Harris' password. For everything. All one word, lower-case.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Clive Babineaux: So anyone this rich, you've gotta assume money's a motive.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Clive. You may have a fractured vertebra. You can't keep detective-ing through a broken back. You're not Batman.
Clive Babineaux: You don't know that.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Harris: Dude, you're killing me, Hamm-bone. You know this is a party, right?
Hamm: You know I hate your punny little nicknames, right?
Harris: Do you find them too... Hamm-fisted?

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What if it's Blaine?
Olivia Moore: Huh?
Ravi Chakrabarti: What if it's not a teenager or a middle-aged man? What if Blaine and his goons walk through the door? Trained killers.
Olivia Moore: I'd forgotten about Blaine.
[Quickly]
Olivia Moore: It's probably not Blaine.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I can't even prevent a bunch of dying kids from being hunted like dogs. I'll be in my office beating myself up mentally and emotionally.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Olivia Moore: Buck up, buttercup. You're bumming these kids out.
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...We're at a memorial.

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Al Bronson: Tell me more about Blaine and Peyton Charles.
Don E: Well, they... Hey, aren't you supposed to be having sex at Blaine's? I mean, dinner?

  --  Death Moves Pretty Fast [5.05]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Let's face it... we've all got a little monster in us.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Blaine DeBeers: You make these charges disappear and get me out of here, and I'll have brain operations back up in a day. Because I can't take it. The rec room TV is just repeating the edited-for-television version of Snakes on a Plane.
Major Lillywhite: You're toxic. If I let you out, people will riot in the streets.
Blaine DeBeers: Well, I guess we're all screwed, monkey fighter.
[Major gives him a look]
Blaine DeBeers: You see? Samuel I. Jackson just doesn't work edited for TV.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Don E: It's private. You got the TV... The couch... I spent some pretty good times down here.
Blaine DeBeers: I'm sure you did.
Don E: Where you are right now, me and Pam Haggler watched the One Tree Hill premiere And I lost my V-...
Blaine DeBeers: Ah, if you continue, the scream I utter will shatter the universe.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Have you seen Lieutenant Bozzio lately?
Don E: Yeah, I do my best to steer clear. She scares me a little.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Candy: You know what my idea for a zombie brothel name would be?
Don E: Hmm?
Candy: Cold Cocks.
Don E: [Not getting it] Why, because of all the fights?

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Stacey Boss: Of all the things I miss about the first world, high quality bourbon isn't the least.
Don E: We're still considered the first world?

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Dale Bozzio: So, what's it like being the most hated man in Seattle?
Blaine DeBeers: I don't know. I haven't talked to A-Rod in a while.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Brandt Stone: Fun fact. No one in the history of the criminal justice system has ever gotten off as a result of a witticism.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Don E: The matchmaker. She was murdered?
Olivia Moore: Can you believe it? She's trying to make people happy, ends up thrown off a balcony.
Clive Babineaux: Did you meet Mrs. Barbera?
Don E: I poured her a drink. She told me that she had my perfect match.
[Gasps, points at Liv]
Don E: You're in her brain! Please tell me you remember the name. When... When she told me, I dropped a glass.
[Throws a glass on the ground]
Don E: Come on. Have a vision.
[Drops another]
Don E: Nothing? Come on!

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Clive Babineaux: So, check it out. That red button found at the scene... Not hers.
Olivia Moore: Not hers? Interesting.
Blaine DeBeers: [Voice-over] No, it's not. We all know the drill. You eat the brain. Find clues. Blah, blah, blah. Case closed. But this isn't her story. It's mine.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Olivia Moore: Look at you... Right at home. Born to be Lieutenant.
[Taps nameplate]
Olivia Moore: Babineaux.
Clive Babineaux: You need anything else, Liv?
Olivia Moore: Mmm. A raise wouldn't hurt.
Clive Babineaux: No.
Olivia Moore: Can I have a gun?
Clive Babineaux: No.
Olivia Moore: Ooh, how about a squad car?
Clive Babineaux: No.
Olivia Moore: Diplomatic immunity?
Clive Babineaux: No.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Brandt Stone: I have good news and bad news.
Blaine DeBeers: Good news. I could use some good news.
Brandt Stone: I'll start with the bad news.

  --  The Scratchmaker [5.06]
%
Laila: Wow! Someone is happy ugly crying in her office right now.
Ravi Chakrabarti: How do you think she'll feel when you show up in person on Tuesday?
Laila: A brick will dislodge in her colon.
Ravi Chakrabarti: That's a bit - a vivid image.
Laila: Yeah, it's not gonna be pretty.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: Jake was just telling me how he used to be the head chef at Le Dome before contracting the zombie virus.
Jake: It's hard to prepare gourmet meals when your taste buds are shot.
Olivia Moore: Beethoven was deaf. Suck it up.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Waiter: That's not the only brain in the ocean - or on our list.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: Knocked out by meat? I mean, is that even possible?
Olivia Moore: If it was frozen, it would be like swinging a club.
Clive Babineaux: Ravi did say the murder weapon was French-bread sized. I mean, do we DNA test the pork?
Herbert Cassal: Actually, the pork loin was served.
Olivia Moore: With warm beet salad?
[scoffs]
Olivia Moore: Were fries extra? Did they come served in a box with a prize?

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: You're not being upfront with us here, Herbert. About being the last to see her. About the tenure of your conversation. Why is that?
Herbert Cassal: Oh, I suppose I thought those details might make me seem guilty.
Clive Babineaux: Lying definitely makes you seem guilty.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Herbert Cassal: The morning I found Chef, I get there. And there's a pork loin and duck thawing on the counter, with cabbage and warm beet salad.
Olivia Moore: [Scoffs] Ugh!

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Olivia Moore: [Drinking a cup from a "Tasty coffee" machine] You lie!

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Saul Manero: Who didn't fantasize about offing that lady? Total nightmare.
Clive Babineaux: So did you fantasize about...
Saul Manero: Oh, yeah. Not like that though. More, uh, a machete thing.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: She was conked in the head, then wrapped up. Sometime around 1:00 a.m.
Clive Babineaux: Conked with what?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Based on the bruise, something about the width of a French bread.
Clive Babineaux: We don't need to have a motif here.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You asked.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: So, I searched the AKA database for that utopian chemist Major told us about from the surveillance tape.
Olivia Moore: Beanpole Bob?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Not a single hit. Several variations of Mike the Pole, Joe the Pole, so-and-so the pole, all miscreants of Polish descent. Ooh, one Beanpole Jim, and a cat burglar who perished in an AC duct. Zero Beanpole Bobs.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, please don't be a grosser than normal death that ruins my memory of the most incredible romantic meal of my life.
Olivia Moore: You brought Peyton to Le Dome? On your salary?
Ravi Chakrabarti: So worth dropping premium cable.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Olivia Moore: She must've been an amazing chef.
Saul Manero: A genius, but also a monster. It happens, you know. Edison electrocuted puppies.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Charlie just asked for help getting her sister Laila a message?
Laila: And yet, she's the smart one. The one that doesn't realize saying "twin" is the same as saying "sister," but with more information.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Unless the twin is a brother.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Clive Babineaux: The man's having a bad day. Let's go make it worse.

  --  Filleted to Rest [5.07]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Cars can be possessed. Herbie for example.
Olivia Moore: Herbie wasn't possessed. You're thinking of Christine.
[Emotional]
Olivia Moore: Herbie wasn't evil, he was the Love Bug.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Olivia Moore: You were in Vice. How many people who've been heavily addicted for 30 years turn themselves around?
Clive Babineaux: Hmm, I know it happens.
Olivia Moore: That's good.
Clive Babineaux: ...I've never seen it, though.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I sold 60 raffle tickets.
Olivia Moore: Sixty? We only got 50.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I sold 10 of yours too, which makes me current sales leader.
Olivia Moore: I haven't started, you cheated.
Ravi Chakrabarti: I've heard that before. Oh, that's right, it's the first line of the loser national anthem.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Dalton: You didn't mention they were kids.
Blaine DeBeers: Teens, who other than the random passage of time are basically adults. Why do they care?
Dalton: Well, it's, um... It's a moral issue.
Blaine DeBeers: These guys?
[Looks at the smugglers]
Dalton: Give me a second.
[Walks over and whispers to them]
Dalton: Hey. Okay, extra 15,000 a head. To cover the moral issue.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Nootropics, huh? I take these and I'm like the Limitless guy?
Dalton: Steroids for your mind. Your brain will be kicking sand in the face of all the weakling brains down at brain beach.
Blaine DeBeers: They said you'd gone legit. This seems like a pretty nice little scam.
Dalton: Oh, it works. I get string theory now.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Don E: Owning a bar is supposed to be fun. I shouldn't be doing grunt work. God! My life is the worst.
Candy: We could switch, I'll run the bar, you could be the zombie prostitute.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: You know, if we might get nuked at any minute, wouldn't you like to sail into the hereafter behind the wheel of a classic American...
Peyton Charles: I already bought tickets from Liv.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: I've had a vision. Rick walks out to his car, finds his windscreen smashed.
Clive Babineaux: That's it? You call that a vision?
Ravi Chakrabarti: And the words, "Die, pig" spray painted on his hood.
Clive Babineaux: I don't suppose you saw who smashed his window and tagged his car?
[Ravi is silent]
Clive Babineaux: Yeah, you never do.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Any idea who our mystery caller might be?
Darcy Bennett: My roommate took the call, said his name was like Ravi "Shark Buddy" or something. And he was putting on a fake British accent.
Blaine DeBeers: I know him actually, accent's real.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Don E: I get you're laying low. But you could still help out in the back.
Blaine DeBeers: By doing what?
[Scoffs]
Blaine DeBeers: Invoices?
Don E: For instance. At least, just consider it.
Blaine DeBeers: Considered. No.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Olivia Moore: Excellent work, Steve. I would say that warrants a special deal on raffle tickets. I'll go 10 for 10 bucks.
Vampire Steve: That's not a special deal, that's just what they cost.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What's the prize for whoever sells the most tickets?
Clive Babineaux: A mountain bike.
Ravi Chakrabarti: The mountain's on the other side of the wall.
Clive Babineaux: Then don't win the contest.

  --  Death of a Car Salesman [5.08]
%
Olivia Moore: Guess who was tied for second place with Laurie-Beth? Elise. Ironic, right?
Clive Babineaux: Well, I think you're using ironic wrong, but...
Olivia Moore: Oh, I think I'm using it right.
Clive Babineaux: Define ironic.
Olivia Moore: Like, you know, just... Ironic.
Clive Babineaux: Agree to disagree.

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Olivia Moore: Your ex is such a pig. You def traded up. Rav is the bomb. Like, part Prince Jr. Part Van Der Beek, but with a beard.

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Sergeant Sloat: Big fan of the show, Mayor. Wife and I binged the whole shebang. I'm such an Ed.

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: She the cast of Clueless or something?
Clive Babineaux: '90s Teen Pageant Girl brain.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Gnarly.
Clive Babineaux: Uh... That was more '80s.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Valley girl accent] Whatever!

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Clive Babineaux: She's a Louisiana State Correctional Officer on disability, following a human bite sustained during a prison riot.
Olivia Moore: She said she wanted to be a vet.
Clive Babineaux: Well, I wanted to be a test pilot.
Olivia Moore: And you can be. If you work hard and believe in yourself, there's nothing you can't...
Clive Babineaux: You wanna hear what I got or make another one of these speeches?

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Peyton Charles: You've been on a junkie brain.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Mmm-hmm.
Peyton Charles: Where does one hide drug paraphernalia?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Uh, nooks, holes, things of that nature. Or a hollowed-out book, a la Shawshank.

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Olivia Moore: It's just my... Martin...
Major Lillywhite: Your dad?
Olivia Moore: That word still does not come naturally to me. It's like calling a pine cone Your Majesty.

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Olivia Moore: I brought brain broth, and even more importantly, according to medical professionals, my emotional support through this.

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Major Lillywhite: Did you get anything out of her before you chased her to her death?
Darcy Bennett: We yelled "stop", she said "no".

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Sergeant Sloat: Got your ID?
Ravi Chakrabarti: You have a copy right here.
Sergeant Sloat: They're sticklers for this stuff. You don't like it? Change the incentives.
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Opens box] There's nothing in here.
Sergeant Sloat: Yeah, that was Sergeant Paul. Not a stickler. Now fired. See how it works?

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: The report was for a dealer from Mr. Boss's crew, busted a day after the boat party with Utopium in his possession. Possibly cooked by Beanpole himself.
Olivia Moore: [On pageant girl brain] That's great. I think drugs is one of the biggest issues facing young people today. Or any people.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's true. Albeit unrelated. The best part is, the dealer made bail then vanished. Likely meaning Mr. Boss had him murdered.
Olivia Moore: Oh. Well, um, murder is almost always bad. But, uh... I don't know.

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: What the hell are you doing here?
Blaine DeBeers: Is that any way to speak to a man in his own home?
Ravi Chakrabarti: And my, what a home it is.
Blaine DeBeers: Hey, I just heard you compliment my lamp. No takesie-backsies.

  --  The Fresh Princess [5.09]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: All I'm saying is, next time you and Peyton get into a bar fight, I'd like to be there.
Olivia Moore: We did all right without you.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, I know, I don't need to participate, I just wanna watch.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Olivia Moore: Bunny ain't talking. Corpses are funny that way.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Uh, there's a lot we can deduce from a body. That's literally our job.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Blaine DeBeers: I saw you heading this way, my curiosity was piqued.
Olivia Moore: Here's hoping that curiosity has the same effect on you as on the proverbial cat.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Olivia Moore: Always by the book, Babineaux. You clear many cases that way?
Clive Babineaux: Uh, almost all of them, as you know.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: [Going through Frank Chisel's closet] Oh, a trench coat for every day of the week. Got to admire his commitment.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Olivia Moore: No one would've been wise if Blaine hadn't shown up. What was he up to? That's the real question.
Clive Babineaux: Well, did you get an answer?
Olivia Moore: The same usual smarmy evasiveness.
Clive Babineaux: So that's no answer.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Clive Babineaux: Go home. Get some sleep.
Olivia Moore: I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Clive Babineaux: You're already dead.
Olivia Moore: We're all already dead, Clive. We just don't know it yet.
Clive Babineaux: ...Cool.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Bunny La Fonda, mid 20s, 5'4", 110 pounds. Time of death, about 11:00 p.m.
[Puts on noir-esque voice]
Ravi Chakrabarti: It was a hard rain that night. The kind that turns street into rivers. It rained so hard, the house cats almost felt bad for the rats in the alley.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Who's the victim?
Clive Babineaux: Frank Chisel. Private investigator, and a colossal pain in the ass.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's so noir. Clive, you'll be the perpetually annoyed cop who's a thorn in Liv's side... Not much of a stretch, really.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Peyton Charles: Did I tell you that I've always wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew up? I bet that's a hard job to get fired from. You don't find any dinosaur bones, you're just, like, "Nope. No dinosaurs died here."

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Jane Harland: It's so dark in here.
Clive Babineaux: Sorry, bulb blew.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Blaine DeBeers: How hard can it be? They're dying kids. That has to be one of the top five easiest types of kidnapping.
Bubba: Not when they know their Freylich brains are zombie cures. Some of them are taking precautions.
Blaine DeBeers: So up your game. Get more guns, more guys. Get one of those net traps that the Ewoks used.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Blaine DeBeers: Color me curious what sort of trouble Bunny had got her self into. She was a valued employee.
Olivia Moore: She was a hooker.
Blaine DeBeers: Who brought such joy to so many. What's more valuable than that?

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Olivia Moore: That dame's got you dizzy, Don E. That's what dames do.

  --  Night and the Zombie City [5.10]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: These are some kids we rescued from their captors. All, unfortunately, suffering from Freylichs, but, doing okay for now.
Olivia Moore: Ravi, you did it.
Ravi Chakrabarti: Major helped.
Major Lillywhite: I was gigolo bait, and I got shot.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Martin Roberts: Riley's team takes over a brothel, infects conventioneers, who bring it home, and... Bingo! Zombies are everywhere. Where we're meant to be. And a new order begins.
Olivia Moore: Martin, that's... That's crazy.
Martin Roberts: No, it only seems that way because you're not looking at it from the right perspective.
Olivia Moore: From my perspective, it looks like mass murder

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's the missing Freylich kids. I found someone who might lead us to someone who just might know where they might be... If we're lucky.
Major Lillywhite: Sounds rock solid.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Clarissa Bates is desperate to get out of Seattle, and she's tired of dating old sugar daddies. So, I figured, a dashing specimen such as yourself might, you know...
Major Lillywhite: That's what this is about? You want me to be some kind of gigolo bait?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh... I was thinking "spy." It sounds cooler and less dirty.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Bitchkraft: Yeah, I used glue-on rhinestones. Is that a crime?
Olivia Moore: Yes.
Clive Babineaux: Or no. In a legal sense.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Nice look. Bit more reserved than I was expecting, frankly.
Olivia Moore: Like I would be interested in the input from someone whose style would best be described as British boy school CPR mannequin.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Clive Babineaux: Were you aware of anyone who might've wanted Mike dead?
Howard: Not that I'm aware of.
Olivia Moore: Oh, come on! You're telling me you had a bunch of drag queens squished into this tiny bar for years and years, and no one wanted to murder anyone?

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Bitchkraft: I have better things to do than watch a couple of old queens make dad jokes and sing show tunes. Bitch needs to have her eyes checked.
Olivia Moore: As should you. Those lashes look like drowned spiders.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Gary: "Did anybody want to murder Mike?" Please. Bunch of drag bitches packed into a tiny bar? Somebody wanted to murder someone every night.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Don E: Do you remember the name of the bagpiper we hired when we tried Scotch and Soda Night? Darcy wants bagpipes at the wedding.
Blaine DeBeers: No. But I could strangle a duck for half of his price.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Major Lillywhite: You need a favor.
Ravi Chakrabarti: It's just that there's... There's a thing that I thought we could do together. Might be a fun change of pace for both of us.
Major Lillywhite: What? Like bowling?
Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah, no. More of a... "Locate some kidnapped teens" kind of thing.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Major Lillywhite: Abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Place does indeed look suspicious.
[Sees Bubba]
Major Lillywhite: Well, and that guy does look like a child smuggler.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Olivia Moore: Look around, Clive, this place is utterly gray. Not a nice Kim Novak suit in Vertigo gray, I mean, a lifeless, greenish gray. We work inside a dead frog.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: The original batch of Boat Party Utopium. Now I know how Sir Galahad felt when he at last held the Holy Grail.
Olivia Moore: The Holy Grail? So, who would that make my father?
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...Mordred?

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Clive Babineaux: He didn't do it.
Olivia Moore: I agree. Classic milquetoast husband. Probably collects commemorative plates. Murder takes balls.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Gary: Have you spoken to Bitchcraft?
Clive Babineaux: "Bitchcraft." Is that a person?
Gary: One of the new zombie kids. A stone-nasty skinny bitch, and I do not mean that as a compliment.

  --  Killer Queen [5.11]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: The problem was me. I was too immature. I wasn't ready for someone like you.
Vanessa Collins: I wish someone would just be honest with me for once. I mean, it's not like I fell in love with you. I didn't even remember you being Russian.

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: Clearly, American Ninja Warrior brain. We basically have to do a high-wire obstacle course through the labs of Zone 19. One ninja warrior, we'll be able to climb walls.
Olivia Moore: Look, I'm just saying Cirque du Soleil is a bit more stealthy. We have to climb without being seen.
Ravi Chakrabarti: We don't know what role they had. They could've been a mime.

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: The formula is in a vault that only Dr. Saxon has access to. To even get into that room, you have to pass through a series of security checks. The first is a keycard which can't be copied, and if it's lost the entire system will be reset. His photo comes up on a security cam. This only gets him into the outer room. Next, he has to pass more security cameras to get to the second of three checkpoints, where he has to pass a retinal scan. And this leads him to a vault that only Saxon can access. We have no way of knowing how he accesses it. We suspect it's by DNA, possibly from saliva, could be from blood. If any one of these systems is set off, it will activate a lockdown.
Major Lillywhite: Quick question. Is any of that true or are you just doing the Tom Cruise monologue from Mission Impossible one for your own amusement?
Ravi Chakrabarti: ...Both.

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Olivia Moore: I'll lift her keycard and get it to Ravi, who will access her office computer and switch Charli's retinal scan to read as Saxon's. All you gotta do is keep her occupied and out of her purse till he gets it back. Got it?
Clive Babineaux: Yeah. I'm the Clooney, I got it.

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Olivia Moore: Flirty Zone 19 janitor who likes you is good.
Ravi Chakrabarti: You could, like, subtly pump him for inside information.
Dr. Collier: Oh, I've tried. The only scoop I got is that there's a racist security guard who thinks Darrell and the other black janitor are the same guy, and he calls them both "Chief."

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Peyton Charles: You are talking about a major heist.
Clive Babineaux: Yeah, you'd need an Ocean's Eleven- styled team of highly skilled criminals to pull this job off.
Major Lillywhite: Yes. Yeah, at least some kind of hacker genius. And there's always the con man, the safe cracker.
Peyton Charles: The pickpocket, the computer guy...

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Ravi Chakrabarti: They have retinal scans, Liv.
Olivia Moore: Pfft. cut off a dead guy's hand once for fingerprint access to a secret lab elevator. Well, Major cut it off, but I carried it around on my belt.

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Olivia Moore: Could you hang on to this for me? It's pinching me like crazy.
[Takes a necklace, starts patting at him]
Clive Babineaux: What are you... What the... We are in the south now. You don't put stolen jewelry in a black man's pocket.
Olivia Moore: [whispers] It's not in your pocket.
Clive Babineaux: I just made a terrible mistake

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Clive Babineaux: I gave them what I could find, but that's not the main guy, you know. I mean, they need the Clooney. What's Ocean's Eleven without George Clooney?
Dale Bozzio: Ocean's Ten with Brad Pitt.

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Clive Babineaux: I need you to focus on the task at hand.
Olivia Moore: You know how many tasks I can focus on at once? I clocked Gladys when I walked in while pinching two wallets and this watch.
Clive Babineaux: Is that... my watch?

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Clive Babineaux: I figured if you're gonna eat a bunch of criminals, you should have some law enforcement with you. And it'll give me one last hurrah with my partner.
Ravi Chakrabarti: "S." Partners.

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Don E: [about Ravi and Peyton] How in the hell did the Ricky Gervais face-making-knob bag a woman like that? The guy ain't rich, he's barely a doctor. I mean, yeah, the hair, whatever, and I guess the accent...

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Olivia Moore: First order of business, bar. Then I need eyes on me. Once I fan the mark, I'll tug my dress strap. Left strap means leather in the pit. Right strap, the prat. Both straps, I'm legit adjusting my dress.

  --  Bye, Zombies [5.12]
%
Olivia Moore: [Texting] Lady next to me says she recognizes me from somewhere. She signed up for wifi.
Clive Babineaux: Not good.
Olivia Moore: She's looking up "The Good Place". She thinks I'm Kristen Bell.
Ravi Chakrabarti: She will be sorely disappointed.

  --  All's Well That Ends Well [5.13]
%
Sherry: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just... I feel like I know you.
Olivia Moore: I get that a lot.
Sherry: Oh. No, I'm sure I've seen your face before. Are you on TV?

  --  All's Well That Ends Well [5.13]
%
Johnny Frost: You need me to take a cure for zombie-ism on live TV?
Ravi Chakrabarti: This cure.
Johnny Frost: Why me?
Major Lillywhite: You may be Seattle's most well-known zombie.
Johnny Frost: I'm not even Seattle's most well-known zombie in a six-foot radius.

  --  All's Well That Ends Well [5.13]
%
