Maj. Don West: If you wake up and find me driving, you'll know you're in trouble.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [Talking on small communicator radio] Aeolis 14 Umbra. Come in please. Do you read me? Mission accomplished. Mission accomplished. What do I do now? What clever instructions do you have for me now? How much more money are you going to pay me for this excursion?
Dr. Zachary Smith: [Sees meteor zooming past observation window] Aeolis 14 Umbra, do you know where I am? Do you know? DO YOU KNOW?
[Dr. Smith throws radio to floor, then flips Robot power switch on console only to half way position, then leaves]
The Robot: Incompleted circuit. Incompleted circuit! Damage may result!
[Flips switch back to on position]
The Robot: Damage averted. All systems operative.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Will Robinson: Am I okay, doctor? Did I pass?
Dr. Zachary Smith: You'll do.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Will Robinson: [to Dr. Smith] Well, Maj. West said that when he went to cadet school an excuse like yours wouldn't have gotten him out of Sunday chapel.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Voice of Lunar Tracking Controller: Hello Alpha Control. This is Lunar Tracking Station Copernicus. Jupiter 2 moving at incredible speed! Far off course, beyond range of our tracking instruments!
Alpha Control Technician: White House, this is Alpha Control. Message for president on scrambler. Mr. President, status control on Jupiter 2. As of this moment, the spacecraft has passed the limits of our galaxy. It's presumed to be hopelessly lost in space.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Maureen Robinson: Dr. Smith, is it possible that certain parts of the body don't reanimate as quickly as others? The heart, for instance?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Mrs. Robinson, I'm afraid the decision no longer rests in your hands or the computer's.
Prof. John Robinson: What do you mean?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Your son...
Maureen Robinson: What about him?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, there's no cause for alarm. Not yet at any rate.
Will Robinson: [Downstairs, addressing Robot] Stop it! Stop it! I order you to stop!
The Robot: [pauses] Negative.
[Robot smashes arm against console, causing damage and wild gyration of ship, then takes elevator upstairs]
The Robot: Destroy!
[Begins slowly lumbering forward]
The Robot: Destroy!
Dr. Zachary Smith: No, no! Abort! Can you hear me? Abort! Abort! Abort!
[Robot blasts Dr. Smith with bolts of electricity, hurling him to the floor]

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Narrator: This is the beginning. This is the day. You are watching the unfolding of one of history's great adventures - Man's colonization of space beyond the stars.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Narrator: Reaching out into other worlds from our desperately overcrowded planet, a series of deep-thrust telescopic probes have conclusively established a planet orbiting the star Alpha Centauri as the only one within range of our technology able to furnish ideal conditions for human existence.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Maureen Robinson: I should say something light and clever, shouldn't I? I just can't.
Alpha Control Technician: This is Alpha Control. The Robinson family will now board the spacecraft.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: The power pack! Pull out the power pack!
Maureen Robinson: John, look out! Penny, hang on!
Maj. Don West: [Trying to stop Robot from burning through cabin pressure control on wall] He's breaking through!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Pull out the power pack!

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Narrator: The Robinson family was selected from more than two million volunteers for its unique balance of scientific achievement, emotional stability and pioneer resourcefulness. They will spend the five and a half years of their voyage frozen into a state of suspended animation, which will terminate automatically as the spacecraft enters the atmosphere of a new planet.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
[Dr. Smith checks his reprogramming of the robot]
The Robot: At exactly launch plus eight hours: inertial guidance system - destroy; radio transmitter - destroy; cabin pressure control system - destroy.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Will Robinson: My dad said you were left aboard when you came down to adjust the helium/nitrogen intake.
Dr. Zachary Smith: That's right.
Will Robinson: But the helium/nitrogen intake valve's on the UPPER level.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh? Well... Who said anything about the intake valve? It was the emergency supply I was concerned about.

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Prof. John Robinson: [gazing at the star field out the ship's window] It's incredible! Not one constellation you can recognize!

  --  The Reluctant Stowaway [1.01]
%
Narrator: [epilogue] Even as we watch, the spaceship Jupiter II is drawn deeper and deeper into the gravitational pull of the unknown planet. Whether its alien environment will be friendly or hostile, whether this will be the beginning of a new adventure for the Robinson family or the end of everything, only time will tell...

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
[With John and Maureen passed out from the heat of an approaching comet, Don struggles to open the jammed hatch door and pull them inside]
Dr. Zachary Smith: I hope you children are more familiar with the navigation of this ship than I am.
Will Robinson: Why?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, if the heat out there should affect our pilot...
Will Robinson: [angrily] D'you always have to say things like that?

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Calling Aeolis-14-Umbra. Aeolis-14-Umbra. We have sighted your spaceship. Do you have instructions?

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
[the Jupiter 2 comes upon a gigantic alien spacecraft]
Prof. John Robinson: [his curiosity piqued] Let's get around to the other side then.
Maj. Don West: [not keen on the idea] All right, if you insist.
Prof. John Robinson: Well, LOOK at that thing! Where's your scientific curiosity?
Maj. Don West: All in one basket - Alpha Centauri

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
[the robot won't obey]
Will Robinson: [imitating Dr. Smith] Two steps forward, my mechanical friend.
[the robot obeys]

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
Will Robinson: [seeing Dr. Smith raise his gun] No! Don't shoot! He was in that thing. I disturbed him. I think I can communicate with him.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [horrified] Not human! Nothing! And I was so sure.
Will Robinson: Human? Out here? Billions of miles from the Earth?
[Smith raises gun]
Will Robinson: No! Don't! Maybe they can help us. I mean, they're not like us, but maybe they are.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Very well, my boy. See what you can do.

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
[the roused alien gives off an electrical discharge, quite possibly its manner of communication]
Dr. Zachary Smith: What do you suppose THAT means?
Will Robinson: I don't know. I don't think it likes being asked to guide us anywhere.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Let me try.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [to alien] Uh, we are from the planet Earth. Uh, we're perfectly willing to stay here if you show ME how your guidence system can get us back there.
Will Robinson: But we don't WANNA go back there to Earth, Dr. Smith. We wanna go to Alpha Centauri.
Dr. Zachary Smith: YOU do. Not I. Doesn't really mater. It doesn't seem very cooperative.
Will Robinson: He WAS before YOU got here.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Very well. Try again. And I hope you realize how important their guidance system would be to us.
Will Robinson: [to alien] My parents are on the Jupiter 2 spaceship, and my sisters and Major West - he's our pilot - and Dr. Smith here... well... he just seemed to be aboard when we lifted off.
Dr. Zachary Smith: He's not interested in your passenger list. Ask him something sensible.
Will Robinson: I can't ask him ANYTHING until I get him to realize I don't mean him any harm!
Will Robinson: [to alien] We are friendly. We're from the planet Earth. We are on our way to Alpha Centauri.
Dr. Zachary Smith: No, no, no! Back to Earth!
Will Robinson: He doesn't seem to read me no matter WHAT I say.
Dr. Zachary Smith: He'll read THIS!
[Dr. Smith shoots the alien]
Will Robinson: You've ruined EVERYTHING!

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
Maureen Robinson: We have no BUSINESS trying to land on that planet!
Will Robinson: Oh, Mother.
Maureen Robinson: We're settlers, not explorers! We have a specific destination to reach!

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
Narrator: [prologue] Last week, John Robinson, father of the first family to attempt colonization of outer space, found himself helplessly adrift when his line snapped while trying to repair navigational equipment. It is now shortly thereafter, as Maureen Robinson desperately tries to reach her husband before he drifts further off into the trackless void of outer space.

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
Will Robinson: [John, Don, and Dr. Smith are leaving Jupiter 2 to explore an alien craft that has enveloped them] I don't see why Dad wouldn't let me go with them.
Maureen Robinson: We do need a man here while they're gone, Will.

  --  The Derelict [1.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [to the Robot] Only one person is currently if use to us - Major Don West. "Useful" because he's the only one who can pilot this spaceship. Since the others serve no purpose, they must be liquidated. When we have learned what we need to know from Major West, he will be liquidated as well. With me, so far?
The Robot: Affirmative. Destroy everyone.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, now, that's hardly a delicate way of putting it. I prefer the term "eliminate." It's so much tidier.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
The Robot: I do not vote. I am not programmed for free choice.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Don't worry about it. It's vastly overrated.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Will Robinson: [imitating Dr. Smith's voice] Step forward, my mechanical friend.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Will Robinson: Nice work!
The Robot: That does not compute.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I ask myself why all this bitterness and strife? Why all this intense rivalry? After all, we all belong to the same race... uh... the human race... embarked on an exploration of that greatest of mysteries, the unknown universe.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Maj. Don West: [Retrieves a chimpanzee-like alien "bloop" from behind a bush]
Will Robinson: For Pete's sake, what's that?
Maj. Don West: This is what we picked up on the scanner. I'm sorry, Maureen.
Penny Robinson: Oh, he's darling. May I have him?
Maureen Robinson: No, you may not.
Maj. Don West: Come on. Come on, fellow. Beat it.
[the bloop begins to walk away]
Maureen Robinson: Penny, you may have it if you wish.
Penny Robinson: No, Mom. I don't want him. Really, I don't.
Maureen Robinson: Get it for her, will you, Don? It's all right dear. You may have it.
Maj. Don West: [Picking up the bloop] Come on, Charlie. Looks like you found yourself a home.
Penny Robinson: [Holding the bloop] I'm gonna call you Debbie.
Maj. Don West: Come on, kids. Let's go. Come on.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Maj. Don West: [Holding Smith in a headlock] You're not giving *any* orders to that robot, except one. When I tell you to, you'll say exactly *six* words: 'Robot, go back to your compartment.'. Deviate by one syllable, ONE breath, and it will be your last! Robot, go BACK to your compartment. You got that? Nod if you understand me.
[Smith nods]
Maj. Don West: All right. Say it now.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Robot... go... back to your compartment.
[the Robot complies and goes below deck]
Maj. Don West: OK buster, into the freezing tube!

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Tell me, my friend, are you robot enough to crush this helmet?
The Robot: Affirmative.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You have my permission to do so.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: My dear Dr. Robinson, I can't begin to describe how happy I am at finding you alive.
Maj. Don West: Now I'LL tell one.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Maj. Don West: [referring to Dr. Smith] He's as slippery as a bucket of eels.

  --  Island in the Sky [1.03]
%
Will Robinson: Can you lend me a hand for a few minutes?
Dr. Zachary Smith: My dear boy, I would be doing you a disservice if I offered assistance. Little set-backs are good for the young. They build character.

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
Penny Robinson: [Debbie the Bloop wandered off] Will, Debbie's gone.
Will Robinson: You women are always getting lost.

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Will, you're in charge, and I want you to take good care of your mother and your sisters.

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
Will Robinson: When Dad calls me William in THAT tone of voice, it's no use arguing.

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
[Don and John drive back to the Jupiter 2 but the trip is rocky]
Maj. Don West: Bad terrain. You better slow down.
Prof. John Robinson: Strange. I never noticed those rough spots before.
[Arial shot: the chariot is rolling over giant footprints]

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
Maj. Don West: The soil of this planet contains a parasite that requires another life form to reach maturity.
Prof. John Robinson: That's right. That or metamorphosis.

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
Prof. John Robinson: [checking their weather station] Look at this thing! By the day after tomorrow the temperature will drop 150 below zero.
Maj. Don West: What'll we do?
Prof. John Robinson: We're gonna have to head south but fast.

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
Prof. John Robinson: It's moving day Major West.

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
Judy Robinson: Don said it wasn't safe to use any of the native soil.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ridiculous. However, I will take a little sample of this to the lab for a soil analysis. Meanwhile, my dear, you carry on with your planting. Uh, by the way, what are you setting out.
Judy Robinson: Potatoes, peas, carrots, tomatoes, squash and corn.
Dr. Zachary Smith: And little green onions, my dear?
[Judy nods]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, yes, indeed, PLENTY of little green onions. Yes. Carry on.

  --  There Were Giants in the Earth [1.04]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: No planet could have an orbit like this. Not even this woebegone, flea-bitten chunk of depressed galactic real estate.

  --  The Hungry Sea [1.05]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [radioing the chariot] Turn back at once before it's too late. You're in terrible danger. You've got to believe me.
Prof. John Robinson: Smith, this is Robinson. Now why on earth should we believe you?
Dr. Zachary Smith: May I remind you, my dear sir, that we are no longer "on Earth."
Prof. John Robinson: Oh, that's very clever.
Dr. Zachary Smith: And unless you turn around and come back right now, you won't survive another hour.

  --  The Hungry Sea [1.05]
%
The Robot: Outside temperature: 59 degrees Fahrenheit and rising.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I've known people to make conversation about the weather, but this is ridiculous.

  --  The Hungry Sea [1.05]
%
Maj. Don West: You know, I've got a feeling this stuff's got a message for us if we could only read it.
Judy Robinson: What is it?
Maj. Don West: Well, it's just a piece of vegetation.
Prof. John Robinson: We found lots of this frozen solid in the ground.
Maureen Robinson: Well, it looks as though it's been charred.
Prof. John Robinson: It has.
Maureen Robinson: Burned and then frozen?
Prof. John Robinson: Mm-hm.
Maureen Robinson: Well, that doesn't make sense, does it?
Prof. John Robinson: Darling, very little on this planet makes sense, by Earth standard.

  --  The Hungry Sea [1.05]
%
Will Robinson: Where's Dad?
Maj. Don West: He's been working most of the night on that tin monster. Hey, uh, you're pretty fond of that robot, aren't you?
[Will nods]

  --  The Hungry Sea [1.05]
%
Maj. Don West: I hope you're not gonna pay attention to anything from that robot.
Prof. John Robinson: We'd better. This is orbital data on this planet.
Maj. Don West: [laughs derisively] Who's data? Smith's!
Prof. John Robinson: It explains everything - the terrible cold and sudden rise in temperature. Here, look.
Prof. John Robinson: [sticks two pegs in the sand then draws around them] Here's this planet. This is its sun. Now the orbit of this planet is nothing like the Earth's orbit. It's a flat ellipse, and the sun isn't in the center. It's over here on this leg.
Will Robinson: Then we must have been at this end, away from the sun. That means we're heading in back in close to it now, is that what Dr. Smith tried to warn us about?
Prof. John Robinson: That's right, Will. In a matter of hours we're gonna be in danger of roasting alive. And there's no time to get back to the ship. We're gonna have to build a shelter right here!
Maj. Don West: Do you mean to say you're going to pay ANY attention to what Smith says after all he's done?
Prof. John Robinson: Who cares WHAT he's done? These are facts!
Maj. Don West: Are they? The man's a pathological liar. Now, what makes you think he's suddenly reformed? You think he'd lift a finger to save our lives? Now, we were headed south. I say we keep going that way.
Prof. John Robinson: And you're in no position to give orders.
Maj. Don West: Oh, and you are? It's too bad there isn't judgment to go along with that self-confidence.
Prof. John Robinson: Now that's enough out of you. Whether you like it or not I'm gonna try to save your life along with the others. We get that shelter rigged NOW!
[Don goes]
Will Robinson: Boy, Dad, you really read HIM out.

  --  The Hungry Sea [1.05]
%
Maj. Don West: [explaining why he's dismantling the robot] That ice we crossed is a full-fledged sea by now. If we're going to sail the chariot across it, I want to make sure EVERYTHING'S battened down, and that includes THIS animated hunk of machinery.

  --  The Hungry Sea [1.05]
%
Maj. Don West: [at sea, while tossed about] What's wrong?
Prof. John Robinson: [clicking the controls of the chariot] It won't respond.
Maj. Don West: We're not getting any power. Must be a loose connection in the solar batteries. I'll go up and see if I can fix 'em.
Judy Robinson: Now?
Prof. John Robinson: We can't risk it.
Maj. Don West: Have to. Without power we'll capsize.
Prof. John Robinson: It's too late. We're right in the middle of it.
Maj. Don West: John, we can't wait.
Maureen Robinson: John, you know he's right.

  --  The Hungry Sea [1.05]
%
Jimmy Hapgood: Well, how about that! Then you're all just like me, ain't ya? You're as lost as a wood tick on a bald mountain.

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Will Robinson: Bet you were surprised to see us.
Jimmy Hapgood: Oh, I'm not too surprised to find people, son.
Will Robinson: What ARE you surprised at?
Jimmy Hapgood: Well, I'll tell ya: Finding things that you know can't exist but do. Happenin's that'd put your heart up in your mouth and your blood down your toes. Livin' things that breathe in fire and swim in ice.

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [invited to join the scouting party] Me? Out there? Defenseless?
Prof. John Robinson: Oh, we all have our guns.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What use are they going to be against a monster who eats electrons for breakfast?

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [hanging onto Will] Don't be afraid, Will. Just, uh... keep calm.
Will Robinson: I am.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You see, these alien creatures may be very terrifying. You mustn't panic, you know. And don't tremble.
Will Robinson: I'm not, YOU are.

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Jimmy Hapgood: Say, if you fellas are still mad at me, just say so and I'll leave.
Prof. John Robinson: We're not angry. Least I'm not.
Jimmy Hapgood: [to Don] You still mad?
Maj. Don West: No. I'm just sorry I didn't hit you any harder.
Jimmy Hapgood: Was a pretty good fight, wasn't it?
Maj. Don West: [grinning] Yeah. That it was.

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [as everyone gazes at the image on the scanner] I hope it's not one of those alien monstrosities.
Maj. Don West: It's no pigeon, that's for sure.

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I? Volunteer? Oh, my dear, Jimmy. I was literally shanghaied.

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Jimmy Hapgood: I've been more trouble to you folks than an old goat in a paper mill.

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
[Hapgood is injured]
Maureen Robinson: [to Judy] Get Dr. Smith.
Judy Robinson: Mother, I wish now I hadn't hit him.
Maureen Robinson: Well, just get Dr. Smith.
Judy Robinson: D'you think he'll be able to leave today?
Maureen Robinson: Well, we'll know as soon as Dr. Smith examines him.

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Prof. John Robinson: It's a missile, and it's headed straight for us!

  --  Welcome Stranger [1.06]
%
Prof. John Robinson: What're you doing? Making yourself a necklace?
Will Robinson: No. Maybe something for Penny. Girls get so gloopy sometimes. Can you imagine bawling because you imagine your imaginary friend is mad or scared or something? Only trouble is, some of these rocks are hard as diamonds.

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Mr. Nobody: I remember rocks. Rocks bubbling.
Penny Robinson: These? But... but this is granite. It takes millions and millions of years to... You mean you're that old, already?

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Penny Robinson: Oh Mother, I thought you were the only one. I thought you really believed me, at least just a little bit.
Maureen Robinson: Wha... Penny! Penny, of course I do! Now, I still do, and you know why? Well, I'll tell you a secret. When I was a little girl, I had a very special friend, too. His name was Mr. Noodles and he lived inside my teddy bear.
Penny Robinson: What?
Maureen Robinson: It's true. I know that you're the only one who'd understand how very very real Mr. Noodles was to me.
Penny Robinson: Oh, Mother, that's the silliest thing I ever heard of! How can ANYONE live inside a teddy bear?

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Mr. Nobody: Penny? Penny? When a person can't talk anymore... When a person can't move anymore... Penny! Please move. Penny, please... don't die. Penny?

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [holding up Penny's diamond necklace] When I think of the value of these rocks back on Earth - oh, the pain, the pain.

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Penny Robinson: If you'd just let me see a little bit if you.
Mr. Nobody: I don't... know how.
Penny Robinson: But try! You just can't stay down here... until you die!
Mr. Nobody: What is "die"?
Penny Robinson: Well... I- I don't think I'm exactly sure, myself. But... when... someone can't speak anymore. Or... when someone can't move anymore. Like... before you could remember, maybe.

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Mr. Nobody: I'm going out to find them, Penny, whoever they are that did this, and I'm going to teach them a lesson.

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
[last lines]
Judy Robinson: [while everyone looks in awe at the transformation of Mr. Nobody into a stellar display] Don, what is pure cosmic force? What does it turn into?
Maj. Don West: I don't know. There are a lot of things iI don't know.
Prof. John Robinson: It's like a new Milky Way.
Penny Robinson: Well, caterpillars can turn into butterflies can't they?
Maureen Robinson: Oh John, look, Just look!
Mr. Nobody: Good bye, Pen-nee, good bye, Pen-nee.
Penny Robinson: Good bye, Mr. Nobody.
Mr. Nobody: Good bye, good bye...

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I might have known it. You have as much Indian tracking blood in your circuits as I have.

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Penny Robinson: [hearing a voice in a cave] Well, how do you do?
Mr. Nobody: Do.
Penny Robinson: I'm just an echo, that's all.
Mr. Nobody: Aaaaall?
Penny Robinson: Echo?
Mr. Nobody: E-cho?
Penny Robinson: Only... where does it come from? Where?
Mr. Nobody: Where! Where! Where. Echo. Echo!. Echo. Where. Echo. Hey! Hey! Where! Heyyyyyyyy!

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Maj. Don West: John, the laser guns. It's our only hope.
Prof. John Robinson: We can't! If we let it get that close to the ship, we'll be blown apart.
Will Robinson: The robot, dad. He has laser circuits.
Prof. John Robinson: You hear that, Smith?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Maximum firing level, circular range. Fire all directions on command.
The Robot: Circuits armed and ready.
Judy Robinson: Hurry up! It's getting closer!
Maj. Don West: I just hope he can break that force apart.
Prof. John Robinson: All right. Get him moving!
Dr. Zachary Smith: March, my metallic hero. March!
[Robot begins moving toward cosmic creature]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Tell me when, sir. Tell me when.
Prof. John Robinson: Not yet. Wait until he's close to its center.
[Robot continues his advance]
Prof. John Robinson: All right. Start firing and continue his marching.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [Speaking on two way radio] Fire! March! Fire!
[Robot unleashes devastating array of energy bolts on cosmic creature, but with no apparent effect]

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Faint heart never built Fort Knox, my cowardly friend.

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: What's the matter?
Maj. Don West: D'you hear that? It sounded like thunder.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Sky seems clear enough.

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
The Robot: [with a raging storm fast approaching] Environmental analysis report...
Will Robinson: But, say it! Say it, will you? I mean, won't you please give us your analysis, my learned old friend?
The Robot: Affirmative. Negative. Release of pure cosmic force with anti-matter core. It has anger. It will destroy us!
Will Robinson: That's stupid. Forces and things don't get angry.
The Robot: It has anger. It will destroy us!

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
Judy Robinson: Mother, cherry pie! How did you do it?
Maureen Robinson: On the computer!

  --  My Friend, Mr. Nobody [1.07]
%
The Robot: I determine an alien presence.
Maureen Robinson: Alien? You mean from this planet?
The Robot: On this planet, WE are the aliens.
Maureen Robinson: Touche.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Alien: [Smith tries to shoot one of the aliens in the back, but the aliens thwart him by making the laser pistol disappear] You showed treachery and cunning, noble qualities on your native planet no doubt, but indicating defective relays in your reasoning circuits.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
[Will is about to put his hands into some clear liquid trickling down a rock face when Dr. Smith hauls him back abruptly]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Don't touch that!
Will Robinson: Wha...!
Dr. Zachary Smith: That stuff would have taken the hide off you quicker than a peach in boiling oil.
Will Robinson: But I've seen Mom use the same kind of water to cook in.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Dear boy, it may look the same but chemically it's no closer to water than chalk is to cheese.
Will Robinson: You know what I think? I think you're just fooling me. I don't think there's any danger to me OR to my folks. I think you just took me away from them to get even or to force 'em to take you back - or I don't KNOW what!
[Dr. Smith walks away smugly then sits and looks at Will, grinning]
Dr. Zachary Smith: All right. If you think I'm a humbug, go right ahead and put your hand in the water. Go on. You shouldn't be afraid to put your hand in what seems to be clear, HARMLESS drinking water. Go on.
[Will makes several attempts to touch the running fluid but doubt restrains him]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well?

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Alien: The truth is we need more than the power of your brain. We have been traveling since long before the earliest moments of your planet's history. Our mental powers have grown... weary. We do not intend to harm you, but we need your youth, your... freshness, your... curiosity.
Will Robinson: But I'm not curious OR fresh, and I just look young, honest!

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Get down!
Maj. Don West: So that's the monster.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now that doesn't look very monstrous, does it?
Maj. Don West: Neither do you... Do you suppose we could blast them out?
[Alien spacecraft begins powering up for departure]
The Robot: The craft is surrounded by a force field in the fifth dimension, which is... mathematically... impossible.
Prof. John Robinson: I guess it takes a human being to accept the impossible.
Maureen Robinson: Stop them! Can't you stop them?
The Robot: Negative.
Prof. John Robinson: [Holds Maureen back] Maureen!
Maureen Robinson: Will!
Prof. John Robinson: I order you to try!
The Robot: They will disable me.
Prof. John Robinson: [Sternly] I order you to try and stop them!
[Places hand on laser pistol for emphasis]
Prof. John Robinson: [Robot slowly advances and fires a volley of energy projectiles, which bounce off the spacecraft. The last bolt ricochets back on the Robot, disabling him]
Prof. John Robinson: Again! I order you to try!
Dr. Zachary Smith: It's no use. It's just like throwing good money after bad, if you don't mind the comparison.
Prof. John Robinson: I DO mind.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: If it's natives you're after, there's a whole tribe of them right down there in the valley. Eh, the natives here are called "Robinsons." I could show you the way.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Alien: One of the circuits in our guidance control system has worn out. We must replace what you would call a computer.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ah, well, the natives down there, they've got a slew of computers in their spaceship. I could get one for you right away if you'll let me go.
Alien: Primitive toys! A million times a million of them would not replace one of OUR components.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Then... whadda you want with me?
Alien: Only one type of computer will serve our needs.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What's that?
Alien: A humanoid brain.
Dr. Zachary Smith: A WHAT?
Alien: Even such a primitive one as yours.
Dr. Zachary Smith: MINE?
Alien: Only a portion of it.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Alien: We may have to reduce your size somewhat to fit the available space.
Dr. Zachary Smith: That's impossible! You can't!
Alien: Why do you say that?

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Don, uh, is the extra rocket-belt refueled?
Maj. Don West: Uh, no, I didn't check it out.
Prof. John Robinson: Oh, that's great! Why not?
Maj. Don West: Now, wait a minute, Professor! I don't mind taking orders, but I draw the line at being bossed around like some kind of a field hand.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Come along, my boy. We're almost there.
Will Robinson: How much further is it?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, now... not quite as close as your shadow nor quite as far as Texas but somewhere between.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Maureen Robinson: [checking the scanner] Well, that's odd. I've never seen a blip shaped like THAT on the screen before, have you?
Judy Robinson: No. What do you suppose it could be?
Maureen Robinson: Oh, it's probably a malfunction in the scanner. Don?
Maj. Don West: [digging near the garden] Yeah?
Maureen Robinson: Can you come here a minute?
Maj. Don West: Just a second.
Maureen Robinson: No, right now!
Maj. Don West: What is it?
Maureen Robinson: W-well, look at this scanner.
Maj. Don West: What's wrong with it?
Maureen Robinson: Well, I think it's acting up again.
Maj. Don West: Oh, no. I just checked it out this morning.
Maj. Don West: [coming to their side] What's wrong with it?
Judy Robinson: It's gone, just now!
Maj. Don West: What's gone?
Judy Robinson: The strange spot.
Maj. Don West: Uh... you sure you haven't been seeing spots in front of your eyes?
Maureen Robinson: No. No, really, it was right... right there. We both saw it. Well, for a minute, anyway.
Maj. Don West: Well, there's nothing there now and, besides, if it were a blip it couldn't just disappear. It would have to fly off somewhere, right?
[Don goes]
Maureen Robinson: [to Judy] Well, I-I guess maybe our eyes WERE playing tricks on us.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
[Will, held captive in service to the aliens, begins to cry at the prospect of leaving his family behind]
Alien: I order you to concentrate. What is that on your cheek?
[Circuits on board the alien ship begin to spark and short-circuit]
Alien: Whatever that is, it is causing our computer phase cells to burn out! I order you to stop that!
Will Robinson: *I* can't help it!
Luminary: Computer vector cycles are short-circuiting! You MUST stop! When you help us get back to our planet, we will see that you are returned to this miserable place. So there is no need for wasted emotion!
Will Robinson: It's NOT wasted. I love them, and don't want to leave them at all!
Luminary: You will see them again, but you must try to concentrate.
Will Robinson: I'm trying, as hard as I can. I just keep thinking...
Alien: [contemptuously] Love. What is it? Can you eat it? What does it do? Except perform the coring of the brain.
Luminary: Extraordinary. It seems to be a form of madness, common to all of them.
Will Robinson: I can't help feeling the way I do.
Alien: What primitive barbaric little creatures you are. On your own planet you slaughter each other unceasingly. All in the name of love.
Will Robinson: At least we keep trying to get better. We don't go around turning people into machines!
Alien: Let him go. His mind is too primitive to be of any service to us
Luminary: But in a few moments we will be fully powered up. Without him to complete the circuit, the power will destroy us!
Alien: He is useless. Let him go.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
Alien: [with Will on the aliens' pedestal, now a component of their guidance system] You are free of discomfort?
Will Robinson: I guess so.
Alien: Yet, in low spirits, disconsolate, a prey to melancholy?
Will Robinson: Huh?
Luminary: You lament your forebearers.
Will Robinson: My what?
Luminary: Father, mother, you miss them.
Will Robinson: Whadda YOU think?
Alien: Well, we can, if you wish, erase your memory circuits, then you will cease to feel the pain of separation.
Will Robinson: No! I WANNA remember them.
Alien: Very well. We shall depart as soon as your cerebral circuits have been fully tested.

  --  Invaders from the Fifth Dimension [1.08]
%
[John and Don discover Dr. Smith taking a shower with the last of their water supply]
Prof. John Robinson: I ought to kick you clear into orbit for taking a shower at a time like this.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I couldn't wait another day. I was losing precious body fluids besides feeling very icky.

  --  The Oasis [1.09]
%
Prof. John Robinson: [journal entry] Although we've survived the earthquake, and Maj. West's injuries have fortunately proved to be minor, the eccentric orbit of this hostile planet has now confirmed our fears that its sun would soon to be a pitiless enemy. The land shrivels under its blinding heat, and the conservation of water has become our gravest problem.

  --  The Oasis [1.09]
%
Maureen Robinson: Dr. Smith! Don't eat that!
[She knocks the fruit out of his hand]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well! You didn't have to do that. There's plenty more.
Maureen Robinson: How many of these have you eaten?
Dr. Zachary Smith: It was only my second, and I must say it's delicious, a very exotic flavor. Now, you needn't worry. There's plenty for everyone, just don't worry at all about it.
Maureen Robinson: But you don't understand! This fruit hasn't been tested. It might be...
Dr. Zachary Smith: May be what? Tell me.
Maureen Robinson: Poisonous! Oh, WHY couldn't you have waited?

  --  The Oasis [1.09]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I know how you all feel about me! Another mouth to feed! Another thirst to quench! "Oh, yes, let's get rid of him! This is our chance." That's the way your evil minds worked, wasn't it?

  --  The Oasis [1.09]
%
Will Robinson: Gosh, it's not so bad being big. Think of all the marvelous things you'll be able to do. Like, gosh, you'll be able to get bird's eggs without even climbing.

  --  The Oasis [1.09]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Now, Smith, the doctor, probably knows more about the action of that fruit on the pituitary gland than any of us, but Smith, the victim, well, he's in a state of shock. He couldn't help himself even if he wanted to.

  --  The Oasis [1.09]
%
Will Robinson: [excited that the water conversion unit is working again] We should get a pint of water apiece from it every day.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [not enthused] A pint. I'll use it for eyewash - for one eye.

  --  The Oasis [1.09]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Where emotion is involved, evidence is not required, only the right word in the right ear at the right time.

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You know, Mrs. Robinson, you're an admirable woman. A unique spirit. A pioneer spirit from days of old.
Maureen Robinson: Well, now, why do you say that?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Why? Because it's true. Who knows what terrible misfortune has befallen your young son. Why, at this very moment, he may be in the clutches of some sinister being, suffering indescribable torture...
Judy Robinson: Stop it!
Dr. Zachary Smith: ...but do you weep, do you bewail the fate of your only male offspring? Oh, no. Like the true Spartan woman, you face adversity undaunted, unflinching.

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Mark my words - if you don't destroy this monstrous thing at once, ruin and disaster will follow. We will all suffer a horrible fate. That is my final word on the subject. Now, I'm going to the galley to satisfy the needs of the INNER man.

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
[Maurine's cake vanishes before everyone's eyes]
Dr. Zachary Smith: You see? I told you we were dealing with a cruel adversary.
Prof. John Robinson: "Cruel," Dr. Smith? We have no proof of that.
Maj. Don West: They probably just wanted the cake for a specimen.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What happens where they decide they need a HUMAN for a specimen?

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Prof. John Robinson: I said "No shooting."
Dr. Zachary Smith: I just saved your life.
Prof. John Robinson: You just lost your nerve.

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Whose opinion are you going to take - that of a mere child or mine?

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: My primary concern has always been for the welfare and survival of all.
Maj. Don West: You're a self-centered, selfish individual whose primary concern is only one thing - himself.

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [lazing out for a suntan while Will and Don repair the chariot] You see, Will, even as a boy your age I was determined to be a scientist. Believe me, there is no worthier ambition. How gratifying it is to work for the betterment of Mankind, to strive for the unobtainable.
Maj. Don West: How about doing a little striving on this engine?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I am a scientist, not a menial mechanic.
Maj. Don West: You're a 4-star goldbrick, Smith.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but YOUR words can never harm me.
Maj. Don West: [smacking a wrench against his thigh as he approaches Smith] Maybe I can get faster results THIS way.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [quickly getting up] Uh, there is no need for belligerence. You have my cooperation.

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Maj. Don West: Smith, have you ever in your life had a *good* thought?

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: It seems that two more unexpected problems have dropped in on us. It's positively raining aliens.

  --  The Sky Is Falling [1.10]
%
Will Robinson: But why work when the machine can do it FOR you?
Prof. John Robinson: Will, up to now, this family's been getting along very well. We have respect and love for one another - and you can not wish for those things with THAT. Now we get this, a machine that makes dreams come true, and instead of making us happier, it sows the seeds of discontent, mistrust and indolence. I said "a machine that makes dreams come true..." Nightmares can also be dreams.

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Will Robinson: I brought you some breakfast.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ah, most kind of you, my boy - ah - but as an expert woodsman I find no difficulty living off the land.

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Will Robinson: You said all you wanted to do was check out the machine.
Dr. Zachary Smith: That's exactly what I've been doing.
Will Robinson: For four days?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, you see, uh, science is a matter of, uh, trial and error. I had to be sure there was no danger.
Will Robinson: Have you found any?
Dr. Zachary Smith: There are certain problems, uh, but as soon as they're ironed out...
Will Robinson: When will that be?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Uh... eventually, my boy. Eventually.
Will Robinson: What you really mean is - never, don't you, sir?

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Maj. Don West: When things go bad for no logical reason, I've always got an answer - Smith!

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: If I had the intelligence of a goose, I'd still be a genius compared to you!
Maj. Don West: Yeah, well, all that brainpower you're always talking about - it must be well-hidden because nobody ever notices it except yourself!

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Prof. John Robinson: We don't have a farm anymore.
Will Robinson: What happened to it?
Prof. John Robinson: It died of neglect!

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Maj. Don West: I don't know how the others feel, Smith, but I'm fed up to the teeth with you! Every time something goes wrong around here, you're always at the bottom of it. You're nothing but a troublemaker and the sooner we get rid of you the better off we'll all be.

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now, uh, what about a piece of delicious French pastry? Can't make up your mind?
Will Robinson: I was just thinking about Penny and Judy and everyone else.
Dr. Zachary Smith: So?
Will Robinson: It wouldn't be fair for me to have cake when they couldn't.
Dr. Zachary Smith: A noble gesture but hardly realistic.

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Maj. Don West: [harshly] What do YOU want?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now, is that a way to greet Santa Claus, particularly when he has gifts for you all?

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: We have the gift-horse. Let us not examine its mouth too closely.

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Maureen Robinson: [to John] She was listening to her tapes.
Penny Robinson: Oh, you should hear them, Dad. They're absolutely wonderful. Bach, and Mozart, and Beethoven...
Prof. John Robinson: Well, I won't argue with your choice but, uh, do you have anything there by Deceit?
Penny Robinson: Deceit? Don't think I've ever heard of THAT composer.
Prof. John Robinson: Oh, perhaps you don't recognize the name. Uh, maybe these names will help - Cheat? Lie? Trick? D'you recognize the composer or do I have to go on?

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I have the thought machine, and I can have anything I want. All I have to do is think and - POOF, heh-heh - it's mine.

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I say, Zachary, would you like a servant? Yes, Zachary, you WOULD like a servant.

  --  Wish Upon a Star [1.11]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I take it that you're thoroughly familiar with what is necessary to release that bag of wind out there.
The Robot: Thoroughly familiar with bag of wind right here.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You mean me?
The Robot: Affirmative.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Very funny.

  --  The Raft [1.12]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You people are so busy making noise and getting exactly nowhere with your ship-building activities that I've conditioned myself to hear nothing but the dinner bell.

  --  The Raft [1.12]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: But this is home.
Will Robinson: Suppose it's not. Suppose it's just another unknown planet like the one my parents are on. That means you and I are the only ones here and'll have to go on living here forever, maybe. I'll probably live a bit longer than you 'cause I'm not as old as you are.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Bully for you.

  --  The Raft [1.12]
%
Will Robinson: What'll probably happen now is, when Don lifts off and heads back to Earth, he'll probably take you with him.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You really think he will?
Will Robinson: As his prisoner.

  --  The Raft [1.12]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Maureen, what do you know about the fourth state of matter?
Maureen Robinson: The fourth state. I know there's gas, solid, liquid, and, uhm...
Prof. John Robinson: Plasma.
Maureen Robinson: Plasma. Like blood plasma.
Prof. John Robinson: Well, in a way, except that it can be extracted from ionized nuclei in electrons.

  --  The Raft [1.12]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Gratitude is not a characteristic of vegetable matter, my boy.

  --  The Raft [1.12]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I'm interested only in what is good for Zachary Smith.
Will Robinson: You're telling me?

  --  The Raft [1.12]
%
Maureen Robinson: [finding Smith has disassembled all the guns] Can you put these together again?
Dr. Zachary Smith: What exactly do you take me for, Madam, some fumble-fingered recruit?
Maureen Robinson: Frankly, yes!

  --  One of Our Dogs Is Missing [1.13]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: If you wish to spare the tender feelings of your little brood, go right ahead. I at least am willing to face the truth.
Judy Robinson: Suppose you tell us what the truth is, Dr. Smith.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Gladly. We have been through a barrage.
Judy Robinson: A barrage?
Maureen Robinson: What's going on in that devious mind of yours?
Dr. Zachary Smith: My dear madam, I can hardly expect you as a non-military female to comprehend, but it is painfully clear to me.
Judy Robinson: I'll tell you what's clear to me, Dr. Smith.
Maureen Robinson: Suppose you explain it to us.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Very well. It's a universal military tactic to lay down a barrage before launching... an invasion.

  --  One of Our Dogs Is Missing [1.13]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [as a meteor shower bombards the planet] I knew it! Doomsday!

  --  One of Our Dogs Is Missing [1.13]
%
Maureen Robinson: [examining a crater] Well, Judy, what does that look like to you?
Judy Robinson: A meteor crater.
Maureen Robinson: Penny.
Penny Robinson: What else could it be?
Maureen Robinson: Dr. Smith?
Dr. Zachary Smith: A shell hole!

  --  One of Our Dogs Is Missing [1.13]
%
[Maureen and Judy read John's speculative notes on the planet's inhabitants]
Prof. John Robinson: [voiceover] My greatest concern for our safety is the possibility of encountering mutants - creatures with no exact counterpart in nature. The giants are probably one form of mutant. I fear there may be others. They seem to grow and evolve through a process of metamorphosis, taking on new forms by absorbing all types of organic matter. Now, if this wild theory is true, any mutant we encounter may try to absorb one of us.

  --  One of Our Dogs Is Missing [1.13]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: My dear child, your mind is too young to accept all the harsh realities of life, yet I believe you should know the truth!
Judy Robinson: What truth?
Dr. Zachary Smith: That was not a dog - at least not in the sense of which we think of a dog. It was an alien spy!

  --  One of Our Dogs Is Missing [1.13]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: This is a dangerous mission. It requires brains - which naturally I can supply - but it also calls for manpower.
The Robot: In bygone days, when manpower was at a premium, it was often necessary to form a posse.
Dr. Zachary Smith: A posse, of course. Now there, again, is a truly inspired thought. The only question is, however, where can I find the men?
The Robot: Only one male remains at your disposal.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Will? Of course.

  --  One of Our Dogs Is Missing [1.13]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: As I have said many times, "Never fear, Smith is here."

  --  One of Our Dogs Is Missing [1.13]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You were going to leave me behind. You are going to leave me, aren't you?
Maj. Don West: Well, that decision is up to Prof. Robinson, but if he asks for my opinion, I'm voting to leave you here.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Maj. Don West: [seeing Smith spying on them] Judy, uh, I didn't want to scare Will but actually our fuel-to-weight ratio's going to be very critical.
Judy Robinson: What does that mean?
Maj. Don West: Well, it means that, uh, Smith will probably have to be left behind.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [to himself, observing from behind a rock] We shall see.
Judy Robinson: I thought Daddy said he was taking Dr. Smith.
Maj. Don West: [in an undertone] Shhhhh. I'm just teasing. Smith's up there behind the rock, listening.
Judy Robinson: I think that's nasty of you.
Maj. Don West: He deserved it.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Penny Robinson: Well, if you do stay, could you tend to my garden for me?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Your garden will wither and die, I can promise you THAT!

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Maureen Robinson: Will, Dr. Smith asked you to do something.
Will Robinson: He's ALWAYS asking me to do something.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Will Robinson: [having just rescued John and Don from quicksand] I'd have been here even quicker if Dr. Smith had told me you were in trouble.
Maj. Don West: Now he's in trouble.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Maj. Don West: You know, it's really a shame, Dr. Smith, but, uh, things don't look too good for you at all.
Dr. Zachary Smith: The condition you find most cheering.
Maj. Don West: [enjoying this greatly] Not at all. As a matter of fact, when I compute the fuel-to-weight ratio, which we already know is going to be very critical, I'll do my best to include us all.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [bitterly] I'm deeply touched.
Penny Robinson: Does that mean I can take the bloop?
Dr. Zachary Smith: How can you even think of taking that beast when I may have to remain?
Will Robinson: I think THE BLOOP should go!
Penny Robinson: So do I!
Maj. Don West: Well, we don't have a capsule for the bloop so, uh, that's out of the question.
Will Robinson: I'll BUILD her a capsule!
Maj. Don West: [heartily shaking hands with Will] That's a deal! You build a capsule for the bloop and she goes!
Maj. Don West: [sadly to Smith] Of course, that cuts the available weight still further. Oh, I'm sorry, Dr. Smith, but things don't look very good for you at all.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Bloop, indeed!

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now then, as I see it there are two alternatives and the choice is yours: No. 1 - we leave for Earth as planned, with me taking Judy's place on the ship.
Maureen Robinson: Well, now, you know we can't do that.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I thought not. Uh, so you choose the other alternative.
Prof. John Robinson: Exactly what is the other alternative?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Major West pilots me back to Earth, and your charming little family can stay here bathed in togetherness. When I am safely away, I will radio where Judy is.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Duplicate Judy: I'm sure you are aware, as Dr. Smith is, that we, the plants, are capable of reproducing an image of... anything. I am simply such an image.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
[Don sees to it that Smith is banished from camp, with the suggestion that they might leave him behind once there's enough fuel for takeoff]
Dr. Zachary Smith: You'll regret this, Major, I promise you. Remember I warned you. If you don't take me with you, no one will go.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Don't dawdle, don't dawdle.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Will Robinson: My father doesn't lie.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, sometimes it's easier not to speak the whole truth.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: When I decided to set up my camp in this lovely little garden, I started unpacking. I placed my shaving kit on this rock, thusly. I turned back to continue with my unpacking when suddenly I heard...
[a strange echoey sound is heard]
Dr. Zachary Smith: ...THAT. I turned back. I saw the plant moving toward my shaving kit, just as it is now. Thinking the infernal thing was going to engulf my kit, I tried to grab it. For a moment I was nonplussed, torn between fear of this vegetatious monster and the prospect of the loss of my shaving kit; but, fearlessly I made my decision. I grabbed the thief, forced it open, and plucked my shaving kit from its greedy mouth. I chanced to glance back inside the pod, and do you know what I saw? The plant had created an exact duplicate of my shaving kit. It was, my dear, boy, a truly marvelous discovery.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Prof. John Robinson: He tricked you, Will. He gave you this fake and kept the real deutronium.
Will Robinson: But why?
Maj. Don West: Because he knows we can't go back to Earth unless we have enough deutronium, and he's trying to blackmail us into taking him, but what he doesn't know, Will, is that while you were gone we found our last little pocket in that vein and already have enough deutronium without his canister.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I've come prepared to strike a bargain.
Prof. John Robinson: A bargain? Well, that's very decent of you but, uh, why should I bargain with you, and over what?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Over deutronium, those precious little grains of fuel that will take us away from this beleaguered planet.
Prof. John Robinson: Well, we don't need your deutronium.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I'm aware of that, but surely an extra can will guarantee a safe departure.
Prof. John Robinson: Yes, I suppose it might.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Good. Now we come to the bargaining part.
Prof. John Robinson: Which is...
Dr. Zachary Smith: Will the extra can of deutronium also guarantee that I will be included in the ship's company when you depart?
Prof. John Robinson: Ah, I thought it would be that. The answer, Dr. Smith, is that we'll take you along if it's humanly possible. Now, considering your recent behavior, I'd say that's... more than fair.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Good heavens! They feed on deutronium!

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Will Robinson: Too bad you couldn't find the deutronium, Dr. Smith, but you shouldn't have tried to trick me.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I didn't just try, I succeeded. Let's not forget that!

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: But where are the rest of our happy little group? Don't tell me we have some stay-a-beds in our midst.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: All right, gentlemen, there's no room for goldbricking in this operation. Let's get on with it, shall we?

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Zachary Smith draws the line at carrying rocks for animals.

  --  Attack of the Monster Plants [1.14]
%
The Robot: Dr. Smith has always been a loyal and self-sacrificing member of the Jupiter 2 crew. He is incapable of telling the truth.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, very good. What did you say?
The Robot: Imperative that I do not aban...
Dr. Zachary Smith: [switching off the robot] You're wearing my patience very thin. You will erase that last statement and correct it to read: "Dr. Smith is incapable of telling a lie." Repeat.
[Smith switches robot back on]
The Robot: Dr. Smith is incapable.
Dr. Zachary Smith: "OF TELLING A LIE," you ninny! Finish it!

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Will Robinson: Try something off-beat.
The Robot: "Off-beat" does not computer.
Will Robinson: How 'bout "way-out?"

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You and I will never be friends, Major.
Maj. Don West: That is the first logical assumption you've ever made.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Will Robinson: [to himself after Prof. Robinson declares he'll destroy the alien matter transfer device in the morning] I don't see why they have to destroy it. It's not doin' THEM any harm. It can do just about anything, maybe even transfer me. I might not get back. Maybe the robot... maybe he could command it to send me to Earth, and maybe I could get back by reversing the signals. Gosh, I could tell 'em we're alive and where we are and everything - at least close enough for them to make a stab at finding us with a rescue ship. I'm not gonna be doin' anything with it, not unless I can figure a way to stop them from burning it.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Davey Sims: Uh, Aunt Clara, she was talking about having you stay with us. Like... like permanent.
Will Robinson: Well, whatever she said was wrong. When Alpha Control finds out how you kept me here, I wouldn't be surprised if they put you away for life.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Will Robinson: Well, I've been on Earth all morning in a little place called Hatfield Four Corners in Vermont. They sure are behind the times there. They wouldn't even let me call Alpha Control to send a rescue ship. They thought I was some kind of nut.
Maureen Robinson: Oh, Will, I think you'd better watch that imagination of yours or we might all think the same thing.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Go away, Major. You irk me.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, I'd like you to explain just what you're doing here.
The Robot: All systems preempted. Fixed position must be maintained.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Really? Well, I've got a little work for you that's far more important than experimenting with celery salad or whatever it is that boy's got you doing. Follow me.
The Robot: Imperative that I do not abandon my station. Repeat. Imperative. At 1200 hours initiate signal to matter-transfer unit to return subject to original form and location.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Never mind all that nonsense. You're coming with me.
The Robot: Imperative that I do not abandon my...
Dr. Zachary Smith: [yanking out Robot's power pack and holding it up] That is a little 'imperative' you didn't bargain for.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Davey Sims: Why don't you just come over to my house and you can phone your mother from there?
Will Robinson: My mother's at least ten light years from here. So's the rest of my family.
Davey Sims: Oh, your "mother's at least ten light years from here." You know, you kids are getting wackier every day.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Aunt Clara Sims: You must have been very hungry.
Will Robinson: Not exactly, but we're on short rations on Priplanus on account of something went wrong with the food storage purifier.
Aunt Clara Sims: Oh, that is a shame.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Theodore: All right, Jupiter, what's a stellar interferometer?
Will Robinson: It's an instrument for measuring the diameter of the stars.
Theodore: All right, how many miles in a parsec?
Will Robinson: Nineteen million one-hundred and fifty thousand.
First Boy: Hey, how far is it to Alpha Centauri?
Will Robinson: 5.3 light years.
Theodore: Well, he coulda learned all that stuff from a comic book.
Will Robinson: Except I didn't. And I'll bet you don't even know what a Doppler effect is.
Theodore: Well, sure I do, it's... it's kind of a rainbow.
Will Robinson: You call THAT a scientific answer? He got THAT from a comic book.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Out of the way. I am being summoned.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ahh. Now then my dear friend. I should like to hear a brief, but compelling statement on the sterling character of one Zachary Smith.
The Robot: Does not compute.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Spare me the editorial comments.
The Robot: It is now 1142 hours by Earth time.
[Backs away from Smith]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, no, you don't. Oh!
The Robot: [Fires electric bolts near Smith as a warning] Imperative that I do not abandon my station. At 1200 hours, initiate signal to return subject to original form and location.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You will scrub that and pay attention to me, do you hear?
[Yelps as Robot fires warning blast again]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Come back here at once! That's an order.
[Runs after Robot]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Come back at once! This is an order!

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Davey Sims: Hey, what'd ya mean when you said "you just got here?" I've been here for a half hour and I didn't see ya - unless you were up there hiding waitin' to dump snow on me.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Newsman Lacy: I'm going to urge parents to make sure that their children don't take this science-fiction that they've been reading too seriously. It could have mighty serious consequences if a boy really believes that he's from outer space.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
Will Robinson: Will I be able to make my phone call soon?
Sheriff George Baxendale: Hey, don't you worry, sonny. Where they're gonna take you you'll get to do a lot of things.

  --  Return from Outer Space [1.15]
%
The Keeper: What a handsome pair of specimens you are.
Maj. Don West: I wish you wouldn't refer to us as animals. We're intelligent beings.
The Keeper: You're entitled to your opinion, of course.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: When I was a child I, too, thought like a child, but when I became a man, I had to think like a man.
Will Robinson: I don't think it matters WHAT age you are: if you're dishonest you're dishonest, and that's all there is to it.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Will Robinson: How do you like it?
Penny Robinson: Before I answer, you better tell me what it is.
Will Robinson: Didn't you ever read Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn? It's a slingshot. Back in the eighteen and nineteenth century almost every boy made one of these.
Penny Robinson: What for?
Will Robinson: To carry with his penknife and marbles, I guess.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
The Keeper: In all the galaxy no animals have given me as much trouble as yourselves. Is this thing you call freedom so precious?
Prof. John Robinson: In our world since the beginning of time, men and women have fought and died for it.
The Keeper: Foolish, foolish creatures.
Maj. Don West: Maybe so, but it's what sets us apart from all the others.
The Keeper: You are not worth further efforts on my part.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Tell us about the cage.
The Robot: Special thermo-genetic unit adjusts to the biological need of each imprisoned animal.
Maj. Don West: What's the range of temperature?
The Robot: From 300° above zero to 150° below zero.
Prof. John Robinson: What sort of animals live at those temperatures?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I hope we never have the misfortune to find out.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Maj. Don West: How do you know who we are?
The Keeper: You are not alone in space. All the planets have eyes.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
The Keeper: I have found some animals from planet Earth. They would make an interesting addition to our collection.
Lighted Head Leader: Then select the two best specimens.
The Keeper: Unfortunately Earth people live by reason as well as by instinct. My staff has no power over them.
Lighted Head Leader: Are you sure?
The Keeper: A man named Smith is the only exception. A poor specimen. There're also two children.
Lighted Head Leader: Will your staff exercise control over them?
The Keeper: I hesitate to use my staff for fear of damaging them, but perhaps I could get them by other means.
Lighted Head Leader: Very well, then. You may proceed.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: All we need to do is to have the Keeper allow us to come aboard his spaceship. I said before, there are seven of us. It would be a simple matter.
Maureen Robinson: No! Absolutely no!
Dr. Zachary Smith: I understand your objections, Mrs. Robinson, but sometimes violence is a necessity.
Maureen Robinson: Well, Dr. Smith, no matter how much I want to get off this planet, I won't resort to violence to do so.
Dr. Zachary Smith: In this situation, the end more than amply justifies the means.
Prof. John Robinson: Well, not to me it doesn't, and unless I'm badly mistaken, not to anyone else at this table, and that concludes the matter.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
The Keeper: Sorry to startle you, children. I've been around animals so long I've begun to move as quietly as they do.
Will Robinson: We were concentrating hard on our work or we would have heard you.
The Keeper: I'm sure you would have. The young have very sharp ears.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Will Robinson: Are you out hunting for animals, Mr. Keeper?
The Keeper: In a manner of speaking, yes.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
The Keeper: I see you've changed your minds about leaving.
Will Robinson: [mesmerized] We're sorry, sir. We really want to stay with you.
Penny Robinson: [mesmerized] For always, Mr. Keeper. Always.
The Keeper: And so you shall, for always.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I want to talk to you, sir.
The Keeper: What could you say that would be of interest to me?
Dr. Zachary Smith: How would you like to add some new animals to your collection?
The Keeper: Are you referring to members of the Robinson party?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Certainly not, sir. I assure you they are a very poor selection indeed. But it's an entirely different story on Earth. The planet literally swarms with all sorts of strange creatures.
The Keeper: [wearied] Yes, I'm beginning to realize that.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Prof. John Robinson: [about to lock Smith in his cabin for the night] Hey, Dr. Smith, I think you'd better get inside. Don, you take the first watch.
Maj. Don West: All right.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Very well, I'll go, but I know I shan't sleep a wink. I'll need something to read.
Prof. John Robinson: [enthusiastically] Well, we'll get you a book.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I'm thirsty.
Prof. John Robinson: And a glass of water.
Dr. Zachary Smith: A little music might help to pass the time.
Prof. John Robinson: Oh. Well, you can have one of Penny's tapes.
Dr. Zachary Smith: And I'd like the robot to keep me company.
Prof. John Robinson: [shoving Smith in his cabin] Get inside!
Dr. Zachary Smith: [affronted] Really!

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I'm still in my cage, madam. I've just been fed, so I am not dangerous. You may open the door.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
The Keeper: Now go before my anger clouds my judgment and I destroy you.

  --  The Keeper: Part 1 [1.16]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Since all The Keeper's animals have been released, he now has plenty of room for passengers. Perhaps we can persuade him to take us back to Earth. After all, what else can he do?
The Robot: Destroy all of us for what you have done.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What "I" have done? Now you listen to me, you ungrateful wretch. You will erase that from your memory banks. He must never know we were responsible.
The Robot: Not "we," "you."

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
Prof. John Robinson: I was hoping you'd show up.
The Keeper: Were you?
Prof. John Robinson: If you hadn't come to see us, I'd have come to see you.
The Keeper: You're either a good liar, Prof. Robinson, or you are innocent. I intend to find out which.
Maj. Don West: Now, wait a minute...
The Keeper: Silence! You try my patience. I should destroy all of you now, reduce you to pitiful grains of dust which the winds would blow away across the wasteland of this planet.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I'm sure the young man meant no harm. Uh, let us all try to keep our tempers and act like intelligent beings.
The Keeper: "Intelligent beings" - you flatter yourself. You are less than the insects which I crush beneath my heal as I walk.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
The Keeper: You have released hundreds of animals. They will eventually take over this planet. You will not be able to perform the most simple task outside without being exposed to danger.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You will HAVE to take us back to Earth now, won't you? It wouldn't be humane to leave us here to die.
The Keeper: You not only act like a fool you talk like one.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
The Keeper: How shall I punish you? I could put you in one of my cages with this information on the door: "Foolish Earth man, low intelligence level, has little regard or loyalty to its kind. Specimen must be regarded as the worst example of its species."

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: For one so young you have an old memory.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
The Keeper: All the animals are safely in their cages on my spaceship - all except one. As a reminder of my visit here, I am leaving this creature with you.
Maj. Don West: We've had enough trouble with your monsters. Take 'em away.
The Keeper: No. It is a fitting punishment for the trouble you have caused me.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: An intelligent conversation with one's self is so much more rewarding than a discussion with a dolt.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Safely aboard. You will take off immediately.
The Robot: I will need time to study the controls.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You may have exactly five seconds. Well? What are you waiting for?
The Robot: I must scan and compute control systems. I do not wish to make an error.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You always have to make a problem out of everything, don't you? It's all perfectly simple. This one probably starts the power system.
The Robot: Warning. Do not tamper with alien controls.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Nonsense. Any one of these could whisk us away from here.
[Touches control and hears ominous sound]
Dr. Zachary Smith: I wonder what that was.
[Touches another control and door opens, loud growling heard]
Dr. Zachary Smith: I think I may have done something wrong. Come along.
[Dr. Smith and the Robot leave the ship]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, come along! Come along, you ninny! It's all your fault, you tin-plated fool. We missed a golden opportunity to leave this miserable planet!
The Robot: Danger! Extreme danger! All creatures escaping!
[Growling as creatures escape down the ramp]
Dr. Zachary Smith: No!
[Smith and the Robot watch as dozens of creatures escape. A gigantic owl-like creature swoops down and advances towards Smith, who screams]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Do something you fool! Don't just stand there!
[Robot blasts creature with laser beam and it disintegrates]
The Robot: Immediate danger has passed. Period of reasonable safety will ensure.
Dr. Zachary Smith: 'Reasonable safety' isn't good enough for me. Let's get back to complete safety of the Jupiter 2.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
The Keeper: You are to give me the children, Penny and Will. If not, I will leave you at the mercy of the animals.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
Maureen Robinson: Aren't you forgetting a small ingredient for happiness known as love?
The Keeper: You're talking about an emotion common to Earth people. Fortunately, I do not suffer from this weakness.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
The Keeper: You deserve to be punished after what you have done.
Dr. Zachary Smith: But I didn't turn your animals loose for myself. It was for everyone!
The Keeper: Your sincerity has the hollowness of a lie. What a miserable creature you are, but I have need of you.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
The Keeper: I have issued an ultimatum to the Earth people. They are to give me the two Earth children or I will not return the animals to their cages.
Lighted Head Leader: Is this wise?
The Keeper: I am fully aware that I will lose some of my animals, but the Earth children are unique specimens and well worth the loss.
Lighted Head Leader: Very well. You may continue; however, you must not let your desire for these Earth children supersede all else. You have many rare specimens and they must be protected.
The Keeper: I will remember.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
Will Robinson: The forcefield is still on.
Penny Robinson: That only stops people coming in, not going out.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
The Keeper: After what I have done you can still show kindness to me? You are indeed unusual creatures.

  --  The Keeper: Part 2 [1.17]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now listen carefully. There's a very dangerous man on the hill with the boy. He's going to kill all of us unless you kill him first.
The Robot: The Prime Directive forbids taking human life.
Dr. Zachary Smith: The Directive is canceled. Now, get on with it!
The Robot: Then I will follow your orders.
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: [Speaking to Will] Boy, you take a look and see if that there Smith feller is on his way back yet.
[Sees the Robot advancing]
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Balls of fire! It's a man of tin.
[Robot fires energy blast at Tucker]
Will Robinson: Look out!
[Robot blasts again]
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Why, that there hunk of walkin' wash boiler!
Will Robinson: We'd better run, Mr. Tucker.
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Run, is it?
[Whistles loudly and the robot's power pack is instantly transported into Tucker's hands]

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Now, then, you say after me: I swear...
Will Robinson: I swear...
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: ...By this here blood...
Will Robinson: ...By this here blood...
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: ...And all the molderin' bones of every pirate ever took this oath...
Will Robinson: ...And all the molderin' bones of every pirate that ever took this oath...
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: ...That I will be true and faithful to the articles.
Will Robinson: ...That I will be true and faithful to the articles.
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: And, eh, if I ever break this oath...
Will Robinson: And if I ever break this oath...
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: ...I hope I fall down dead in my tracks and rot...
Will Robinson: ...I hope...
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Eh...
Will Robinson: ...I fall down dead in my tracks and rot...
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: ...So help me.
Will Robinson: ...S-so help me.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
The Robot: Warning. Warning. Situation dangerous. Red alert. Red alert.
Will Robinson: Captain Tucker! What's that?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: That's the thing from Cygnet Four.
Maureen Robinson: John? I think I understand now why there was only darkness when Will thought of us. This is the end, tonight, here. Right now. There won't be any tomorrows.
Prof. John Robinson: Not yet. We've still got the Robot.
[to Smith]
Prof. John Robinson: Tell him to go out there and try to stop that thing.
Dr. Zachary Smith: It's no use. We're all doomed.
Prof. John Robinson: Do it!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Come here! That thing out there - what is it? What can you do about it? Can you stop it?
The Robot: In order of questions asked - One: It does not compute. Two: I can perform any function of an environmental control nature, as well as...
Dr. Zachary Smith: I know that. Get to the point.
The Robot: Three: Since alien life-form does not compute, this question can only be answered by trial-and-error method.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, don't just stand there. Go out and try!
Prof. John Robinson: Maybe the force field will hold it. It's coming through the force field!
[the Robot fires one blast of energy at the creature, which has no effect]

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: In a trice I shall be ready to fight my weight in tigers.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Will Robinson: [about Dr. Smith's unconsciousness] What happened to him?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, danged if I know. He took one look at me, he yelled and right up and fainted. Delicate kind of a cuss, ain't he?

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: You ask anyone about Alonzo P. Tucker, they'll tell you he ain't got a shred of harm in 'im.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Come down here and let's see what we got a hold o' here. Ah-ehh. Ehh. Ehh, looks like a scrubby boy. Talks like a scrubby boy. Acts like a scrubby boy - but I'll bet you ain't a scrubby boy!
Will Robinson: You bet I'm not.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Oh, now, you are a rascal.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Will Robinson: Why did you become a pirate?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: What's wrong with bein' a pirate?
Will Robinson: It's wrong. That's all.
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, now, that depends on what kind of a pirate.
Will Robinson: S'there more than one kind?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Course there are.
Will Robinson: What kind of pirate are you?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Nyeh... Well... I'm an HONEST pirate.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Will Robinson: You mean, you've got a treasure?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, now, course I got a treasure. Every self-respecting pirate's got a treasure, and mine's big as any of 'em.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: I'm gonna have to tie ya up, I'm afraid.
Will Robinson: Tie me up?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, you're my prisoner, ain't cha? How'm I gonna get a good night's sleep with a prisoner a runnin' around loose?
Will Robinson: Even if I promise I won't run away?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Promises, heh-heh... Unless, ah... No, no. No, you wouldn't wanna do that there, even if it meant that you wouldn't have to be tied up all night with maybe a loss of circulation 'n' cramps 'n' sickness and such.
Will Robinson: Wouldn't want to do what?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Take the pirate's oath. Eh... No! No, I... I wouldn't ask you to do that, nice boy like you. No! I bet you go to Sunday school and things like that back where you came from. No, I wouldn't dare ask you to do anythin' so awful and so blood-curdling and terrible as take the pirate's oath, ehh.
Will Robinson: Well, maybe you could just give me a little one.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
[Capt. Tucker gives the Robinsons a proposition to think over in exchange for Will's safe return]
Prof. John Robinson: How much time do I have?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Eh... Well, now, Skipper, take all the time you want. Take an hour.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Professor Robinson gives his word that he will carry out the terms of the agreement and you will not be molested.
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: He gives his word, ay? Would you take it if you were me?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Certainly not.
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, now, that there's good enough for me. You go back there and tell 'im it's a bargain.
Dr. Zachary Smith: But I don't understand. I advised you to do the op...
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: I figure a feller can't go wrong if he listens to your advice and does exactly the opposite.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
[Will is finally returned to camp but is nonchalant about his return]
Maureen Robinson: Well, did you see that? Why-why he couldn't care less about being home.
Prof. John Robinson: Well, now, take it easy, Maureen.
Maureen Robinson: Take it EASY? Look, that's not our son. That's not Will. That's a complete stranger.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Maj. Don West: [examining Tucker's ship] I've never seen a drive like this, uh... What's the principle of it?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, I wouldn't know that. I just push buttons to make 'er go. Well, now, course, I can, now, make simple repairs, but that's about all.
Prof. John Robinson: Well, what, uh... what happens when you push the buttons?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: When I push the buttons? Why, then, she begins a-shackin' and a-quiverin', and I begin a-shakin' and a-quiverin' - inside I mean, like I ate too many green apples - and then all of a sudden she goes ZOOM and the stars go out. They come back on when I get where I'm goin'.
Maj. Don West: A starship.
Prof. John Robinson: Hyper-spacedrive.
Maj. Don West: Faster than light.
Prof. John Robinson: Measures speed in parsecs.
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Eh, now you just hold on, buckos. I don't know what's on your mind, but we've got a bargain, remember.
Prof. John Robinson: With this ship we could get back to Earth in seconds.
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: It ain't big enough.
Maj. Don West: We could shuttle back and forth. The best brains on Earth could dismantle it, find the secret of its drive. We'd have starships that could reach the further regions of the galaxy.
Prof. John Robinson: The UNIVERSE! HOW 'BOUT IT, TUCKER?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, now... I'm just gonna have to THINK about that, heh-heh.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, the pain, the pain.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Will Robinson: What are we hiding from, Capt. Tucker?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, I guess you'd call it a thing. Uh, it's from Signet Four.
Will Robinson: What kind of thing?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Oh, oh, arr, it's just too awful to describe.
Will Robinson: Why don't you just blast it with your nucleonic planet buster?
Captain Alonzo P. Tucker: Oh! Oh, yes. Of course, yeah. Yes, of course... my nucleonic planet buster. I... That's right. Maybe I will.

  --  The Sky Pirate [1.18]
%
Maureen Robinson: You know, when I was a little girl, we found a Ouija board up in my grandmother's attic. Trouble was, nobody know how... what to do with it, even my grandmother. I'm afraid it's quite obsolete in the world of computers.
Maj. Don West: Uh, so's Dr. Smith, but then, again, I'm not sure what world he really belongs in.

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
The Robot: Warning! Warning!
Prof. John Robinson: I want an immediate reading on the object.
The Robot: Composition of object: does not compute. Genetic code: indecipherable.
Prof. John Robinson: Can you locate its position?
The Robot: Due north by horizontal bearing. Distance by velocity of light:...
Maj. Don West: Velocity of light?
The Robot: ...Sixty-five meters.

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Bring your resources to bear and describe what is out there.
The Robot: Invisible, indestructible, irresistible.

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Maj. Don West: You put the blasting pack in the hole marked with the arrow?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, indeed I did.
Maj. Don West: Uh-huh. And you put the metal capping back on the hole before you left.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Naturally. That's S.O.P. for all blasting operations.
Maj. Don West: [angry] There IS no arrow, and no metal capping. Now, what did you do with the explosives! I want the truth!

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Maj. Don West: I wanna tell you one thing, Smith: I promise you that bog may be off-limits to everyone else, but from now on you're going to be swimming in it every night looking for your three-toed uncle!

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Uncle Thaddeus, you stop that this minute!
Dr. Zachary Smith: [seeing Don aim his laser rifle] What are you doing to him?
Maj. Don West: What's he doing to US?
[Smith pulls Don's laser rifle away]
Maj. Don West: What'd you do that for?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I don't want you to hurt Uncle Thaddeus.
Maj. Don West: It's not your Uncle Thaddeus, you idiot! It's something you started by ditching that explosive in the...
[cut off by an invisible punch, knocking Don backwards]

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
The Robot: Warning! Warning! Unidentified object caught in trap. Warning! Unidentified object caught in trap. Unidentified object exerting full power to get out of trap. Warning! Warning! Unidentified object exerting full power to get out of trap. Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now you've done it! You've given the powers of darkness an open invitation to destroy us all!

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
[the monster is caught but still invisible]
Maj. Don West: [shouting] For once and for all, Smith, why don't you get it through your thick head that what's in there is NOT your Uncle Thaddeus!
Dr. Zachary Smith: [outraged] Yes, I know, Major! It's mass and energy and similar figments of your nuclear imagination - and if you choose to believe that humbug, you go right ahead and do it! Oh, the ignorance of science!

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [on his way to the bog to placate the spirit of Uncle Thaddeus] Oh, oh, oh, the dangers I face for that family!

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [wondering how to placate the scary form standing before them] This garlic will probably do the trick.
Will Robinson: [holding his nose] What do you want me to do with it?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Wave it in front of him and repeat after me: Oh, ye herb of evil odor...
Will Robinson: Oh, ye herb of evil odor...
Dr. Zachary Smith: ...Unite with the demons who possess this spirit and render them harmless.
Will Robinson: ...Unite with the demons who possess this spirit and...
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well? Go on! Go on!
Will Robinson: I don't think that's a spirit at all.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What?
Will Robinson: I think it's a dead tree.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [as Will approaches the tree] Don't get too close.
Will Robinson: I'm right. It IS a tree.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [angrily to the tree] Impostor!

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Is Will with you?
Dr. Zachary Smith: [believing Will drowned] He will always be with me.
Prof. John Robinson: Never mind that! Where is he now?
Dr. Zachary Smith: It was a fateful journey, one of which I was prepared to sacrifice myself if need be to save you all.
Prof. John Robinson: Where... is... he?
Dr. Zachary Smith: The bog. The... bog.

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: From now on I shall devote the rest of my life to the service of my fellow man with no thought of self. That brave little boy shall not have died in vain. A new Zachary Smith shall burst upon the world with a...
Dr. Zachary Smith: [turns and sees Will] NAHHH! On, no! No, not so soon! You can't materialize until I've raised you, and I don't even have my Ouija board.
Will Robinson: But, Dr. Smith...
Dr. Zachary Smith: Haunt me not, oh spirit! I have already repented, I swear to you!
Will Robinson: I'm not a spirit, Dr. Smith. I'm just me.

  --  Ghost in Space [1.19]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Where are you, you miserable mass of metal?

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Robot: [to Dr. Smith] Object fish has eluded capture.
Will Robinson: He got away, sir.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Not even the greatest expert could have landed that monster. He must have weighed a hundred pounds.
Will Robinson: ALL your fish got away.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Are you suggesting my failure is due to a lack of ability?
Will Robinson: Well, you're the only one who didn't catch anything.
The Robot: As you have said, "The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Will Robinson: What's wrong with you today? Your audio unit gone bad? I mean, I have to ask you everything three times before you obey.
The Robot: I compute you well.
Will Robinson: Then what's wrong?
The Robot: This project is extremely dangerous.
Will Robinson: NOW, LOOK! I'M NOT GONNA GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN! I'M GONNA GET THIS ROBOT FIXED AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!
The Robot: Correction: not robot - robotoid.
Will Robinson: Now, look. Who cares WHAT it's called. All I wanna do is get it working.
The Robot: A robot is a machine which performs as programmed. A robotoid is a machine that goes beyond programming. It has a free choice: good, bad, wrong, right, slow, fast, hot, cold, loud...
Will Robinson: All right. All right. Just forget it. FOR-get it.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Robot: [to the lifeless robotoid] I am not fooled by your silence. You are aware. You have been aware ever since your fusion unit was refined two days ago. You can not hide from me like you do others. Do you wish to speak? Very well. Then I will do what I must.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Spare the punishment and spoil the robot? Is that what you want, sir?
Prof. John Robinson: We're dealing with a machine, not a child.
Will Robinson: The way HE'S been acting lately, I'm not so sure.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Maj. Don West: Why would you want to destroy the robotoid?
The Robot: I do not like it.
Prof. John Robinson: Hate is not an emotion you possess.
The Robot: I do not LIKE it.
Maj. Don West: The robotoid doesn't represent any danger to you.
The Robot: I repeat, I... do... not... like it!

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Robot: Stop, William Robinson. I will accompany you. You may need protection.
Will Robinson: I'm big enough to take care of myself.
The Robot: True, but I am a little bigger.
Will Robinson: Well, maybe a few inches or so.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Robotoid: It is time we talked.
The Robot: Proceed.
Robotoid: Now that I have full operational capabilities, your services will no longer be required.
The Robot: I am needed by the Robinsons. I was also here first.
Robotoid: The principle of first come first served is an old-fashioned concept.
The Robot: My programming has been extensive. My memory banks contain much knowledge.
Robotoid: In comparison to myself, you are very ignorant.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Maureen Robinson: I know that robots don't have any feelings, but it's almost as though when he found out that we didn't need him anymore, he left us, almost to destroy himself deliberately.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Robot: You forget that a robot has no heart. I am only wires and cold metal parts.
Will Robinson: But the robotoid has everyone a prisoner in the Jupiter 2, and he's sending for some aliens to come and take them away. We need your help.
The Robot: It does not compute.
Will Robinson: Yes, it does! You just don't wanna listen!
The Robot: The Robinsons are no longer my responsibility. They are no longer my family.
Will Robinson: Well, what about Dr. Smith? I know you wanna help him.
The Robot: Dr. Smith has rejected me most of all. I will go now.
Will Robinson: No, wait! I'm your friend. You know that. Help them for me.
The Robot: You are my friend, Will. What do you wish done?
Will Robinson: You've got to deactivate the alien robot.
The Robot: That is a task more easily suggested than accomplished.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Robot: I am only the end result of those who programmed me.
Prof. John Robinson: Well, that may be true, but there's something more, too. Something that doesn't make sense. You're more than a machine.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Robot: [repeating this to himself] I am not jealous. It is a human emotion.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Dog-faced Alien: It has been many decades since we left the planet. We presumed you to be lost.
Robotoid: Until recently I was without full power. An Earth boy has enabled me to function fully again.
Dog-faced Alien: So, now Earth people are on the planet, hmm?
Robotoid: Several. Are you interested in them?
Dog-faced Alien: Yes, indeed! We have great need for new subjects for our experiments.
Robotoid: I was sure you would be. I have already taken steps to secure them for you, master.
Dog-faced Alien: Very good. You have acted with foresight and vision, as always.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Maj. Don West: What's 'e matter, Smith? You too light for heavy work or too heavy for light work?

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now you listen to me, you fugitive from a junk heap: when a question is asked, you will answer.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Robot: Do you need any help, Dr. Smith?
Dr. Zachary Smith: [cruelly] There are many things which need to be done, but, unfortunately, you are incapable of doing any of them.
The Robot: No one requires my services anymore.
Dr. Zachary Smith: An astute observation. You, sir, have reached the end of the line. The joyride is over. I had planned to redesign you possibly into a pleasure vehicle, but I think you would be substandard even as that.
The Robot: What is my course of action?
Dr. Zachary Smith: A quick departure seems a very good choice.
The Robot: Are you sure there is no other solution?
Dr. Zachary Smith: None whatsoever, goodbye.
The Robot: Then I will go. Say goodbye to the others for me?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I will, goodbye.
The Robot: Especially Will.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Yes-yes-yes, goodbye.
The Robot: Fair well, Dr. Smith.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I detest drawn out departures. Go and get it over with.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
Robotoid: My efforts have been successful. The Earthlings are harmless.
Dog-faced Alien: We shall leave immediately to get them.
Robotoid: I will send out a homing signal which will lead you to the planet.
Dog-faced Alien: That is very good. We will need the homing signal to find you and the planet.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Robot: I owe no loyalty to these Earth people. They are not of my own kind. We are alike. We must work together.

  --  War of the Robots [1.20]
%
The Boy: I thought you were something different and you're just a girl.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Come back here you simian-simpleton! Come back here at once, do you hear?

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Penny Robinson: Oh, I'm sorry, Dr. Smith. Did I scare you?
Dr. Zachary Smith: No, my child. That's already been done.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Sunstroke, cosmic psychosis, what difference does it make what I've got? Oh, for such a thing to strike now, to strike the finest mind in the universe, to strike me at my very richest moment. Oh, go away, child, and leave me in peace.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, dear, I'm even sicker than I thought. I have cosmic fever. Oh, dear.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
The Boy: I used to have this cat, and she used to go out and bring all kind of things back, and then, one time, she met this tomcat on the other side. I haven't seen her since.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
The Boy: Stay here. Forever isn't such a long time. You'll like it and you'll never have to grow old.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
The Boy: This isn't really a world. I just said that. You see, everybody's got a world, but this is a dimension, which is much better than a world. Anyone can tell you that.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Prof. John Robinson: [as the cosmic storm subsides] That frame... it looks like metal. Lucky it wasn't hit. You see, we have no idea of knowing what cosmic bolts do to strange metals.
Dr. Zachary Smith: But it's only, uh, worthless tin and lead, mighty poor conductors.
Prof. John Robinson: With alien materials, all sorts of strange changes can occur, mysterious forces released.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Maj. Don West: Uh, what're you looking for?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Uh... my, uh... my heating pad. I loaned it to Mrs. Robinson the other day. She seems to have mislaid it.
Maj. Don West: Well, that's all right because I got something that'll fix your back up just great.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, good.
Maj. Don West: Yeah, it's an old-fashioned restorative instrument.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ah, yes.
Maj. Don West: You will just love this. This is exactly what you need. A shovel.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Maj. Don West: Last night, Dr. Smith, we almost lost our lives because of you, so you're gonna make up for it.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Judy Robinson: A full-length mirror, just what we needed. Which reminds me, you promised to help me fix my hair.
Penny Robinson: Oh, no. Not again.
Judy Robinson: Thought I'd try it a little bit higher on top with perhaps a softer curl.
Penny Robinson: You and your hairdos. I'm gonna cut all my hair off, just like Will's.
Judy Robinson: Go ahead. Be ugly. Who cares?

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Judy Robinson: I wish you'd fix yourself up once in awhile. I don't like to see you going around, well, acting like a boy. You know what I mean.
Penny Robinson: What's wrong with boys?
Judy Robinson: Well, nothing, but you could be so beautiful.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Maj. Don West: Judy? What's the matter with Penny?
Judy Robinson: She's not crying, is she?
Maj. Don West: No, she's just lost to the world. I asked her what time it was and she said "Maybe I left it in the control room."

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Penny Robinson: Who are you?
The Boy: Who do you want me to be?

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: There is definitely something wrong with this thermometer.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Penny Robinson: I thought you said you cleaned it up a little.
The Boy: Well, I DID! All except the dirt, and that doesn't hurt anybody.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
The Boy: In here you don't have to wash your face. You don't have to brush your teeth. You don't have to do anything 'cept have fun.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [sweetly] Can you hear me, Penny dear? You know that was a dreadful thing you did to me, making me think I was sick and seeing things, but I'll forgive you. You can come out of your hiding place now.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [suddenly angry and threatening] Come out of here; I'm warning you!

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: This is not magic. This is reality.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
The Boy: Penny, how did he get in here? D'you let him in here?
Dr. Zachary Smith: No-no, of course not, my boy. I'm the one who let YOU in. Don't you understand?
The Boy: He's goofy.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Penny Robinson: Dr. Smith, there's an awful beast running around here.
Dr. Zachary Smith: A beast? Yes, of course. I WOULD think of something like that, wouldn't I?
Penny Robinson: Dr. Smith, do you feel all right?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Yes, I do, surprisingly enough. Ohhh. What a fascinating place I've created here for you.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now-now, my dear. There's noting to be frightened of. You're not really here. And neither is he.

  --  The Magic Mirror [1.21]
%
Quano: My father likes men who are strong and silent.
The Ruler: It would seem that Dr. Smith has none of these admirable qualities.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: I do not care who you are. You are enemies.
Maj. Don West: No, we're not - unless you insist on it.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: What, may I ask, are you staring at?
Quano: I was wondering if you are a typical specimen of the Earth people.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Typical? I? Certainly not! I have a great deal more intelligence.
Quano: Then you Earthlings, indeed, are a sorry lot - weak and full of vanity.
Maj. Don West: Now, THERE'S the best description of Smith I've EVER heard.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: Except for my father, I am answerable to no one.
Maureen Robinson: What about your mother? Doesn't SHE have a say in your upbringing?
Quano: She always bows to the wishes of my father.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Is your father with you?
Quano: No. He is The Ruler. He is too busy.
Maj. Don West: What does that mean, Quano? "He's the ruler?"
Quano: In your world there are presidents, kings and dictators. In mine there is only one - The Ruler.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Are you telling us that... your father is the... the LEADER of your planet?
Quano: My command will be law.
Maj. Don West: Well, what do you know? We're entertaining royalty.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: [to Will] You do the work of WOMEN! You should be ashamed!

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Penny Robinson: Oh, that horrid, little boy!
Prof. John Robinson: Well, I don't think Quano'd mind being called "horrid," but I think he'd object most strenuously to being called a little boy.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: You are weak and soft, like all boys of your planet.
Will Robinson: Maybe you'd like to find out how weak and soft I am.
Quano: Nothing would please me more.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Are you laughing at me, you bubble-headed booby?

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
The Ruler: A strong handshake, a direct question - I like that.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
The Ruler: When you prove your superiority, you may brag - and not before.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: I do not speak to weak and worthless girls.
Penny Robinson: Why, you conceited, dirty-faced little boy! You're nothing but a bully - a half-pint bully!
Quano: Luckily you are a female, or I would make you sorry for what you have said.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
The Robot: Our boy will lose this fight in the gym.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: My dear madam, when you're dealing with a dangerous creature, age is of no consequence: a one-year-old viper is just as formidable as a twelve-year-old viper.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Prof. John Robinson: [at breakfast] Quano IS here.
Maureen Robinson: Where? I don't see him.
Prof. John Robinson: He's been hiding behind those rocks over there for the last thirty minutes.
Maureen Robinson: Oh, shame on you, John Robinson, letting that boy stand there and watch us eat. Now, why didn't you invite him to join us?
Prof. John Robinson: Well, darling, you don't ask that young man to do ANYTHING. HE has to make the first move.
Maureen Robinson: Well, if he won't, I will.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: I have eaten.
Maureen Robinson: Are you sure?
Quano: My word is not to be questioned! If I say it, then it is so.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Will Robinson: If no one else needs me, I'm going hunting for rock specimens.
Quano: I, too, am going hunting. Shall we go together?
Will Robinson: Sure. Why not?
Penny Robinson: I'm coming along, too.
Quano: You will stay! You were not asked.
Quano: [to Will] Let us go.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ah, I, of course, am quite familiar with royalty, but that dreadful little prince will bear watching; however, have no fear - Smith is here!

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: Suspected from the first that you are a coward. Go back where you belong, little Earth boy, back to your rocks and vegetables!

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: I wished to prove my courage to the Earth boy.
The Ruler: Instead, you proved your stupidity.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
The Ruler: This does not concern you, woman. It is a matter for men to decide.
Maureen Robinson: Well, I don't know about YOUR world, but in ours women are treated as the equals of men.
The Ruler: [laughing heartily] Ah, ha-ha-ho-ho! What a foolish arrangement!
Maureen Robinson: Well, I don't see anything FOOLISH about it.
The Ruler: Women the equal of men? In what way? Are they stronger than men? Do they have more intelligence? Do they make laws or fight wars?
The Ruler: [to John] Ah-ha. This will be an excellent story for me to tell when I return home.
Maj. Don West: [to Maureen] I can hear the boys in the club laughing already.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: Like father, like son - both are cowards.
Will Robinson: You take that back!

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Maj. Don West: You've got an angle here, Smith? What is it?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Angle? What angle?
Maj. Don West: You're hiding something. Let's have it.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You tin-plated traitor!

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Penny Robinson: Can you imagine Quano believing that girls are worthless?
Maj. Don West: Well, Penny, I have a strong feeling he'll change his opinion when he grows up.
Quano: [who's come upon them unnoticed] I like them now, but it is not manly to pay too much attention to them.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: I bring you greetings from my father. As his spokesman, I also have a message for you: My father wishes to inform you that he has prepared an area suitable for the challenge. The ground is good and firm, and offers good footing. If acceptable, the contest will begin at the hour of ten tomorrow. Failure of your son or his substitute to appear will be considered an act of cowardice, and a penalty enacted against you.
Maureen Robinson: What sort of a penalty?
Quano: That will be for my father to decide.
Maureen Robinson: John, there was nothing said about a penalty before.
Maj. Don West: And what does he mean by "substitute?"
Quano: These are the rules which govern the challenge.
Prof. John Robinson: You tell your father we'll be there.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
The Robot: My deductions place the chances at ninety to one in our favor. The odds are very good.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Obviously you've miscalculated - again.
The Robot: There is always a margin of error, even in a machine. Only Dr. Zachary Smith is perfect.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I am, indeed, and don't you forget about it.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: My father says: "A man who does not speak with directness is not to be trusted."
Dr. Zachary Smith: Perhaps I was a trifle subtle, so I'll get right to the point.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: [at Dr. Smith's offer to help him defeat Will] For your sake I will say nothing about this, but do not speak to me again. I dislike traitors.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
The Robot: He has principles.
Dr. Zachary Smith: And I have not? Is that what you're implying?
The Robot: Do you insist on an answer?
Dr. Zachary Smith: At once!
The Robot: And you will not remove my power pack if I speak the truth?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Just answer the question!
The Robot: Then I choose silence.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, you do, do you?

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, the pain, the pain. The end is near. I know it. Oh, dear.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [grinning overly much] Losing one contest doesn't mean anything.
Maj. Don West: You don't have to sound so pleased about it, Smith.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You're a very noble young man, William. Sometimes I wish you were a little less honest - life would be a great deal easier.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: Shall we fight the monster together, Father?
The Ruler: I will be honored, my son.

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: I am very brave and strong. Would you like to fight and see who is the better man?
Will Robinson: Fight? I'd rather be your friend.
Quano: You are afraid of me. You are a coward.
Will Robinson: [riled] You better watch who you're callin' names, 'cause if you're LOOKIN' for a fight...

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: I truly feel sorry for you, wasting your time in idle pursuits. It is unmanly.
Will Robinson: Now, let's not start THAT again.
Quano: But it is true! You are my age and still you act like a small boy.
Will Robinson: Well, whadda you expect me to do - go around stickin' my chest out, tellin' everyone what a tough guy I am?

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Quano: I want NOTHING from ANY of you!

  --  The Challenge [1.22]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, sadness. Oh, sorrow. Zachary Smith, gourmet, epicurean, reduced to a meal of fodder.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Penny Robinson: That's the spirit, Dr. Smith!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, please spare me your youthful optimism.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [eating pills for dinner] I cannot go on this way. I simply must have some food.
Maj. Don West: Stop your bellyaching, Smith. We're all in the same boat.
Dr. Zachary Smith: This chemical concoction may be sufficient for you and the others, but it hardly whets my appetite.
Maj. Don West: That protein capsule contains MORE than enough nutrition for your needs.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Perhaps for the average man, Major, but I burn up more energy than the average man.
Maj. Don West: Well, then I've got just the cure for you, Smith.
Dr. Zachary Smith: And what is that?
Maj. Don West: Don't talk so much.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
The Space Trader: Now, if there are two things that a trader loves it is good company and good business.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, we can certainly supply the good company.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Will Robinson: There are more important things in life than just food.
Dr. Zachary Smith: The ignorance of that remark is excusable only because of your extreme youth. Good food is one of the important joys of living.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
[the Trader hopes a roast turkey placed before the starving Robinsons with induce them to start trading but Professor Robinson will have none of it]
Dr. Zachary Smith: I have an idea, Mr. Trader. I know we can come to some sort of agreement about this beautiful bird; but, meanwhile, a full stomach makes for a happy disposition. Let's eat it first and discuss it later.
The Space Trader: Dr. Smith, you must realize that, as a businessman, I cannot deal in PROMISES of payment. Now, Mr. Robinson, can we not, as they say, "talk turkey?"

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: There ARE no tough turkeys, madam. Some are just less tender than others.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
The Space Trader: If there's no market, make one - the old law of supply and demand.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
The Space Trader: It is not my habit to trade with children. It's utterly against my policy.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
The Space Trader: Only the robot. That's the only thing I'm... REALLY interested in.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ah.
The Space Trader: I-if you COULD manage to trade that machine, I'd give you all the food you could possibly eat.
Dr. Zachary Smith: For how long.
The Space Trader: A week.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Make it two.
The Space Trader: Ten days.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Twelve.
The Space Trader: Done.
[They laugh wickedly together]
The Space Trader: You're a shrewd trader, Dr. Smith.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I have an ancestor who had quite a reputation as a horse trader, but he suffered a severe business reversal. Jealous rivals accused him of stocking stolen merchandise - utterly ridiculous, of course.
The Space Trader: Yes. How unfortunate. What happened to him.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [involuntarily bringing his hand to his neck] Well, he... I think I'll tell you the story some other time.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: It would appear that you and I are the only ones awake. I just couldn't sleep.
The Robot: You're probably suffering a guilty conscience.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: What's the matter with the dear lady? Did you have a tiff?

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
The Space Trader: What can I do for you this morning?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I would like to talk to you, sir, about this broken-down, old robot. I want it back.
The Space Trader: Well, as you know, everything I have is for sale. What would you like to give me in exchange for him?
Dr. Zachary Smith: At the moment, nothing, but I thought, perhaps, we could work out some sort of a... credit arrangement. It's a common procedure on Earth, you knows: Buy now, pay later.
The Space Trader: Hm, sounds like a bad way to run a business.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
The Space Trader: Is there NOTHING you can offer in exchange?
Dr. Zachary Smith: All I have is what you see before you, Mr. Trader.
The Space Trader: You m... O-o-o-oh, no. O-oh, that would be quite against my pr... I mean, what would the Traders Association say if they ever heard? I'd be in REAL trouble.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What is it? Surely, you could work something out.
The Space Trader: W-weren't you suggesting that you should trade yourself?
Dr. Zachary Smith: MYSELF!

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Maureen Robinson: But, Dr. Smith is a human being. You just can't buy and sell him.
The Space Trader: Why not? He is an item, a commodity like anything else in my fair.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Will Robinson: If it hadn't been for food, you wouldn't be in this mess.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Will Robinson: [having assisted Dr. Smith getting away from the Trader's guard dogs] We've gotta get back to the Jupiter 2.
Dr. Zachary Smith: We'll never make it. Those beasts will tear us apart when they catch us.
Will Robinson: Would you rather stay here and let the Trader take you away?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ugh! Oh! Come along. What're you waiting for?

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
The Space Trader: [to his dog] Imagine that! He loves a robot like a brother, and yet he was prepared to trade him for a little bit of food. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. It would seem that I have found my Earthling - Dr. Smith.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [upon seeing the robot] Oh, thank heavens. I'm saved. My dear, dear friend, how glad I am to see you.
The Robot: I beg your pardon, sir. I don't believe we've met.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: At a time like this we see out true friends.
Maj. Don West: Save the soft soap for later, Smith.

  --  The Space Trader [1.23]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [admiring a crown] Oh, my. Those rubies are as large as hens' eggs.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Announcer: [voiceover] Last week, as you recall, Will had joined Dr. Smith and the robot in a search for wild truffles, little dreaming that they would find something far different, something that would plunge them into an incredible adventure with creatures from another, mysterious world.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Dr. Smith, look! A crown!
Will Robinson: I see it's a crown. I have eyes in my head. The question is, what is a crown doing here?

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [having gotten the alien crown off his head] Oh, what a horrible feeling. That thing just wouldn't let go me. A thousand and one pins and needles penetrated every inch of my body. Do be careful with that thing, my boy. It bites.
Will Robinson: Well, it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't touched it. Remember what you said about property rights.
Dr. Zachary Smith: When you grow up, my boy, I hope you will also grow in tolerance for the weaknesses of others. I just couldn't help myself. Put it down. Put it DOWN!
The Robot: There is no danger in this object for the boy.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Quiet, you disreputable dunce! Why didn't you help me in my hour of need?

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Nexus: I am Nexus of Andronica. My companions and I have crossed ninety light years of space seeking a being worthy to wear that crown. At last we have found him. All hail our majesty.
Will Robinson: My name's Will Robinson, Mr. Nexus, but I'm not a king. I'm only from the planet Earth.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Nexus: It is a tradition that a king of Andronica must always come from off-planet stock to prevent weak rulers.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: A fine little lad. I know he'll make an excellent king.
Nexus: But he has refused.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I have a great deal of influence over his young mind. I KNOW I can convince him to see reason. Oh course, it would have to be made worth my while, perhaps a regency until the boy comes of age?
Nexus: That would place a great deal of power in your hands, Dr. Smith. You would be virtually ruler of Andronica and its subject planets.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Suppose the boy continues to refuse?
Nexus: Then we must select another candidate - one of sublime intelligence, extraordinary valor, judicial wisdom and royal bearing.
Dr. Zachary Smith: That does narrow the field somewhat.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I told him that under no circumstances would you even consider accepting the thrown. I told him that we were all believers in the democratic principle and that the divine right of kings had no place among us. In short, I told him to, uh... uh, forget it.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Nexus: You place great premium on cunning, Dr. Smith.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [at the merest suggesting of being made king] Me? Oh, I wouldn't dream of taking on such a burden, a simple man like me.
Nexus: But you said, yourself, you were descended form kings.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Remotely, dear friend. Only remotely.
Nexus: But I'm sure you have those peculiar virtues required of kings.
Dr. Zachary Smith: A compendium of virtues, if I say so myself.
Nexus: We, uh, might do worse in selecting a king.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, then, you couldn't be considering modest, unassuming me?
Nexus: Ah, but we could. In fact, the more I consider it, the more I think you were made for the job, Dr. Smith.
Dr. Zachary Smith: How uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Do you mean it?
Nexus: I do.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, the pain of it. The royal pain of it all. I ACCEPT!

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Nexus: Professor John Robinson?
Prof. John Robinson: I'm Professor Robinson.
Nexus: You and your entire company are commanded under peril of royal displeasure to present yourselves for judgement tomorrow at the final audience of his majesty Zachary the First before he leaves this place to assume his royal duties as King of Andronica.
Prof. John Robinson: You may tell your, um... your royal master that we'll be there.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ah, one of your quaint religious rites, no doubt. Purely symbolic in nature?
Alien: No-no. Sacrifice king so everybody be happy, well, prosperous in year to come.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Sacrifice the king?
Alien: Skin him, stuff him - very good stuffing, last many years. Ten thousand years from now, you look same, stand in hall of immortal kings, very great honor.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Alien: Your people want Smith - I GIVE them Smith.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Will Robinson: What did they do to you in there?
Daddy Zach: Really nothing, my dear boy, merely awakened me to the potentials of the world in which I live, to my own capacity for doing good, to the wonder of scattering a little sunshine as I travel through life.
Will Robinson: Well, you sure have changed.
The Robot: My memory banks do not identify you as Dr. Zachary Smith.
Daddy Zach: Do I look like Dr. Smith?
The Robot: You stand like Dr. Smith.
Daddy Zach: Do I talk like Dr. Smith?
The Robot: The tonal quality is identical.
Daddy Zach: Then, I must be Dr. Smith.
The Robot: That does not necessarily compute.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I shall be a new Smith - trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.
Alien: Already is such a Smith.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Daddy Zach: Call me Zach.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Zach, indeed. That I should live to hear my distinguished name bandied about in this fashion.
Daddy Zach: Oh, come-come, Zach, we both know what the name stands for, at least until now.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What do you mean, sir?
Daddy Zach: I mean that you are shiftless, unreliable, cowardly, two-faced and a liar. Shall I go on?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I shall not remain to hear myself insulted.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Daddy Zach: Fetch me my royal crown and raiment. If you must take me, I shall go as your king!

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Will Robinson: Daddy Zach...
Dr. Zachary Smith: Daddy Zach, indeed! I never want to hear that revolting name ever again in my presence!

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Alien: Oh, yes, you are king - for Festival of Sacrifice.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Festival of Sacrifice?
Alien: Big festival, everybody come. Drink gloog, make sleemoth.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Alien: We set out bait for you.
Dr. Zachary Smith: For me? But the crown rejected me when I first put it on.
Alien: Make you want it more. Make you lie, betray your friends to become king. You pass test for kind of king we want. Here, have gloog.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Thank you very much.
Alien: It GOOD for you! Make stuffing work better.
Dr. Zachary Smith: But why me? Why take a rascal like me when you have available a noble mind like Professor Robinson or great physical courage like Major West or incipient genius like Will?
Alien: You are USELESS creature; they are USEFUL creatures. Is wasteful to sacrifice useful creatures as king.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You mean, you select your kings because they're useless?
Alien: Sure. Nobody miss them. Nobody care.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Do you have any idea what they'll do to you?
Daddy Zach: Perhaps I can make an arrangement with them, and if not, at least I shall be a king for a little while. I might even learn to drink gloog and make sleemoth.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Daddy Zach: Good morning, dear boy. Why don't you just sit down and let Daddy Zack bring your breakfast.
Will Robinson: "Daddy... ZACK?"

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
The Robot: It does not compute.

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Daddy Zach - BAH!

  --  His Majesty Smith [1.24]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Exciting news of a romantic nature always attracts listeners. My dear friends, you see before you the happiest man in the world: Sybila has promised to be my wife.
Maj. Don West: Not the witch?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I shall treat that slur with the contempt it deserves.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Maj. Don West: Well, where is this fascinating family located, Smith. I think we'd all like to meet 'em.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, you will, you will. They need a little more time to settle in. They're not quite ready to receive visitors.
Prof. John Robinson: Oh, is THAT what they said?
Will Robinson: Yeah, with a shotgun.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
[a lowly howl is heard]
Dr. Zachary Smith: What was that?
Will Robinson: Sounded like a wolf to me.
Penny Robinson: There can't be any wolves out here.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, yes, there can. Look!
Will Robinson: All I see are the two moons, and we've seen them before.
Dr. Zachary Smith: But never so bursting with fullness.
Penny Robinson: Is that bad?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Bad, my dear child? It portends the very worst of evil happenings, the night the witches dance and the misbegotten creatures of doom walk the earth, when the dark and dismal voices...
[another lowly howl interrupts]

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Give your dear mother my kindest regards. I did so much enjoy meeting her.
Effra: Didn't LOOK like you enjoyed it.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
[Loud drumming and chanting attracts the Robinsons to their new neighbors midnight planting]
Effra: You shouldn't outta come. Earthly folks got no business here!
Maureen Robinson: We heard the chanting and we thought you wouldn't mind if we dropped in.
Sybilla: [sternly] We wouldn't mind if you DROPPED OUT the same way you dropped in.
Dr. Zachary Smith: May I compliment you on your singing, madam? Glorious! Glorious!
Sybilla: [obviously affected by Smith's remark, but nonetheless... to the Robinsons] What do you want?
Prof. John Robinson: We're interested in your planting methods, curious about your crop.
Sybilla: Your curiosity has no business here.
Effra: You'll find out soon enough, I reckon.
Maj. Don West: What does that mean?
Effra: Uh, how bad do you wanna know?
Sybilla: [low and threatening] I'll burn your tongue out. What we do - on our land - is exclusively OUR affair.
Prof. John Robinson: Agreed, but...
Sybilla: No "buts." "Buts" invariably lead to explanations, which I do not choose to give. Now we'll have no more talk, and no more VISITING.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Sybilla: [pointedly] I've no time for chats OR neighbors.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: It's not my fault if this fugitive from a scrap metal yard is incapable of assessing my virtues.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: And, uh, that remarkable contraption is your means of transportation?
Effra: There ain't NOTHIN' wrong with it. It gits us places, all over the Pleiades AND the constellation of the big dog AND the constellation of the southern fish. And we even was to Earth, once.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Earth?
Effra: Yeah, only I, uh, didn't like it because there was too many people like YOU.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: We should never have stayed out this late.
Will Robinson: And whose fault is that?
Dr. Zachary Smith: This is no time for idle recriminations.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [tasting Judy's bean gravy] Mmm! Delicious.
Judy Robinson: I added some wolf's foot that I found.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ugh!
Judy Robinson: What's wrong, Doctor?
Dr. Zachary Smith: "Wolf's foot?"
Judy Robinson: Oh, that's just the name of an herb that grows on this planet.
Maureen Robinson: It's sort of like, um, oh, club moss. It really gives the sauce a nice tang.
Dr. Zachary Smith: It gave me a very nice TURN.
Penny Robinson: That's because we saw a REAL werewolf tonight.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ahh, if only this pipeline were finished, then, my boy, you would see Dr. Smith at his best - stalking the beast, cornering him, cowering him with a look.
Will Robinson: Boy, I sure would hate to see you miss a chance like that.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Sybilla: [holding Smith and WIll at gunpoint] And you, sir, and you, young man, are not at all welcome in this place. You may leave at once.
Dr. Zachary Smith: But, madam, as I tried to explain to your daughter, we are merely on safari looking for a werewolf.
Sybilla: "A werewolf" - a very dubious pretext, one I can hardly accept. Werewolves are the unhealthy machinations of timid little minds. Now, be off with you.
Dr. Zachary Smith: But, madam...
Sybilla: Be... off.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [backing away] Yes. Yes.
Sybilla: And STAY... OFF!

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Sybilla: [affectionately to her animated planets] Patience! You will be fed very soon. You're hungry little devils, aren't you? Well, you won't have long to wait, and then, when you have provided for me and my family, all the rest of this land will be yours, all this land, and everything that's on it, EVERY LIVING THING!

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You barbs fall on deaf ears, Major!

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Will Robinson: Dr. Smith, you don't belong with her OR with them. You belong with us. And you don't know what terrible things are gonna happen to you when you go with them, and you'll be too far away from us to help you.
Sybilla: [to Dr. Smith] I could dissolve him very easily from here. I could squash him squishy.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Sybilla,Effra: [chanting in unison] Saaay-la! Naaay-la! Saaay-la! Daaay-la! Raaay-la! Naaay-la! Saaay-la!
Sybilla: Gro-ow and mullll-ti-ply.
Effra: Flourrr-ish, and provide.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Sybilla: Where's your brother Keel?
Effra: Oh, he's still out there. He hasn't finished his howlin' yet.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [alarmed and hearing a distant howl] Did she say "howling?"
Sybilla: Mm-hmm, but you won't have to worry about that, Zachary, now that you're one of the family. Just keep an eye on him at the time of the full moon, and the rest of the time he's quite easy to handle, once you get the hang of it - but Efra... Efra can be a trial at times, a real problem child, but I know you'll be masterful enough to handle her, too. Besides, she only practices her little tricks of witchcraft when she's bored or irritated, and then she does some pretty spooky things.
Dr. Zachary Smith: She does?
Sybilla: Hmm. Of course, she inherited those powers from her father and not from me. "My darling little witch child" he used to call her. She absolutely gets carried away when the plants are eating. She may ask you to hover in the sky. She may suspend you up there, but if she does you just outsmart her. You hang up there and close your eyes. It's better not to look while the plants are eating. It gets very messy.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What... do the plants do, Sybila?
Sybilla: They consume, Zachary. Ah... They consume EVERYTHING until there's not a living thing left. Not a stick. Not a THING. Now, aren't you glad that you proposed to me and I accepted you? You're safe with us.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Am I, Sybila?

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
[the werewolf grabs Dr. Smith]
Sybilla: Just tell 'im that you're going to be his daddy, Zachary. He won't harm you if he knows you're going to be his daddy.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: When one works so hard one requires a lot of rest.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Will Robinson: If we could get the pipeline finished early, you could go on that safari later.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ah, much as I would like to, I'm afraid this pipeline comes first, and it will probably take me a week.
Will Robinson: But it'll be too late then. The moons will wane.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ah, true, very true.

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Sybilla: Effra, I won't have it! Conversing with strangers, again. Now, you get back to the brew.
Effra: All right, Ma.
Sybilla: It's "Mother," not "Ma."

  --  The Space Croppers [1.25]
%
Disk: You wish information?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Yes. Yes, I do.
Disk: Then ask your question.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I would like to know where to find the greatest treasure in the galaxy. Can you tell me?
Disk: Many others have wanted this answer. They were men of greed. All paid a grievous price. All met with misfortune.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Never mind that! Where is the treasure?
Disk: Before I answer - think! Will you settle for untold wealth over all things?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Yes, oh, yes. Tell me.

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now I've heard everything. This cannot be true. A criminal is sleeping in my bed, wearing my clothes. He'll probably murder us all!
Penny Robinson: Oh, Dr. Smith, you always exaggerate so. Ohan isn't THAT kind of a criminal. He's... well I... guess you call him like sort of, um... an international galactic burglar.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, this is too much. I feel faint.

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: For a doomed man there is no hope, only darkness and despair.

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: And I've learned that all that glitters is not gold - and the same may be said for platinum.

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, death, where's thy sting?
Disk: Foolish, foolish man. You had everything necessary for happiness, and you gave it all up for what? A cold, unfeeling metal.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I know I deserve to be punished, but not Penny. The child is innocent. She shouldn't have to suffer because of my folly.
Disk: You should have thought of that earlier.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I know, and now it's too late. What a miserable wretch I am.
Disk: Perhaps you have learned a lesson, Dr. Smith?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, I have. I have.
Disk: Then, for once, I will make an exception. I will spare you.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I don't care about myself. It's only Penny I want saved. Where are you? Where are you? Don't leave. You've got to make Penny normal again! Oh.
Penny Robinson: I'm fine, Dr. Smith.

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Why should I mind sharing my meager belongings with every hobo that wanders by? I have plenty of everything!

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Ohan: You do not understand. I'm a professional thief. In my world that's a time-honored profession. My father and his father and his father before him were all thieves. The Ohan reputation is respected throughout the whole galaxy.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [witheringly] Yes, I'm sure it is.

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Bolix: Who's the leader here!
Maureen Robinson,Dr. Zachary Smith: I am.
Maureen Robinson: Dr. Smith, PLEASE!
Dr. Zachary Smith: REALLY, madam!

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: We are always happy to see a representative of the law.
Bolix: Then you are an exception to the rule, Dr. Smith. Guilty or not guilty, people are quite uncomfortable in the presence of, uh... what you on Earth call a "flatfoot".
Maureen Robinson: We call them "policemen", and as a rule they're extremely kind and courteous.
Bolix: Well, I seem to get better results using my own methods.

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Judy Robinson: I wonder what's wrong with Dr. Smith. He's certainly lost his appetite in a hurry.
Maureen Robinson: Well, speaking from past experience, I'd say he's up to some sort of mischief. He had that look of, uh... "Who? Me? I'm innocent," and that ALWAYS spells trouble.

  --  All That Glitters [1.26]
%
Will Robinson: What's wrong with you, Robot? You said there was drinking water here.
The Robot: The adjective "drinking" was not included in my programming.
Will Robinson: Well, it is now. We need water we can drink.
The Robot: Revision of original programming duly noted: We will now search for "drinking water."

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
Will Robinson: [trapped in a pit] There's a passageway along here. Will that get us out?
The Robot: Insufficient data. Suggest trial and error.
Will Robinson: Okay, but we sure have been giving those errors a workout.

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Look at that. Something fell there, and pretty hard.
Maj. Don West: Only the robot could have made a mark like that in the ground.
Prof. John Robinson: Now, a fall like that would have broken his circuits. Now he's not here. Somebody had to fix him.
Maj. Don West: Will.
Prof. John Robinson: I'm counting on him.

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
The Robot: Danger! Danger!
Will Robinson: Looks safe enough to me.
The Robot: Danger ahead! Proceed with caution!
Will Robinson: Boy, do YOU need an overhaul.

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
Will Robinson: Well, what do I do now?
The Robot: Kiss the girl.
Will Robinson: KISS her?
The Robot: It is the only way to wake her up.
Will Robinson: Then let her sleep.
The Robot: Stop. It is necessary to KISS the girl.
Will Robinson: All right. Then YOU do it.
The Robot: It is necessary that YOU do it.
Will Robinson: How do you know what's necessary for ME to do?
The Robot: Dr. Smith has programmed into my memory banks the plots of every story in literature. This is one of them.
Will Robinson: What one?
The Robot: Sleeping Beauty.
Will Robinson: She doesn't look like any beauty to me, but she sure is sleeping.
The Robot: That is why you must kiss her to wake her up.
Will Robinson: Do I HAVE to?
The Robot: Affirmative.
Will Robinson: Now I know why Don gets so mad at Dr. Smith.

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
The Robot: Kiss the girl!
Will Robinson: All right! All right! Gimme a chance, will ya!
[Will hesitates]
The Robot: KISS the girl.

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
Major Domo: Centuries ago, my people began the most daring, most magnificent plan ever conceived - no less than the conquest of the entire universe.
Maj. Don West: Picked yourself quite a job.
Major Domo: Yes, it's an impossible job for any one race, no matter HOW advanced their technology, but time and planning solve all problems. Here in our underground world, we have been collecting what we have needed most - manpower. We have stored more than a thousand generations of soldiers, waiting for the day when their vast numbers would be needed.
Prof. John Robinson: And that day is...
Major Domo: Now.

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
Will Robinson: Marry that girl? I can't do it!
Major Domo: You WILL do it!
Will Robinson: I can't get married. I'm just a kid!
Major Domo: You were old enough to fight your way to her side!
Will Robinson: I didn't fight anybody. I can't get married. I couldn't even SUPPORT a wife! I haven't got a job.

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
Princess: Goodbye, Will Robinson. Have fun.

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You neanderthal ninny! How dare you disturb my rest!
The Robot: I wanted to let you know that I've come back.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Indeed. What possible difference could that make to anyone?
The Robot: Everyone has someone. I have only you.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Have you, indeed? Depart! What're you staring at?
The Robot: For a moment you reminded me of someone.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [bored] Really? Who?
The Robot: Sleeping Beauty. Haa ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Stop that absurd laughter and leave at once, you monstrous metallurgical mendler! I'm in no mood for your heavy-handed levity!

  --  The Lost Civilization [1.27]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Agility, like youth, is wasted on children.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [about the alien space ship] Is it very complicated, my encyclopedic friend?
The Robot: Very compact.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Tell me more.
The Robot: It's design is simplicity itself.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Getting better all the time. How simple?
The Robot: What do you want from me, blood?

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [speaking of the alien spaceship] Well, it's of no earthly use to me.
Maureen Robinson: Well, why does everything have to have an "earthly" use, doctor?
Maj. Don West: Don't let him answer that or we'll be standing here hours listening to the miseries of a galactic castaway.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Major, you irk me.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Will? Your mother asked you a question.
Will Robinson: Not really, Dad. She was just expressing her momentary emotional anxiety in rhetorical terms. Certainly the state of my physical well-being should be apparent to all.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Will Robinson: I don't like obvious flattery, Dr. Smith. Next time try to be a little more subtle.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Will Robinson: I wasn't aware that anything had happened to me, and if you insist on asking these primitive and emotional questions, I won't be able to tell you anything.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Will Robinson: [at the chess board] Don't trouble yourself, Dr. Smith. We're not evenly matched.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Perhaps not, but we COULD have a little chat.
Will Robinson: About what?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, ships and shoes and sealing wax.
Will Robinson: In other words, multidimensional excursion vehicles.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: How would you like to give me a few pointers on the technique involved in piloting that vehicle?
Will Robinson: For what ulterior motives, Dr. Smith?
Dr. Zachary Smith: [affronted] Ulterior motives? I?
Will Robinson: All right, then I'll explain them to you: One, you can hardly wait to leave. Two, you're hoping that if you can learn to fly that vehicle, it'll make you some sort of Lord of the Galaxies. Three, if you can ever guide it back to Earth, you'll become... President of the United States at the very least.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Really. I hadn't thought of that, but it does sound intriguing. Go on.
Will Robinson: I'm sorry, Dr. Smith, but you and I don't communicate on the same level of maturity.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
The Robot: A product of contemporary technology is incapable of obsolescence.
Will Robinson: Have YOU got a lot to learn.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I've made a very important decision, Will.
Will Robinson: Oh? Who do you plan to get in trouble THIS time?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, ye of little faith.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You're not very kind, are you? All I want is to see you happy, to give you the companionship and the understanding that you deserve. Isn't that what you need?
Will Robinson: It might be nice to have someone I wouldn't have to talk down to, but there's just one problem.
Dr. Zachary Smith: What problem?
Will Robinson: You're not doing this for me.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, my dear misguided boy!
Will Robinson: We might get on a whole lot better if you'd admit you're doing this for yourself, Dr. Smith.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You have cut me to the quick. What can I say?
Will Robinson: It doesn't matter, 'cause I'd see through it no matter WHAT you said.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Help an old man up the ramp, girly!

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
Will Robinson: It's not much fun when you have to explain things to your own father, and everyone else besides.

  --  A Change of Space [1.28]
%
The Robot: He who chickens and runs away will chicken out another day.

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Canto of Quasti: Once I was a great warrior and leader of my race, but that was many centuries ago.
Prof. John Robinson: What is it you want with me?
Canto of Quasti: My body has long ago been used up. I want... yours as a replacement.

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Canto of Quasti: Sleep, John Robinson, sleep, and while you sleep, I will take over your body.

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Canto of Quasti: Go, but remember - I am now a part of you.
Prof. John Robinson: No. I won't let you.
Canto of Quasti: There is nothing you can do, and every time you sleep I will gain further control of your mind. You are not to remember anything that has happened here. Now, go, and take good care of our body.

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Be still, you bubble-headed booby!

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Will Robinson: If you can help dad, I'm all for it.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Very well, I shall undertake to start working on my patient at the earliest opportunity.
The Robot: May I speak?
Dr. Zachary Smith: You have my permission.
The Robot: In my opinion, it is not Professor Robinson who needs psychiatric treatment. It is his doctor.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Just you wait, you deplorable dummy.

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Let me handle the professor. Possibly you're unaware that I'm completely familiar with the latest techniques in the field of psychiatry.
Maj. Don West: As a doctor or a patient?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Spare me your insulting barbs, Major, or I shall withdraw my offer of help.

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Canto of Quasti: The mechanical man has told them what is happening. That could be very unfortunate.
Prof. John Robinson: There's nothing they can do to stop us now.
Canto of Quasti: Perhaps. Still, they could be a hindrance.
Prof. John Robinson: Then we must remove them.
Canto of Quasti: [laughs] We are beginning to think more and more alike.

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Spare me your philosophical comments, you blithering bumpkin!

  --  Follow the Leader [1.29]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: My dear sir, at the risk of appearing curious, may I ask what you were blasting FOR?
Nerim: Cosmonium.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Cosmonium? Cos... I don't believe I've ever heard of it. I don't suppose it's very... precious?
Nerim: Well, it is, if you know HOW to get it and what to do with it.

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Will Robinson: [appraising Nerim's cosmonium] It looks like you've got little bits of sun there, Mr. Nerim.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Don't be ridiculous, Will. What possible use could there be for "little bits of sun?"
Nerim: Well, the boy's smarter than YOU are, Zack boy. "Bits of sun" is just about what this is - quintessence of the living force that thaws the ice and melts the snow and puts living breath in everything that grows. That's a sight more precious than diamonds, ain't it, Zach boy?

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Begin report on seismic disturbance.
The Robot: Mio-seismic area of shock: increasing. Region of seismic focus: now distributed over entire planet. Subterranean displacement of geologic structure: total and continuous. Core of planet in condition of molten ferment.
Prof. John Robinson: Worse than I thought.
Maureen Robinson: How bad?
Prof. John Robinson: I'm afraid we're on a merry-go-round of chain reaction. In a matter of hours this planet will cease to exist. It'll disintegrate into cosmic dust.

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Nerim: This here planet has got layers and layers of rock so solid you could lay a burnin' sun right on it and the sun'd just burn itself out and leave the planet untouched.

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Nerim: You always get this happy when other folks is in trouble, Zack boy?

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Now that's a trilling bit of news, you bumbling birdbrain.

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Will Robinson: [to John] And don't worry about Dr. Smith. I'll take care of HIM.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [witheringly] What a comfort you are in my hour of need.

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Prof. John Robinson: Oh, yes, there's something I forgot to tell you: You've been the most uncomplaining, patient partner a man could wish for while we've been here. Thank you, darling.

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You, uh... you will bear me out, won't you, Will, when I tell them that I meant no harm? It was just, uh... It was just a vagrant impulse.
Will Robinson: [irritated] You have to explain that yourself. I don't know what a vagrant impulse means.

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Robot: Robot in magnetic lock. I will maintain myself in magnetic lock until further orders.
Dr. Smith: Ah, that's a thrilling bit of news, you bumbling birdbrain.

  --  Blast Off Into Space [2.01]
%
Prof. John Robinson: We trusted our eyes instead of our instruments. In space that can be a dangerous mistake.
Dr. Zachary Smith: TRY not to let it happen again, please.

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Prof. John Robinson: If you've plotted our position, I want you to give it to me.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Only if you give me your word you'll use it to get us back to Earth.
Prof. John Robinson: Why, that's blackmail!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Call it what you will. I have really no interest in camping out again on some dreary cinder in space.

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Prof. John Robinson: All right, Smith. You win.
Dr. Zachary Smith: We have a deal?
Prof. John Robinson: Provided your calculations are correct we have a deal.

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [singing] "We're going back to Earth / To wonderful wonderful Earth / Of all I recall / It's best part of all / In all the universe. / Oh, we're going back to Earth..." We're really going back to Earth! "Of all I recall / It's the best part of all / in all the universe."

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You've broken your solid word of honor, Professor. I warn you, I will not go to Alpha Centauri!
Maj. Don West: No one says you have to, Smith. Anytime you want, I'll stop the Jupiter 2 and let you off.
Dr. Zachary Smith: BAH!

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Maj. Don West: John, the fuel gauge in this barge reads down a quarter, but there's no indication that any other ship docked here.
Prof. John Robinson: Well it's not possible!
Maj. Don West: Well, SOMETHING'S been at this fuel supply.
Will Robinson: Maybe it was a leak.
Prof. John Robinson: If it was, the fuel would still be moving past the barges.

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Maj. Don West: The refueling is completed, and I'm on my way ba... Who are you? Who's there?

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: You're a fund of information, aren't you, you lily-livered, lead-lined lummox!

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: There is more than one way to skin a cat.
The Robot: There are exactly thirty-seven ways.
Dr. Zachary Smith: And I've used them all.

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: "Dangerous scientific phenomena" indeed, you blithering booby. What could possibly be out there in all that nothingness?
[turns to see a green alien watching him and screams]

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Will Robinson: Mom once told me about people who see things. She said they're the cause of a guilty conscience.

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, joy, oh bliss, oh crepe suzette.

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Will Robinson: Dad, where are we going now?
Prof. John Robinson: We'll know when we get their, son. We'll know when we get there.

  --  Wild Adventure [2.02]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh, my dear good friend, my favorite companion through incredible ordeals, just give me some word, some message of hope.
The Robot: "Never fear, Smith is here." Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Space Control Officer O-3: I have a few questions I'd like you to answer. Are you ready to answer them?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I'd like to leave.
Space Control Officer O-3: So soon? You've only just arrived. You know, there's really nothing we can't do for those who cooperate with us.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Does that include returning me to Earth?
Space Control Officer O-3: Of course, but why should you want to go back there when there's so much here for you to enjoy? The riches of the entire universe, supreme power over the fate of every living thing, undreamed of luxury - all waiting for a cooperative visitor.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Prof. John Robinson: That's right, Dr. Smith. In space, I doubt everything but the evidence of my own eyes, sense and instruments, and as of now I believe this place to be both alien and hostile to us.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Maj. Don West: That must be their reception committee.
Prof. John Robinson: Looks more like an honor guard at a funeral.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Cybernetic Leader: Identify yourself.
The Robot: Robot Model B-9, designed and computerized as a mechanized electronic aide for Earth voyagers engaged in astral expeditions.
Cybernetic Leader: Do you know who I am?
The Robot: Affirmative. The Supreme Prototype of all cybernetic aides.
Cybernetic Leader: Correction: The Supreme Prototype is NOT an aide. He does not obey commands, he issues them.
Will Robinson: That's silly. A cybernetic is a giant electronic brain. It can't command a thing unless someone like me programs it.
Cybernetic Leader: Silence! The Earth creature has much to learn. Fortunately you are young enough to do so.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Cybernetic Leader: Robot B-9, how do you plead to the crimes with which you are charged?
The Robot: Guilty.
Cybernetic Leader: Have you anything to say before sentence is passed on you?
The Robot: Only that I am a first-time offender and that it will not happen again.
Cybernetic Leader: I have already taken that under advisement. In other words, we are prepared to overlook your past if you will pledge allegiance to the Kingdom of Cybernetics and forget your former masters.
The Robot: I am prepared to take that pledge.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
The Robot: I do not take orders, I give them!
Cybernetic Leader: I like the way you said that, B-9.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: The moment I get out of here, I'll sell you down the river of no return, you tin-plated tyrant.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Maureen Robinson: That boy's gone off AGAIN without permission.
Prof. John Robinson: It won't be the first time he's done that, especially with Smith to encourage him.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Hold your tongue, you silly goose!

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
The Robot: Warning! Extreme danger!
Penny Robinson: What is it?
The Robot: Object pursuing us is a hyper-atomic missile.
Dr. Zachary Smith: A hyper-atomic missile? Where did it come from?
The Robot: It has been launched by the automated planet in protest to our leaving. Advise a change of course immediately. If not, we will be destroyed.

  --  The Ghost Planet [2.03]
%
Penny Robinson: Poor Dr. Smith. All he does is sit on a rock and stare off into space.
The Robot: According to my calculations, he must stay 50 yards away from all members of this party.
Penny Robinson: Are you sure there's a chance of him blowing up?
The Robot: The answer is positive. Dr. Smith has consumed a quart and a half of explosive. That gives him a concussion power of 15 sticks of dynamite.
Maj. Don West: Well, Dr. Smith isn't our only problem.
Prof. John Robinson: We got to get this force field working.
Maj. Don West: Let's give it a try.
Prof. John Robinson: All right.
[flips a switch on the force field device. An explosion is the reaction they get]
Prof. John Robinson: Well, just as I thought. We're gonna have to replace that energizing unit.
Judy Robinson: How long will that take?
Prof. John Robinson: A couple of days.
Will Robinson: But the aliens could launch their secret weapon at any minute.
Penny Robinson: Is there a chance of us taking off before that?
Prof. John Robinson: It'll take weeks just to assess the damage.

  --  Forbidden World [2.04]
%
Maureen Robinson: Oh, come now. What's the matter with all of us? We'll find some way to protect ourselves.
Prof. John Robinson: What do you suggest we do, Maureen? Call out the marines?
[realizes what he just said]
Prof. John Robinson: I'm sorry, darling. That wasn't very nice.
Maureen Robinson: Well, that remark is already forgotten and forgiven.
Maj. Don West: Why don't we just load up the chariot and pull out?
Prof. John Robinson: What, leave the ship?
Maj. Don West: Well, at least we wouldn't be sitting ducks for the hunters.
Maureen Robinson: Well, that might make sense, John.
Prof. John Robinson: Well, I don't want to discourage you, but it won't work.
Maj. Don West: Well, why not?
Prof. John Robinson: Well, lots of reasons. Now, without the equipment from the Jupiter 2, we'd stand a very small chance of surviving on an unexplored planet. And then we have the aliens to consider. You know, sooner or later they're gonna catch up to us.
Penny Robinson: But by then, they may realize we're friends.
Prof. John Robinson: No, Penny. Uh, friendly people don't run away. No, I'm for staying here now, and reasoning with them.
Judy Robinson: According to Will, they weren't exactly reasonable individuals.
Prof. John Robinson: I can't say that I blame them. I mean, how would you feel if a missile exploded in your backyard?
The Robot: In reference to explosions: Danger! Danger!
[Dr. Smith is seen walking towards the Jupiter 2]
The Robot: Danger! Danger! Stop! Do not come closer!
Dr. Zachary Smith: I'd like to talk with someone. I'm so lonely.

  --  Forbidden World [2.04]
%
Dr. John Robinson: [to Dr. Smith] If anything happens to my son, I'm going to skin you alive.

  --  Space Circus [2.05]
%
Fenestra: I seem to have misplaced my jewels, Dr. Marvello.
Dr. Marvello: Oh, I'm sure they'll turn up someplace. I was just about to tell our guests about you, my dear. This is Fenestra, clairvoyant supreme, mistress of the lost arts of psychokinetology and extrasensory materialization.
Will Robinson: If she can do all that, how come she can't find her jewels?

  --  Space Circus [2.05]
%
Thief: [confronting Will and Dr. Smith] Dogs! Infidels! Prepare to die!

  --  The Thief from Outer Space [2.09]
%
Morbus: Ah, whadda you want to do that for? Shoo. He's harmless really, he's quite beneficial. He helps keep down the vermin.
Maj. Don West: Yeah, well he was going after Smith.
Morbus: That's what I said, he helps keep down the vermin.

  --  A Visit to Hades [2.12]
%
Morbus: [dressed like the Devil] Well Zachary, so you finally got here!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Good heavens!
Morbus: Hahaha... Guess AGAIN!

  --  A Visit to Hades [2.12]
%
Saticon #1: [Speaking to the Robot] I know what you are thinking, but resistance would be futile.

  --  Wreck of the Robot [2.13]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [Speaking to the robot] You quivering quintessence of fear!

  --  Wreck of the Robot [2.13]
%
Major Don West: John, I've had him up to here! I can't take anymore! Now either he goes or I do!
Maureen Robinson: Oh, now, Don, surely you don't mean that.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Dear friends, rather than place you on the horns of a tragic dilemma and in the interests of harmony, I am quite prepared to voluntarily remove myself from camp.
[John, Maureen, Don, Judy, Penny, and Will all remain silent]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Is no one going to stop me?
Dr. John Robinson: Well, you did volunteer to leave, didn't you?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Yes, I did. But a few more protestations on your part would not have been amiss.

  --  The Dream Monster [2.14]
%
Sesmar: [using a device to determine what feelings Dr. Smith is capable of] Sly, lazy, cowardly, sycophantic. Extraordinary. There's nothing useful about you at all.

  --  The Dream Monster [2.14]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: [to the Robot] You jabbering Judas!

  --  The Golden Man [2.15]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Never fear, Smith is here.

  --  The Golden Man [2.15]
%
Athena: [to Dr. Smith while caressing him] First I'll play game on handsome, pretty handsome Doctor Smith.

  --  The Girl from the Green Dimension [2.16]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: He's a heavyweight and I'm a mere bantam.

  --  The Girl from the Green Dimension [2.16]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: I fear my mortal hours are numbered.

  --  The Girl from the Green Dimension [2.16]
%
Dr. Smith: Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, dear William. It isn't really worth it.

  --  The Questing Beast [2.17]
%
Judy Robinson: I'm worried about Will.
Dr. John Robinson: Will?
Judy Robinson: There's something withdrawn about him. Dad, is it possible for a boy his age to become a cynic?

  --  The Questing Beast [2.17]
%
Dr. Smith: It's not the quarry that makes the hunt nor the goal the game.

  --  The Questing Beast [2.17]
%
Dr. Zachary Smith: Spare me the asinine axioms.

  --  The Toymaker [2.18]
%
The Robot: With Doctor Smith, greed conquers all.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I'll attend to you later you addlepated armor-bearer.

  --  The Toymaker [2.18]
%
Brynhilda: [singing] Ta-haaa!

  --  The Space Vikings [2.20]
%
The Robot: When in danger or doubt, run in circles, yell and shout.

  --  Rocket to Earth [2.21]
%
The Robot: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty was two inches tall, He fell down and broke his shell, Poor little egg, I wish him well.

  --  Rocket to Earth [2.21]
%
The Robot: [singing] Gonna jump down, turn around, pick the golden nugget! Gonna jump down, turn around, pickin' gold all day!

  --  The Cave of the Wizards [2.22]
%
Alonzo P. Tucker: Foul Weather himself, ya treacherous dogs! Now we'll parley with me holdin' the upper hand.
Smeek: You can't blame the lads, Foul Weather. You promised Beelebones's treasure.
Deek: Aye, and a chart to where it's buried.
Alonzo P. Tucker: Aye, and I'm a man of my word.
[Pounding on the box]
Alonzo P. Tucker: Say somethin', ya blasted head.
Head: Good evening.
Deek: Wh-What's that?
Alonzo P. Tucker: What's that? I'll tell ya what it is, ya scum! Ol' Beelibones was too smart to put a chart on paper. So he took a better road, ol' Beelibones did. This here head here is tuned into Beelibones's personality, in a manner of speaking, so that he'll lead Beelibones, and no one but Beelibones, to his treasure.
Deek: Aahh! A lotta good that do us. Beelibones is dead and molderin' on Antares 6 these last five years.
Smeek: You led us on a false trail!
Alonzo P. Tucker: Stop your yappin' tongues, ya dogs! False trail is it? Supposin' I were to tell ya that I have in the palm of me hand, so to say, a human who matches ol' Beelibones's personality trait by trait... and fault by fault?
Deek: It ain't likely. Why, there never was a man as treacherous and cowardly, and as big a liar, and as greedy a glutton as Beelibones.
Alonzo P. Tucker: There be one! Zachary Smith by name. He be one of the crew of the Jupiter 2.

  --  Treasure of the Lost Planet [2.23]
%
Will Robinson: Cap'n Tucker!
Alonzo P. Tucker: There's no use, nipper. I tried to keep ya from comin' out here. But now you're out here, one way or the other, you have to stay.
Will Robinson: [Softly] With us - You mean you're with them?
Alonzo P. Tucker: Well, one way or t'other, we're all together. It's me crew, nipper - Deek, Smeek... and Isruland.-
[Isruland Grunts]
Will Robinson: All I can say, Cap'n, is I'm very disappointed in you.

  --  Treasure of the Lost Planet [2.23]
%
Will Robinson: Dr. Smith, don't stop now!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Good heavens, William, I'm completely exhausted! You've been propelling me at an Olympic pace!
Will Robinson: Please don't take your boot off now!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Can you suggest a simpler way to remove a stone?
[holding up a pebble]
Dr. Zachary Smith: Look at this! A veritable boulder! Another five steps and I would be lame for life!

  --  Revolt of the Androids [2.24]
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IDAK Alpha 12: She is the target!
Dr. Zachary Smith: No, she is not. You misunderstood me. I didn't say she was an android, I said she had adenoids!
IDAK Alpha 12: Crush, kill destroy! Crush, kill, destroy!
Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh dear, oh dear, what have I done?

  --  Revolt of the Androids [2.24]
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Penny Robinson: [On her knees] Oh, please, sir. Do not throw us out into the raging storm.
The Robot: Because, baby it's cold out there.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Ohh! That does it. I resign. How can we put on a serious play when this metallic ham will not follow the script?
Will Robinson: This play doesn't need a director. It needs a referee. Now, when you're all ready to take this seriously, call me!
The Robot: Do not leave, Will Robinson. We need you.
Dr. Zachary Smith: We don't need the writer or the director. All we need is the star - me. Penny, let's try it from my entrance. I will knock, and you will answer.
The Robot: What was my line again?
Dr. Zachary Smith: "Just on moment!"
The Robot: Oh, yes, now I remember.
Penny Robinson: Waiting for the knock at the door, Dr. Smith.

  --  The Galaxy Gift [2.30]
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Megazor: The rules of the hunt shall be strictly enforced. The time limit will be exactly 60 Earth minutes. The hunted will be given a choice of weapons... and a five-minute head start. It is to be solely a contest of skill and cunning. Any deviation of these killing procedures by either the hunted or the hunter... will result in severe disciplinary penalty. Any questions?
Prof. John Robinson: Yes. I, uh - I know what happens if you win. What happens if I win?
Megazor: Pursuant to regulations covered by such an impossible contingency, you and your fellow Earthlings will be released.
Prof. John Robinson: What assurance have have I of that?
Megazor: The computer will serve as an impartial judge.
The Robot: Objection! Then I shall go along to be impartial judge of the computer.
Megazor: Objection denied! Choose your weapon.

  --  Hunter's Moon [3.04]
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Will Robinson: There's nothing wrong with caring. Haven't you ever been close to someone? What about your parents? You must have felt something for them.
Megazor: I was created by a synthesis incubator. Mark 3. Advanced model.

  --  Hunter's Moon [3.04]
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Megazor: I have devised your punishment, Earthling. The rules allow you to have a weapon of defense.
Prof. John Robinson: Defense against what?
Megazor: Since you dispute our estimate of your value, you shall have the opportunity to prove how intelligent and inventive Earthlings can be under stress.
Megazor: [Throws a spear into John Robinson's cage] You're about to face Invisibo, Earthling--the most feared and hated enemy of our civilization. You cannot see him, but you will feel his poisonous claws when he strikes. You best pick up that spear, Earthling.

  --  Hunter's Moon [3.04]
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Megazor: I am the future ruler of Zon. I know everything that is important to be known.
Will Robinson: Well, if you're gonna be such a great ruler, you should try and understand others. Even your enemies.
Megazor: I do understand my enemies. They all want to kill me.

  --  Hunter's Moon [3.04]
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The Robot: [leading the Primevals in dance] Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom BOOM!

  --  The Space Primevals [3.05]
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Sgt. Smith: There will be no apology , Smith. We have just checked you out. Your name is Zachary Smith?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Of course it is.
Sgt. Smith: Mine is Horatio Smith, Smith. And whether I like it or not--and I don't--you are my great-great-great-great grandfather.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Am I in--I am? Oh, good heavens. Oh, my dear boy. You are my great-great-great-great grandson? Well, let me look at you. Yes. I can see the resemblance. I think I'm going to cry. What a magnificent specimen of manhood you are--just like me! What a credit to the name of Smith!
Sgt. Smith: Except that Zachary Smith has shamed all the Smiths, Smith. You know what it's like to live under a cloud? To have a finger of scorn pointed at you... because you-- yes, you-- besmirched the family name?
Dr. Zachary Smith: I? Are you suggesting that the family name was besmirched by me?
Sgt. Smith: Were you or were you not the fifth columnist in the Jupiter expedition?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Certainly not.
Sgt. Smith: Were you or were you not the master saboteur?
Dr. Zachary Smith: No.
Sgt. Smith: Were you or were you not the sly, Machiavellian menace during the entire Robinson voyage?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Well, I...
Sgt. Smith: Answer me! Answer me-- yes or no?
Dr. Zachary Smith: How dare you!
Dr. Zachary Smith: [Talking to the Robot] Did you hear these foul slanders?
The Robot: I did, and they are not slanders.

  --  Flight Into the Future [3.08]
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Dr. Zachary Smith: Besides, I owe it to myself to set the record straight when we return to Earth.
The Robot: You will have to tell a few whoppers to do that, Dr. Smith.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Quiet, you obsolete oaf!

  --  Flight Into the Future [3.08]
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Will Robinson: Stay where you are. I know who you are now.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You do? I...don't. You're sure you do?
Will Robinson: I'm certain and I'm not afraid of you.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Not afraid of your own id?
Will Robinson: My what?
Dr. Zachary Smith: ID!! I...D ID!!
Will Robinson: You can't scare me with your big words.

  --  Space Creature [3.10]
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Dr. Zachary Smith: I am your id!
Will Robinson: My what?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Your id, I-D, Id!
Will Robinson: Don't try to scare me with your big words, Dr. Smith.

  --  Space Creature [3.10]
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The Robot: Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

  --  Deadliest of the Species [3.11]
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Female Robot: [to The Robot] Have there been other robots before me?

  --  Deadliest of the Species [3.11]
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Dr. Zachary Smith: [after Non hits Smith in the head with her shuttlecock] Oh, I am so sorry. How stupid of me to allow my head to dent your dainty little shuttlecock.

  --  Two Weeks in Space [3.13]
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Dr. Zachary Smith: [the Robot is complaining about being overworked] I never said hotel work would be easy.
The Robot: *Two* doing the work of *three* never is.
Dr. Zachary Smith: How dare you!

  --  Two Weeks in Space [3.13]
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Major Don West: And where are all these monsters you were yelling about?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Monsters? There don't seem to be any, do there? I'm afraid it was just a bad dream I had. I must stop eating salami and peanut butter sandwiches before I retire.

  --  Two Weeks in Space [3.13]
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Dr. Zachary Smith: [Dr. Smith and the robot are guarding the frozen alien sarcophagus] I think it said something. What was it?
The Robot: You are listening to the wind, Dr. Smith. I am not programmed to interpret the language of the wind. Only the language of windbags.
Dr. Zachary Smith: How dare you!

  --  Castles in Space [3.14]
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Dr. Zachary Smith: People are usually inspired when I tell of my legendary performance.
The Robot: Legend: a romantic story which is usually not true.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Mind your manners or you'll lose your friends, you pot belly pumpkin!

  --  Castles in Space [3.14]
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Gilt Proto: [to John and Don] Do not resist, it is futile.

  --  Target: Earth [3.16]
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Dr. Zachary Smith: [Talking about his alien double] That bogus me isn't me at all. He's thoroughly incompetent.
Will Robinson: That's you all over, Dr. Smith.

  --  Target: Earth [3.16]
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The Robot: [Chasing Dr. Smith around a chair] There is no time for playing games. I advise you to come peacefully.
Dr. Zachary Smith: [Keeping the chair between the Robot and himself] You'll never take me alive!
The Robot: Your condition is unimportant. You must be on that ship at blast off!

  --  Time Merchant [3.18]
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The Robot: According to my internal tote board, the odds are now 3 to 1 against

  --  Time Merchant [3.18]
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Dr. Zachary Smith: Let's all freak out together, man!

  --  The Promised Planet [3.19]
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Penny Robinson: We just don't groove to the same vibrations.

  --  The Promised Planet [3.19]
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The Robot: My computers indicate that the plant has attached itself to the outside of the ship as it thinks Dr. Smith to be its mother.
Dr. Zachary Smith: You tattletale!

  --  The Flaming Planet [3.22]
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